Just needed to get something off of my chest

Adrienne - posted on 02/12/2010 ( 71 moms have responded )

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Sorry for the mini-rant, I just needed to tell someone who would understand...



...All day today, I worked my REAR off getting the house clean. My LO is currently teething for the first time, and is very clingy so I was basically running around like a mad person from 6am until 5pm. This evening, my sister and her fiance came over with their son for dinner. I cooked dinner. After dinner, my sister and I were putting the babies to bed, and I asked my husband if he would mind, and I quote, "cleaning up the kitchen" tonight. He agreed...actually a LOT more readily than I thought he would. Well, the evening went on and I didn't go back into the kitchen until a minute ago. It was WRECKED! Dishes everywhere, crap all over the counters, not even all of the food was cleaned up! I asked my husband if he was planning on doing it in the morning(a pet peeve of mine, but I wasn't going to complain) and he said "do what? I cleaned up the food...



To which I responded, I didn't say FOOD I said KITCHEN. What do I generally do when I say i'm going to clean up the KITCHEN??????



He said "Oh, i'm sorry."



And then went to bed.



Leaving ME to clean up the kitchen and finish updating our new computer.



I'm supposed to go stay at a hotel with him tomorrow for our one year anniversary....grandma is staying with the baby.



All I really want to do is kill him.



Or maybe dump a bucket of ice water on his snoring head.

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Maria - posted on 02/16/2010

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Don't clean up the kitchen. You go wake him up right now, tell him you worked your a** off all day, and if he wants a happy wife for his anniversary, he'd better get busy on that kitchen!

Jenny - posted on 02/13/2010

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I have been married to my dear husband for 10 1/2 years. In this time, I have noticed that men and women are wired differently. For example, I can see that the house is a mess and there is crap everywhere and dishes that need to be done, etc. My husband doesn't see this. Probably because he does not care if the house is clean or not. It doesn't effect him. He only notices if he doesn't have clean clothes to wear, then he asks where they are. My point is this: if you don't tell him specifically that you would like him to do something, it won't get done. And I mean spell it out for him. Instead of saying "please, go clean the kitchen", say "could you please go put the food away and put the dishes in the sink and wipe down the counter, etc.". Even, then it will not get done to your standard. It took my 10 years to figure this out, and then one day, I finally got it: he's not trying to piss me off, he just doesn't care about the housework like I do. We've had many fights about this, and we don't anymore. If I want it done right, I have to do it myself. If I can handle it not being done perfectly, I ask my husband to do it. You have to communicate exactly what you want him to do, because unfortunately, it's just not obvious to men like it is to women. Good luck and happy anniversary! Try not to let this event spoil a happy occasion. :)

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Brenda - posted on 02/22/2010

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My advice, don't let him get away with this crap early on because it only gets worse!!! Marriage is a partnership. Men play the stupid card and we can't fall for it!!! They know we want it done a certain way so they do it half-assed on purpose so we won't ask them to do it again.

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Man am I ever lucky! I do not have those problems at all. I'm so sorry! I will give you an idea though, there was a funny email that came out awhile back telling the story of how a husband was complaining to his stay at home wife that he had no idea what she did all day now that all but one of HER kids were in school full time, it must be nothing but sit on her butt, and eat bons bons. The next day he came home to find the kids in the front yard still in their pajamas playing and fighting unsurpervised in the front yard, the front door open, a trail of clothes, food, toys, and dirty diapers on the floor. The littlest one was doing something that was shocking (can't remember, it was funny). As he went through the house, it got worse and worse. Everything was a disaster. He called for his wife, and found her in their bedroom, still in her pajamas, curled up in bed, reading a book, with an empty bowl of ice cream or something next to her. He asked her what the *ell happened and if she was feeling ok. She replied back "Well I just thought I would do exactly what you thought I do all day, "sit on my bum and do nothing all day. So no, I feel great!".

