kids close together or not?

Jade - posted on 03/07/2010 ( 93 moms have responded )

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Whats best having children close together or waiting till they start school? R there any mums who would do it differently or totally recommend it. i have a 4 month old son and am wondering if we should try 4 another one at the end of the year or wait till he starts school at 4.

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Lucy - posted on 03/09/2010

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I'm sure there are pros and cons to both approaches, but I'm only in a position to tell you about a close gap as that's how it worked out for me!

We always planned to have at least two children, maybe about two years apart. But when my daughter was 7 months old we found out (despite breast feeding and being on birth control) that I was pregnant again. It was a bit of a scary surprise, but now we wouldn't change it for the world. In fact, with the benefit of hind sight we would plan the small gap if we did it again.

Yes, the first few months were very intense, unrelenting hard work, but it was definitely worth it for the relationship my children have now they are 2 and 3.

My daughter fell in love with her little brother right away, even though she was only 16 months when he was born. The first thing she did when she saw him was gasp and saying "ah, pretty babby" and kiss him right in the middle of his face! They are the best of friends, and they are both very kind, sociable and considerate of others which I attribute to them having such a close sibling to consider in their daily lives.

There are lots of benefits to the whole family as well. I have more time to get stuff done in the house, as the kids are great at keeping each other entertained. Family outings are fun and easy to plan because they are close enough in age that they are into the same things. Also, the daily routine is simpler than I think it would be if the age gap were bigger, as their needs are similar. It's appropriate for them to have the same bed time, I'm not trying to rush one to school whilst trying to breast feed another etc,

Overall, from our family experience I would definitely recommend a small age gap between siblings.

Shirley - posted on 03/08/2010

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My siblings age seperation is varied. I have 2 sibs who are only 2 & 4 yrs my elder. We have always been close. Then I have 3 more sibs who are 8, 10 and 15 yrs my senior, growing up they were more my enforcers/2nd parents then siblings. We had nothing in common because of the age gap. Even as adults we have never been close.



My kids are very close in age. 16,17,19 & 20. they all are close and very protective of one another. we'd have done it no other way, as I see that they carrry a bond that will carry them through anything!

There was some tough times having them so close together, as well as sometimes my sanity, but there's no question in my mind, It was all worth every late night, and dirty diaper.

I hope this helps.

Jennifer - posted on 03/08/2010

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I have 3 boys and they are each two years apart. It's a lot of work but I would not do it differently! They are very close and all play very well together! I have noticed with some families who have them further apart the kids argue a lot. I think you should really think about it...it would also be good for your son to have a sibling at home !

Myra - posted on 03/07/2010

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There are challenges to both close together and further apart. I had my first daughter and she was 20 months old when my second was born. She's really handling things well considering the terrible 2's is going on, too. I think you need to look at what you think is best. If you think you handle another little one now, go for it. If you think it'll be easier to handle one a little older and a baby, wait. One huge advantage of waiting a while is that when they get to be school-age, they can understand more of what you tell them about things. A big drawback is that there tends to be more jealousy in older kids. Take your health and previous pregnancy into account, too. If you are perfectly healthy and had a normal, problem free pregnancy the first go around, wait a while. Personally, I have problems with pregnancy, so for me, it was best to go ahead and have my second before my first got into a more intense routine and was more draining on me physically.

Either way, a blessing of a child is a blessing.

Katheleen - posted on 03/07/2010

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My children are 6, 3 and 1... 2 boys and a girl. I didn't plan any of their arrivals, but I would not change it for the world! One thing you want to consider is atleast having one child walking pretty well, so you are not needing to carry two at the same time. They also develop a little more independence at that stage, so your child wouldn't necessarily be devastated by having you to share you with another... Good luck!

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Beth - posted on 03/27/2010

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i have a one year old and a two month old (the iud failed) if i had the option i would have waited a few years but as long as everyone is healthy and happy im 100% ok with how it worked out and thankfully they are both boys

Laura - posted on 03/27/2010

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hey, i recommend having thwm close together, i fell pregnant with our second when my eldest was 4 months old, so there is only 13 months difference between them (Kaitlyn is 17 months and Erin is 4 months) it can be a bit of a pain to get out and about at times and its not always easy when baby is screaming non stop and kaitlyn decides to have a tantrum! but i wouldnt change it, i love the fact that they will grow up so close, i wouldnt suggest to anyone to have them quite so close together (maybe 18 months - 2 years!) we wanted to wait till kaitlyn started school but im glad that fate had other ideas! but if we had a third i would definaltely make sure it would be a slightly bigger age gap this time!!

Amber - posted on 03/27/2010

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My sons are nine years apart and I think it would have been better to have them closer together. I think they would have been closer and probably good friends if they weren't so far apart in age.

Rachel - posted on 03/15/2010

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i would definitely keep them close in age my kids r 10 yrs apart its like starting over and the kids dont get along as well cuz my 15 yr old dont always want to do things a five year old wants to do and vise versa goodluck on your decision

Michelle - posted on 03/14/2010

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I personally want my kids to be of a close age so they are able to do much of the same things together like my brother and I. Our baby will be due around when our girl is 22 months old. I think it will be a big adjustment, but I would also like to gain some sort of a "normal" life in a shorter amount of time. Like not having a bub and going back to work a couple of yrs later only to go on maternity leave again after a year or two! Call me selfish! But I am going to be a stay at home mum hopefully until my children are both in kindy/primary school.

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My girls are 15 months part. I found out i was pregnant with my second daughter when i my newborn was about 6 to 7 months old. Sure, navigating around stores was a bit difficult with 2 kids under 3, but i would never want to change that. I had a blast with them being so close in age. watching my oldest be protective, but not overprotective of her little sister was precious.

I carried each on on my hips at times and maneuvered through doors like magic. it was like the parting of the red sea when i approached non-electronic doors. People never hesitated at all to hold them open for me as i wheeled the stroller and held the other. or held both on each hip. OR had them walking hand in hand with me.

I totally recommend having them close together. My first born was walking by the time she was a year. my second born...by the time she was 10 months because of her sister, of course. She wanted to keep up with her. potty training was even a blast. IT was easier to train the second child ..faster too since they were nearby watching me train the older sibling. hell, my 6 year old learned to ride her two wheel bike without training wheels and the youngest one was 4 years old and insisted i take of the trainiing wheels on her bike....so i did for a trial run..we agreed that if she did not learn in two days they would go back on...wellll...15 minutes after i took them off she was off and riding past her sister, up the hill to their friends house!!!!!! ok so she was 4 at that time but it was late summer...about august...2 months before her 5th birthday.

again...having them close in age makes training them to do daily activities, routines faster.

I found it rewarding to have my girls so close in age.

They are teenagers now and are best of friends, yet at time they fight like sisters. I would not have it any other way. They have each others back at all times. Something i never had with my siblings because we are so far apart in age.

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i have 4 kids 2 of my older kids are 9 one boy who is mine and a step daughter . both in the same grade at the same school. then our next group is 16 months a boy and 6 months a girl. at first i was so scared but things are really working out for us and were ever we go the 2 younger ones people think that they are twins its kinda cute and my youngest son wants to help with his baby sister with the bottle he takes a sip then she does same with the suck-suck and when our baby girl is asleep our babt boy walks over to her and says oh babbbeee its so sweet with the older 2 they think they are the parents but it helps too

Jackie - posted on 03/13/2010

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My children are 15 years apart and it was planned that way. I believe in waiting until a child is in pre school at least before having another. I remember reading research that a child needs his mother's undivided attention for the first three years of life.

Shannon - posted on 03/13/2010

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i have found that it was difficult at the time when my daughter was born. My children are twenty two months apart. But now that they are older I am glad they are close in age. They seem to be closer than Me and my brother and we are five years apart.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/13/2010

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I say if your body can handle it, and you can handle the emotional and mental, then you should do what feels best for you. I have a 1 year old and my second is due in 11 days. They will be 13 months apart. This was NOT at all how WE planned it, but God had something else in mind. I have to say, it has been absolute hell on my body! My pelvis has separated from the rest of me so my legs don't always work, I can't lay down (ever) and am in constant pain. Carrying around my son makes it even worse and I feel so badly that I can't get on the floor and play with him most days. So, you really have to question whether or not your body can handle it and go from there.

Marcie - posted on 03/13/2010

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I am a mother of 2 myself one girl and one boy they are a year and two months apart, i think it is better to have them close together because that means you go through all the dipers and potty training and all that good stuff at once. I had decided to have my second when my daughter was 10 months old and now my daughter will be 3 in april and my son will be 2 in may, they are the best of friends and love to help each other do everything together.