If our other halves start to understand how much we do, meaning given a dose of reality, and I mean a real dose, then only then will things start to change. Mine was never that bad, but we did have to lesson teaching moments and a few reminders every now and then. I leave with my friends and let him deal with it. Because it's good for our marriage on several levels for me to get a break and him to get that dose of reality. While we can't go as far as the joke, I say to start just leaving the dishes. NO matter how much it pains you to do it. He'll get the clue when the kitchen hasn't been cleaned in a few days. And when he asks why? "Oh, I thought you were going to clean that?" Make sure it's with deep and sincere innocents in your voice.

Crystal - posted on 02/22/2010

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just let him know u r upset......and that u would appreciate a lil help. it mite work better then getting mad at him.

Crystal - posted on 02/22/2010

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my fiance was taught that all that is a womans job. he now knows differetly. He sees what i go through and what i do on a daily basis. Now im on full bedrest....he has really stepped up. he is helping 10x more than he did b4.which shocked even his mother. he wont do the dishes....but he will straighten up the house and kitchen and clean up other stuff and vacumm 4 me. I told him if he wants 2 complain about a messy house....he can help clean it up...cause ive been cleaning up after kids all day. i dont ask 2 much cause alot of times he works 12 hr days. he needs some down time too!

Kathy - posted on 02/21/2010

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I feel you Samantha, we've been sick in this house since the first of February and I've been exhausted the whole time. But whatever, he can take a nap after being away ALL flippin' weekend for a hockey tournament, cause he drank too much beer the night before-LOL!! I'm just exhausted from doing what I do on a daily basis, cuddling sick kiddos and being sick myself :( WHATEVER :) :) LOL!!!!

Samantha - posted on 02/21/2010

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i feel like this alot sometimes guysdon't realize that it is a hard job staying home it'snotjustsitting around and watching tv all day and it's ten times harder when they are sick or teething or you are sick

Lori - posted on 02/21/2010

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i know exactly how you feel......*HUGS* to you, I have beeen married for 13 years and still have that conversation in some way with my husband either it is about the toilet seat being left up or the lid not being closed or his shoes in the middle of the floor. even about seperating his socks so I don't end up washing 3 pairs inside of each other since I WILL NOT STICK MY HAND INSIDE OF SWEATY SOCKS TO PULL THEM APART. I think is is genetically programmed for them not to know how the little things are what get us the most. Good luck finding what works for you.

Anahera - posted on 02/21/2010

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Haha I have to admit my partner has tried that a few times. You should do what I do, don't do his laundry and don't cook for him. It sounds petty I know but it does work, he soon gets the message.

Alesha - posted on 02/21/2010

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When i first asked my husband to 'do the dishes', he stacked the dishes,... FOR ME TO DO!!?

Then he got better the next time i asked,.. he washed the dishes,.... but didnt dry or put them away, or look around the house for random cups etc to be washed.

Its taken nearly 1year to train him to clean the kitchen.

He has the same excuse, 'ill do it in the morning',

Well as much as it bugs me, i let him do that, and i make sure he Does do it in the Morning. Little does he know the dishes would be easier to clean that same night, instead of crusting away during the night.

Its one day at a time with Men.

But the icewater also sounds like something i would do.

Annie - posted on 02/21/2010

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all i can say is men are useless.. if your anything like me if he had done the dishes you would have complained he done them wrong...lol. dump te ice over his head tho, is extremely unfair. men dont realise how much hard work and effort goes into housework, cooking and caring and spending time with our children. HA can u imagine if they had to do for it whole week? as if they would cope. xx

Kim - posted on 02/21/2010

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See it was your fault you had to clean like that all day, you had your sister and her fiance over. At least that is how I end up feeling after working my butt off usually for weeks to get little things done first(I have 3 older kids and a very messy husband)before tackling the bigger things the week or days before a b-day party or 1st Communion. I end up putting all his crap in boxes and then ask him to take care of the boxes because seriously there is no more room in this house for his boxes of junk. Sometimes they still sit there. But usually at the end of the day he will take care of some dishes. I'm usually the one that wants to just leave it since I'm exhausted from the weeks of running around crazy but he will do some. I'm sorry he was like that. I realy would have left it for the next day and had him help you.

Brandy - posted on 02/21/2010

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LOL!!!!LMAO!! yes sounds like a typical day for all moms!!killing him might make u feel better for a while...till u need to go get a bath cause u aint got one(alone) in 7 months...and then he may come in handy (smiles)so keep him around...and talk,talk,talk....dont fuss....and when he does do something(anything)act like it was a gift from GOD!!!..he will do more...and a little "petting"him goes a LONG way...saying "thank you honey"...he will do anything u ask....LMAO

Michelle - posted on 02/20/2010

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Been there. When my husband "cleans" the kitchen he loads the dishwasher with what's in the sink and leaves everything else where it is food and all (dishes on the table, food, trash, etc). He never wipes the counters or the stovetop (and we have a ceramic stovetop so if he doesn't clean it I have to spend a half an hour scrubbing it off and hoping it will come off later). I'd go with the ice water.

Ashley - posted on 02/20/2010

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I dont even bother to ask my husband to do house work!! Because i know he will not do it.. So dump that on him please for me..

Catherine - posted on 02/20/2010

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Hello Adrianne! I feel your pain!! I have to say though with mine he does a lot of the cooking which when he does he leaves "me" the worst mess! We have been married for 16 years and have lived together for 19yrs. I have to say if you want the job done right (Do it yourself) because most likely it will not be done to a women s satisfaction anyways! I have a certain way of cleaning and organizing. So if I ask my husband for help in my area I do not EXPECT IT to be done to my specification but I appreciate him making the effort in the same respect as if he had if you can understand that. I try in helping my husband with his duties at times and I know I can not do his jobs like my own, so I try to look at it that way. For instance, When we had that 2010 Snow Blizzard
my husband had to get up for work earlier and stay several hours over and I wanted to cover his jobs here at home. I'd dig for firewood and stack up over a cord of wood on the side of our house and shovel our sidewalks for my Business. He usually does this and was unable. But I volunteered to do it for him because I knew he would be too tired and the snow would had buried the wood by the time he got home. Same as he would do the same for me. Well this last snow almost buried me for trying to help him out because I went out to help again and I was only able to shovel 5 shovels full to get to more wood and almost collapsed to the ground. I barely made it in to the house and asked my son to help take my husbands overalls that I was wearing off and the boots. For two weeks I thought I had a bug or something. Well I went to patiant first thinking I had a bug and when they took my blood pressure they asked if I was on High blood pressure medicine. I said no Why? They said my blood pressure was dangerously high! They had me go to the Emergency room and called the hospital to tell them I was heading there, To my relief, my husband came to my side and drove me there. So now I have taken my 2nd day of heart medicine and now understand that doing my husbands chores are as hard or harder than doing my own. We both know where we need to be. Where we work best!! :) I hope this helps :) It can always be worse! Good luck.. We all take more good in than the little bad they put out...I know I do :)
My husband can be the same as yours at times with just putting the food away and stacking the dishes in the sink and calling it done. But after 19 years of the same old thing, I just don't stress over it anymore, I just do it!! I just think back to the times he did do it. I was grateful! But at the same time, lol... I had to go back and do it over and I just feel I'd rather do it right anyways myself and feel good that I can do something better then him too :) Over time you will find out what is best for both of you and what not to expect from one another. The love between you two always irons out the little bad things in a marriage! The are our BIG KIDS!!! Good Luck :) Do not let it get to you, Have a moms night out with your girlfriends to a good movie or a long walk in a mall! Mine was to the Cheesecake Factory for a slice of Cheesecake with my son when I have felt I had it!

Dana - posted on 02/20/2010

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I hear ya. My hubby is the same way. I understand that he works hard but I am with these kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year long. I do 99% of all the cooking and cleaning, 100% of the laundry, all the pre-schooling with my daughter. And I do it all getting up at 6am after being up half the night.

All I ask for is a little help and to sleep in once in a while.