Kelly - posted on 03/13/2010

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I think the closer, the better. My first 20 months apart and while it was hard at first, the are best buds now (boy/girl) and have each other to play with. My 3rd is due in under 2 months and she will be 31 months younger than my 2nd. That is not that far apart, but I feel like the older two will be much closer than the younger two. I liked having them so close!

Ann - posted on 03/13/2010

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I have 4 girls and a son my 2 oldest girls 10 born Jan 9th 2000 and 8 soon to be 9 July 25th 2001. And I must say they were the BEST OF FRIENDS!! They would hold hands a lot. My 8 yr old was shy, and my 10 yr old was very outgoing. So the oldest would take her by the hand when they were playing with others and tell her "don't be scared I'm here" which brought a few people to tears when they saw this! A GROWN MAN EVEN!! I adopted a son when I was pregnant with my 3rd daughter. He is 3 now (Nov 4th) and my daughter will 2 Mar. 21th and they are the BEST OF FRIENDS! they do everything together except potty and bath. I also have a daughter who will be 1 on Mar. 19th who is following those 2 around and can't wait to do everything they are doing. Financially I must admit it's not hard. Dad works outside the home and I'm a sahm. God has a way of working things out. I'm glad I had mine close together. I couldn't see it being any other way.

Emily - posted on 03/13/2010

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my son was 7 when i had my daughter, and my stepson who lives here was 10, i think for me its easier with a big gap as the boys understand about waiting for things, they help out and they are so good with the baby. i dont think i would have the staminor for a baby and a toddler but there is also hs down falls,my son had been at school 3yrs by the time i had baby number 2 and i was used to having me time so it takes a bit of getting used to, people said i was mad starting again when the boys were that old!!! the baby goes to bed at 6 then we have few hours to spend decent time with the boys, i think everyone has there own opinion on this,im glad i waited but as i said some think we were nuts so each to there own!!!!!!!

Monique - posted on 03/12/2010

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I say you should wait til your little one starts school it's so much easier, and you also want to have him potty trained so you wont have to buying triple diapers ...my two are 14 and 6 big difference...



Monique P

Carly - posted on 03/12/2010

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My boys are 18 months (to the day) apart. I, of course, wouldn't have it any other way. It is nice because they really are growing up together. Big Brother was at the age when he wanted nothing more than to help me. For many waiting a few years is better because the temperament of the older child can be a factor. It can be quite a handful to have two in diapers. It can also be a struggle when the older sibling is still SO egocentric. Everything is mine, mine, mine... and although they are close in age they really couldn't be more different in personality. That being said, I am happy with the way things worked out for us. Best wishes to you!

Hine - posted on 03/12/2010

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i dont thnk it depends on the age difference it depends on how u raise them and teach them ways of loving and caring for family and friends. dont spoil 1 more then the other or dont favour the other mor thn the elder 1. or theyl grow up thnking u love him/her more then me and so on thngs like that. so0o thats my opion. i hav two boys that r two years apart im teaching them and treating them equaly so they dnt grow up being jelous of eachother

Ashlee - posted on 03/12/2010

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WAIT!!! I have a 18 month old and a new born and as bad as it sounds it drives me nuts! I have 2 butts to change, two babies that mainly cry to tell me what they want, and no break from either one. I would definatly wait till one is in school.

Kiara-marie - posted on 03/12/2010

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hi i have a son thats turning one in april on the 19th and im due with my daughter on the 10th april so they are only 1 week 2 days off a year apart. yes close together but i love that they will be close and get out of nappies at the same time they will go to school at the same and finish the same time only 1 year off each so ya. ive seen how my son reaches around my nephews and necice and my neice is only 4 months old he was really good around her wasnt up set or anything didnt hit her or anything like that

Jennifer - posted on 03/12/2010

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I think it depends on what is best for your family. I have four children. The first two are both girls and are 16 months apart. When they were 4 and 3 we had our son. He is now 5 1/2 and we have a 2 month old little girl. We have had a few issues over the years, so here are a few things to think about...