Kathy - posted on 02/19/2010

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I think the "men are clueless" excuse is b.s. They may not know what you do every time you clean the kitchen, bathroom, etc. But they know the kitchen isn't a wreck after you've "cleaned" it. Putting food in the fridge is not cleaning the kitchen, he knows it and you know it. I'd have to wake him up and tell him he's more than welcome to go back to bed once the kitchen is actually cleaned or he can stay at home tomorrow with grandma and baby while YOU take the break you deserve and go stay at the hotel yourself for a nice getaway. Unfortunately men don't truly "get" that you are serious until you put your foot down and explain in detail how things are going down if they don't get their crap together! I know how you feel and I've told my hubby on several occassions that I am not playing the "clueless hubby" game. He knows what the kitchen, bathroom, living room, etc. looks like when they are "clean" and if he says he's going to "clean" them he'd better do it right. I have never told him he "has" to do it "my way" because everyone has their own way of doing things. The only 2 things he is not allowed to do at all is the dishes and laundry cause I'm very particular about those chores. Other than that, he can do it his way, as long as he does it thoroughly and I'll be happy. Put your foot down and tell him if he doesn't start helping like he said he would then you will be going to the hotel all by yourself for a nice relaxing evening that you deserve since he already got his tonight!!!

DeAnn - posted on 02/19/2010

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Before going and cleaning it all up I'd leave it for in the morning, then I'd have HIM get up with the kids and sleep in, at least then when you do clean it up you're not tired and upset already. Who knows he might even clean it up while you sleep (mine does this when he's in the dog house) just remember you cant KILL him but you can certainly make him miserable. If its your anniversary tho and you are getting away from the kids for a night, I'd forgive him and enjoy your evening. I might even tell him me not yelling at him and canceling the date is his present from me for the anniversary :)

Stacey - posted on 02/19/2010

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this sounds like every BUSY mothers nightmare , men are lazy , selfish and thoughtless . i would go for the ice water over his snoring head . he will complain one day when he comes home and u havent done anything , u should give him a taste of his own medicine , let him do the chores dont back down , he will then learn to appreciate you ........ :):):) stacey

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For one, in my opinion, the house doesn't have to be spotless. There are more important things then a spotless house, like spending time with your family. They are not around long and you will have plenty of time to have a perfect house when they are gone. I am not saying let it a pig sty but it doesn't have to be perfect. Two you have to ask for help and like said before be specific. You have to let go of thinking it has to be done your way or it isn't right. If he helps be thankful. In this case I would have woke him and told him to help you clean it or have him help in the morning. You need to tell them how you feel or the problem never gets fixed. They don't realize there is a problem. Never be afraid to tell how you are feeling.

Billie - posted on 02/19/2010

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I say dump the bucket on his snoring head. but keep in mind men really are clueless. You literally have to guide man to do everthing i am suprised they can function w/ out a woman good luck
Oh btw leave it for a few days it'll drive ya crazy but he will appreciate u more!

Becki - posted on 02/18/2010

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i have been down this road many times with my husband and it frustrates me to where i just wanna scream...not to long ago i asked him to do the dishes and he said he would and then later that night i went in there to make dinner and they still werent done so i started to do them n he came in there n was like i told u i would do them n i was like well i need to make the kids dinner n i need the pot that is in the sink n he was like move ill do them n i was like its too late now im already doin them i might as well finish them n he was like no move i will do them n i just got mad n screamed at him to just go away bc there was no point of him doin them at that point when i already started i should just finish them

[deleted account]

Well ladies while we all can agree men do not see the cleaning as we do and it is aggravating (mine like to help by mopping but refuses to sweep first and as we all know this just makes a bigger mess) but when i get aggravated with him about stuff like this i try hard to remember he was raised a typical male and he dose do his version of cleaning and helping even though he doesn't get that it causes me more work when I get down to it at leas the tries and is a GREAT dad so i would not trade him for anything in the world aggravation and all. and he sees it as he is taking you on a mini trip so hey what is the big deal grandma can clean it if she wants it clean or you know the alien invaders who are responsible for all the clean laundry will do it while he is sleeping.

Emma - posted on 02/18/2010

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my partner is exactly the same, and everntually it got to me too. so i played him at his own game, All i can say is if you dont mind living in a pig stye for a while eventually he will crack coz he will be falling over his own shit. it took my partner almost 3wks of no clean plated or cups etc but it got to him and went on a mad mission cleaning up the house top to bottom. worked a treat for me. hope this helps, have fun. ps dont tidy your mess either if he leaves his plate you leave yours, spend the day out at friend or familys so it doesnt drive you insane at the same time lol.

Ieasha - posted on 02/18/2010

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I feel your pain (sad face) my hubby is the same way, sometimes I feel so over the top I just want to bite his head off, I bite my lip alot to try and keep the peace, but sometimes I can't take it I just go off he leaves everything around for me to pick up sometime I feel like running away. But I don't I'm still here.

Desiree - posted on 02/18/2010

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Read "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor!!! It explains EVERYTHING! Men are wired differently. They have to be asked more than once and given VERY specific instruction. They strive on conquest so maybe challenge him or promise a reward (wink, wink). And be sure to give him as many points as possible for whatever he does. They need that validation. You know how people say "What, do you want a medal?" when they've done something simple that required very little effort? Well, men DO want a medal! They want to be praised and appreciated for everything they do and they think everything they do is of phenomenal importance. I don't know why they are wired this way, they just are. :) What can we do besides earn our own medal for not killing them? lol

Linda - posted on 02/18/2010

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maybe he never had to clean as a child maybe talk about it with him in a kindly way see where he stands on the issue cause some men do think they work and bring home money they shouldnt have to do anything else ...my husband has done both but then again...... when I worked my husband cleaned the house and made dinner but when he works and I dont I do it until the weekends then we do it together my husband actually loves hanging out clothes the only problem then is once everything is done he has piles of clothes folded on my bed not separated or nothing but he gets it that far and has told me he doesnt know where anything goes lol.......I am sure your husband has other qualities that you like about him so think of them and have a nice time on times you get an outting....................been married for 13yrs now..............hope you had a nice time ........

Krystle - posted on 02/18/2010

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well like my mum always says, dad and mum have been married 27yrs.....Ya get less time 4 murder hehehe They love eachother greatly but after all this time he still gives her the shits hehe

Tonya - posted on 02/17/2010

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that happens here a lot I have tried "striking" but with a husband 5 kids and a dog I learned forget the "strike" idea it just leaves more work for me in the end--it's even worse if by chance I have gotten sick I need a vacatin for the housework afterwards--I am sloly learning just do it and be glad when once in a while someone else does it

Angela - posted on 02/17/2010

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I totally feel your pain! My husband has actually told me that a lot of men strategize to do what they've been asked to, only do it wrong so that in the future the wife just does it herself. It works with me! For instance - laundry. I zip all zippers, buttons, turn things right side out BEFORE putting them in the washer, he does none of this but the zippers. It drives me CRAZY to finish laundry that he has started, I just sit there and fume while doing it. So therefore he's been informed hands off. Same with dishes, he doesn't fill the sink with warm soapy water, he'll take one spoon - put a drop of detergent on it, rub with the sponge and rinse, then pick up another spoon. He has been better since our little girl was born but he knows if he starts something he'd better finish it or I will let him have it. Your husband obviously doesn't understand why this is such a big deal to you, but odds are he never will. I do think he deserves a tongue lashing or some serious silent treatment until he realizes what he's done wrong, then hopefully in the future he'll do it right or never agree to do it at all. Hope this helps!

Melanie - posted on 02/17/2010

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LOL Nice ..ICE WATER...ITs now Feb/17 what happened?? I hope you cleaned all the dishes making all the sounds you could!!! Baby sleeping or not!

Ms. Erin - posted on 02/17/2010

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Take this quiet opportunity to have a conversation with your husband about what's on your heart. You are not complaining about anything the rest of us haven't complained about when we were only married one year, believe me. Husbands take training. LOL

Check out www.loveandlogic.com. It works for kids and husbands and bosses and anybody!!!

David and I have been married almost 29 years, we have learned that the first one who yells loses! LOL but more importantly, there is never name calling, and we say things like "I felt this way when that happened ..." Never shifting blame. You can never tell somebody else what to do (especially children and husbands! LOL) but you can tell them what YOU will do when you see certain behaviours and situations. "When you have a tantrum in the grocery store, I WILL NOT buy you a treat." "If you don't hit the hamper with your laundry, I won't be washing it!" "If you're not ready at 4 p.m., I'm afraid I'll have to leave without you." Then you need to be consistent. Don't lay idle threats. Do what you say you will do. You never ever have to get angry. It's your choice.