1. We had 2 in diapers at the same time, 2 different sizes and it was rather expensive.
2. We had some issues with our toddler hitting our newborn because she wanted to make the "dolly" cry.
3. Sometimes it can be exhausting having three kids under the age of 5 at home all day long. especially when one of them is a baby, and you are either up all night feeding or dealing with teething issues or they are sick.
4. My son goes to school in the morning, 4 days a week. I have 3 1/2 hours of alone time to bond with my little one without feeling guilty about not spending time with my son.
5. My son is very protective of his baby sister and is actually able to hold her by himself (with only a little supervision), which makes him feel more grown up, and helps me out when I have my hands full and she just wants to be held.

I've stated a lot of reasons to space them out, but if they are close together they will be closer emotionally and will be able to play better together, without having to play "baby" games with a much younger sibling.
I hope this helps you, good luck.

Terri - posted on 03/12/2010

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Hello,
As a Mom of Six, yes thats right 6, I would NOT change a thing. Granted some days are crazy, but who doesn't have crazy days? The ages of my kids are 10, 8,7,5,3 and 1.5 and I wouldn't change a thing. I have a few friends who have waited until the first child is about 3-4 and they wished that the kids were closer in age. My kids get along great with each other. I'm glad that I had them all when I did.
I know this is just my story, and it may not help you make your choice, but I'm sure what ever the choice you make its the right one for you and your family.

Briohny - posted on 03/12/2010

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i have a 10yr old daughter and a 18 mth old son, its great at times if i need something done without any hassels or the hubbys busy i get her to watch him for me, my husband and i never intended on such a big gap it can be great at times but also challenging dealing with attitude from one and tantrums from the other..lol.this time i want to try and shorten the gap it only 3-4 yrs differance.

Melissa - posted on 03/12/2010

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Waiting is hard to do but from experience it is a little mind numbing when you have two babies/tots to care for. When my first was 8 months I really wanted to have another one. My girl friend told me not to and to wait b/c they are so much fun and you can't fully enjoy it if your prego or helping another one. I think she was right due to my energy level (or lack of it) It would have been good to wait. And everyone tells me "oh they will be so close" but my sister and I are 15 mon apart and we never really liked eachother. And my girls are very very differant so I find it hard to believe they will be close. Even though I will encourage it. But I have friends that are very close to their syblings due to age. Go with your gut. We are waiting on #3 so we can enjoy this time alitlle more and not feel like life is so insane. Things are slowing down for us so I think we may try soon. My kids are 3 and 20 mons. If you want another one do it. Theres pros and cons to every situation. It will probably just be a little crazy for a while. This too shall pass!

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It's really up to you. My son is going to be 19 months old when his sister is born next month. The good thing about that is that they will have someone to play with. Part of me wishes we waited just a little bit before we had another because my son is at a fun age and I wish I could play with him more but with a big pregnant belly it's not easy to crawl around and play on the floor. Now that his sisters birth is about a month away I'm finding myself wishing I had more time for just me and him but also at the same time I can't wait for her to get here. I'm not sure what it's going to be like once she does get here and I really hope he likes her. lol I just don't want him to feel left out and with a newborn, as you may know, they take up a lot of time. I was 5 when my sister was born and we still played together but when I got older I wanted to play with my friends and not her. Sounds mean but it's true and as a kid I didn't mean for it to be mean. We still get along for the most part. lol I think weather you choose to try for another or wait, you will be happy with your choice, they both have their positives. :)

Amy - posted on 03/12/2010

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my sister and i are 18 months apart. we were best friends. but i hear others say siblings are closer when farther apart. i think it's just a family dynamic that is its own and there is no better way. My daughter is 3, my son is almost 1. We know we want another and are thinking we'll just see how it goes. if we get pregnant right away, yay, if not, no biggie. i don't think it would be fun having two in diapers, but on the same hand, you could have them all out of them quicker - less years of diapers. my husband wants them close together so they can all be out of the house around the same time so we can be 50 with no kids. lol. totally selfish, but it was something we thought about.

Julia - posted on 03/12/2010

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my sister and i were so close in age that we were "Irish twins" two children born with in the same year. But growing up we didnt like each other at all. My other sister is 4 years younger then me and we have always been close. I desided i wanted my kids farther appart, i have one who is now 4 and one who is now 1 they are great together, my oldest loves helping my youngest out all the time. although my second came sooner then i really wanted i believe its a good time frame between the two.