Many blessings on your marriage. It will work out, Sweetheart. Just remember to keep a cool head and talk ... no yelling. You can take a time out and come back to your conversation, too! That can be one of your rules!

Tons of love,
Ms. Erin

Jess - posted on 02/17/2010

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My partner use to be really helpful when we both worked but once baby came, he stopped helping.... Now I give him options.... You can either feed and wash the baby OR you can cook dinner? I let him choose so he can't say that I'm telling him what to do. It works really well for us... and this is from a guy who's Italian mum has done everything for him and I mean EVERYTHING and his 28... both his older brothers still live at home... don't even have to make their bed's, and as for their dirty washing... well they have laundry shoot, so they take them off to have a shower and they disappear and magically return to their wardrobes clean ! I had my work cut for me in the begining I can assure you of that ! Personally I would be tipping the ice water over him... and making him change the sheets !

Cathy - posted on 02/17/2010

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Men they are all the same...I think they do it on purpose so we wont ask them again to do it

Noelle - posted on 02/17/2010

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Oh you poor thing! I completely understand. I cannot even count the number of times I thought I was making a very clear request to my husband, and he just did not get it. I really wish that I could tell you how to get around that, but for some men, it just doesn't happen. I actually recently figured out one of the best and most annoying methods.
While trying to get my daughter, who is now 2, to help me clean up, I was feeling frustrated. Then I realized that if I said to her "Mila, can you please pick up X and put it Y?", she did it. It works very well. And, I tried it on my husband and, well, apparently I am married to a 2 year old because it works with him, too. The only problem with that is that I feel like I shouldn't have to speak to a 32 year old man as if he were 2. Oh well.

Maria - posted on 02/16/2010

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i feel you girl friend!!! lol thats a man for ya...my hubby soes the same thing

Caitlin - posted on 02/16/2010

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After having this discussion several times one day I finally sat down and made a "Chore List" I told him that in a marriage everything is 50/50 and I needed help. For about two weeks he did his chores without complaing(I feel like he's my 2nd child lol) and then one day he stopped. Now he does things when I ask him to because he understands that we all need a break sometime. Good Luck. Oh by the way...go with the ice water okay :-) !!!

Vickie - posted on 02/16/2010

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That sounds like my house!!!! Only mine is you are home all day, why can't you keep the house clean. Um I have 4 kids in my care and only one of those is mine! He can't get anything done when he stays with our 2 kids for any period of time!!
Oh well, almost 10 yrs with the man and I still love him! I do know that if it is something that needs to be fixed and I keep askng him to do it, all I have to do to get it done is start working on it myself, he is a little scared of me working with power tools! LOL
Have a great Anniversary, and remember that this is your life :) Enjoy every moment of it!

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Do you have a son? You will encounter this behavior again with him...leave a list...make up cards(chore items you want done) - hand it to him and say "if you have any questions about what I want, come and ask...otherwise, do all of it!" Dads and sons have to be treated a lot a like...women are multi-tasking people...men are not (especially when it comes to housework). I like the ice idea...just tell him you were cleaning up!

Kandice - posted on 02/16/2010

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I have no advice, but I can say I feel your pain, this is a major issue in our house and we have been married 5 years. Mine wont do diapers, feedings, cleaning, laundry , nothing.....when I ask for help, you would think that I was asking for a castle in the sky and to walk on water...you are not alone, and if you ever figure a way around it let me know.

Adrienne - posted on 02/16/2010

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Wow - I had no idea that so many people would respond to this! LOL - It was funny, i'll admit. We ended up having a wonderful Anniversary. Even though stuff like that happens occasionally, i'm very blessed to have a husband that I can communicate with freely about anything. A few weeks ago, he even stayed home from work with me because I was dealing with a mild case of PPD and just needed to not be alone. He helped me all day that day.



Thanks ladies for listening to me vent, and for all your encouraging comments!