Rebecca - posted on 03/12/2010

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Our son was 13 months when we found out we were expecting #2. It was a total surprise and I wasn't happy at first but I wouldn't have it any other way now. We were planning on trying for our 3rd when our 2nd was 1yr but we have to move to a more expensive province so we have to wait until we move closer back this way in 4yrs or if we have a cheaper house then we have now we will be able to have a 3rd. Our kids are now 2.5yrs and 8 months.

I babysat a little girl who was 9 months old and her brother was 8yrs old. I found she was very infatuated with him but the parents were kind of out of the loop of raising a baby again.

Michelle - posted on 03/12/2010

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I always thought I would have a smaller age gap in between my children. But fate intervened and I have 8 years between my oldest daughter and my twins. Sometimes situations change beyond your control. I don't know any different though, so I wouldn't change it. My oldest was a great help when they were babies, and even now most days she is a big help. But her sisters drive her mad some days. Sometimes I wish they were closer in age, as I am now dealing with pre-teen angst and emotions, aswell as having 2 very active noisy toddlers that have their own issues lol!

Taren - posted on 03/11/2010

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My children are 7,5,4 and 7 months. I didn't plan on them but I wouldn't change it for the world. My older three are very close and the older kids help alot with the baby. To be honest it is really what you think you can handle. Having them close together is great but at the same time you have a really high demand for attention. If you space them out the older ones help with the younger ones.

Beth - posted on 03/11/2010

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I have three children ages 3,2 and 4 months. The oldest is a boy and they other two are girls. If I had to do it over again I would not change it. I love how they all get along and like each other alot. It can be tiring at times and it does help to have the support of a loving husband. One major positive is that all the running around to keep up with them has kept me fit!

Meghan - posted on 03/11/2010

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My son and his sister are 9 years apart. Although she is not my daughter, i would choose for my kids to be close in age. That way as they are growing up, they will be able to play with each other and enjoy each others presence. Compared to having a kid that will be 16 with a little 7 year old brother that will bug them. I want to have my next baby, when my son is 1 or 2 years old.

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My daughters are almost exactly 3 yrs apart. They are currently 10 and 7 and the best of friends. They are far enough apart that I could nurse them both for 2 yrs and close enough that they do not know life with out each other. My son is 1 and my daughters have been Amazing to him. They are great helpers and have no jealousy towards him. I think it just depends on what you want. They will be great no matter what.

Helene - posted on 03/11/2010

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Me too! Mine are 16 months apart (now 1 and 2) and we're thinking to wait until they are both in school or at least preschool and go for another two close in age! :-)

Helene - posted on 03/11/2010

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Hi my two boys are 16 months apart (now almost three / 18 months). I have found it a lot EASIER than what I thought and they are such great friends. No jalousy ever as the older one very quickly forgot all about life without his brother - like twins. In a lot of ways I think it's not too different from having twins - wich, fair enough, is a lot of work - but doable and enjoyable!
The only two things that really worried me when planning my second pregnancy was 1. what if it's gonna be a multible birth - you never know - and then you've suddenly got who knows how many babies in nappies... or 2. what if everything isn't normal the second time aroud. Post nantal depression? A disabled or sick child? In both cases I'm sure a bigger gap would be preferable between the siblings!!
All the best and good luck! I hope all of these many answeres are gonna help you, not confuse you :-)

April - posted on 03/11/2010

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i am struggling with this, as well. my son is 14 months and still breastfed...he is also still learning to eat solids because i tried to encourage him to eat purees from 4 months old. he would never open his mouth for me, but now that he can feed himself...he needs a lot more practice!



so my problem is i don't feel comfortable having another baby until he is REALLY good at eating solids and doesnt need to nurse as much for the nutrition.

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i think 21/2 is good to start trying, things like moving your 2 year old to a big boy bed is hard if u were pregnant, plus u still carry ur first baby a lot until about 2 1/2 thats what i did, 3 years a part is good, they will be close to play but u can deal with the baby part one at a time, my cousins are 5 and 8, so i went with that

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2010

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I have 2 boys one age 17months the other age 29 months they are 1 year and 2 days apart and I will be honest it is hard. Two in diapers is a lot of work that being said though I love the idea that they will grow up together. If I did it over I would likely wait so that they would be about a year and a half a part but I love it. I even think about having two more in the future and trying to do the same thing again.

Stephany - posted on 03/11/2010

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My boys are 10 1/2 years apart...There are good things about having them this far apart and bad things...Good things are that my oldest can occupy the little one for long periods of time while I am busy cooking, taking a bath or cleaning...Bad points are my teenager gets annoyed with the baby alot cause all the baby wants to do is be right beside him 24/7......I have never had to deal with having kids around the same age so I can't recomend it cause I honestly dont know how it is to have 2 toddlers, but I am assuming it would be double the stress of one....lol

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My two oldest girls were 2 yrs apart. The rest of my kids are 4-5 yrs apart. My oldest is 17 yrs older than my baby. It usually takes the body a year or so to recover from pregnancy and child birth, so in addition to the age of your first baby, take into consideration how you are feeling. If you are breastfeeding your baby, that can trigger contractions if you are pregnant with another baby, so that's another thing to consider. Your health and bonding with your first baby are primary concern. Really, the best time for you to get pregnant again is when you feel healthy enough to sustain a pregnancy and take care of a little one at the same time. Don't forget to take folic acid and start prenatals before you start trying for another baby. Best wishes! :-D

Beth - posted on 03/10/2010

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I would wait until he is at least 2 years old. I have a child 6 years older and the rest are 2 years apart. The children who are close together have a closer bond.

Marie - posted on 03/10/2010

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i have had all my kids close together i think its better to be far but that is not always the way for ever one so do wt you think is best for yu hun

Sarah - posted on 03/10/2010

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i only have one kid whose 7 months old. and i plan on having my kids at least 2-3 yrs apart. so they each get a few years to enjoy being a baby and ill be still young to keep up and they can grow up together also :) :D. and i plan on having at least 2 or 3 more. my daughter was plannned so i am planning at least be 2-3 yrs for the next.

Heather - posted on 03/10/2010

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My husband and I wanted to have ours close together also, but I think we had them a little too close together. My kids are 2 1/2, 1 yr 3 months and 2 months - 1 boy, 2 girls. I'd recommend having them close together, but waiting at least 2 years between.

The jealousy isn't really an issue with mine, they get along really well. The main reason I would wait is because they get their feelings hurt when they have to share you with a new baby, some more than others. It all depends on their personality and temperment. My oldest was the most sensitive, and sometimes when he would look at me when I was holding the new baby, the hurt, longing look on his face would break my heart. However, his sister wouldn't get hurt feelings, she'd just get mad and have a tantrum.

Also, another thing to remember is that all 3 of mine are still in diapers, and it can get a little overwhelming sometimes trying to keep up with the housework and give them all individual attention.

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my kids are five year old and 14mth old and its hard to keep going with them but i am glad of the space between them as my five year old is a great big sister and helper to me.i dont think i could of coped if the were close together,or my body would of ...but thats just me...:-)

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i'm glad this topic came up. everyone is calling me brave for planning to conceive when my hubby comes hm frm deployment in aug when my son is 9 mo old. even more so i pray for twins! im the youngest of 3 siblings, 20 yrs and 5 yrs apart and not close at all to my bros now. my oldest brother is a grandpa when i just had my first one! and my hubby's siblings r close in age n they are all still close so i've made it my mission to have mine close in age! im also 31 now and dnt want to have any after 33-34, my mom had me in her 40's and we never had a close relationship until now. she's 73 &she tries to help me w/ my son but gets tired very easily and I always end up having to take over.

Kimberly - posted on 03/10/2010

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It jus depends if you are ready to have them so close in away it is good to have them far apart cuz when you have them so close you have to buy double the diapers and everything double

Michelle - posted on 03/10/2010

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I have 6 kids The first 3 are 2 yrs. apart, and the last 3 are 1 yr. apart. It was great they entertain each other, always have some1 to play with. They are good at sharing,and helping each other, because they are so close.

Lynet - posted on 03/10/2010

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honestly it's up to you...how do you feel about handling two toddlers at once? would it be easier on you to wait until he's 4 and then have another one?
i myself, have taken the way my mother did, two close together (not even a yr apart) and one after 4 years...i think it's the perfect plan. that's why i decided to get pregnant after my son was 16 months old...also, I was thinking since I am a stay at home mom, it would be great for him to have a "buddy" in a year or two. and it also helps him to learn how to share and not be the only child...

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