Jamie - posted on 02/16/2010

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I know its not funny...but it is just because we've all been there. There is no question that men and women are hardwired differently. We are very intuitive by nature (comes from having to guess what our babies need, since they can't tell us) and men aren't. So we expect them to be mind readers, and to KNOW when we want something done. Since they don't have that intuitive instinct, it drives us nuts because we have to tell them everything, in complete detail, and we feel they are idiots because they need it. Its not thier fault, they just don't think that way. The opposite side of that, and what we have a hard time understanding, is sex. Men are wired to have sex as much as possible (and with as many women, which is why men cheat more, and look at other women) because this is what keeps the species going, whereas we are meant to nurture the offspring.

As far as housework goes, my husband doesn't do dishes. Period, end of discussion. He does at least put his dishes in the sink, so I feel pretty blessed for that. :) Since I am at home I don't argue it, because taking care of the house is my "job" along with taking care of our son. However, it used to drive me bonkers, because even when I worked it was still my job to do dishes, laundry, etc when I came home or on the weekends. I felt that was completely unfair, and still do for couples who both work. My husband will vacuum, if I ask (although he sighs when I ask). However, in my husbands defense, he is actually a neater person than I am,. He always puts his clothes in the same place, his keys and wallet go in a certain place everyday when he comes home. I just throw stuff wherever it falls, lol. And he doesn't have a problem watching our son while I run errands on the weekends. Overall, he's a good dady and a good husband, but that doesn't mean I haven't had my own moments where I wanted to dump ice wter on his sleeping head too. :P

Jeanette - posted on 02/16/2010

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i have learned that i have to really spell out what i want help with when i ask for it - i think it is ok of me to expect my husband to help out but not realistic for me to expect that when he does he will do what i would - if i really want to make sure he does something i spell it out - that way helps me to learn to communicate more effectively and i don't have unrealistic expectations (even if i didn't know i had them till after)
does that make any sense? it takes a lot of practice to make sure i am really communicating what i want instead of thinking he will be able to interpret whatever that is

Danielle - posted on 02/16/2010

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i wouldn't even go to be quite honest! Come on it's not that difficult to clean the kitchen that will probably only take max 30mins!!!
I have found that you have to make everything crystal clear such as "could you wash and dry the dishes and clean the counters with the sponge" instead of "can you take care of the kitchen" that way there they can't get out of it after they say yes.

Virginia - posted on 02/16/2010

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I know it sounds nice if your husband helps you out when you have spent hours cleaning and cooking. You just want that little bit of help at the end of the day. Not much of a chance if his mates are around. who wants to spend all night in the kitchen when your friends are here.

Even if there are no visitors, Your job doesnt end when your husband gets home from a hard days work. He wants to sit down and rest, You cant just expect him to take over and you quit,

Its alway hard the first few years until you both work it out together. It always works best to do it together. Not that it always works.
18 years on and i still end up doing it all.

Melissa - posted on 02/15/2010

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sounds like the average man, some people just get lucky I suppose. We all know what it is like to rant, so go for it! :)

Karyn - posted on 02/15/2010

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When asking a husband for help, one must be very precise. Actually, making a list of the things you would like him to do would be best. Men love lists and it gets you off the hook when he tells you that you didn't say that!!

Julie - posted on 02/15/2010

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hon......you crack me up!!!!!!Yeah some things that bother us as women men just seem to roll off their shoulders. Yeah I am upset I just want to scream is when my mate states 'Whats wrong hon?' Are you serious????? I know the feeling and yeah the bucket of water sounds GREAT here too!!!!!
Good Luck tomorrow!!!! And maybe before you go he will clean up or maybe it is just a build up for a years worth of free house cleaning . We can only hope.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2010

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if him being a man is the worst thing that ever happens in your marriage' count yourself lucky. Men are like that. They are just like toddlers. You will get better results if you ask him to do specific tasks. If he flakes, let it go... but act like it's the biggest thing in the world when he does something "right". Encourage the behavior you want and ignore the behavior you don't. Also, don't expect him to know that he can't use dishwashing liquid in the machine without a bubble-flood... LOL. Good luck. Deep breath:)

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