kids in bad marriage vs. kids with divorced parents?? how does it affect their mental wellbeing?

Payal - posted on 05/11/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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need some insight into the mental health of a child in this situation.

9 Comments

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Kristin - posted on 05/18/2010

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You and your child's father are the model for their future relationships. No matter what you do, it will have an impact. I would encourage you to talk with a pro no matter what the decision is. Good luck.

Payal - posted on 05/18/2010

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thanks a lot mommies...this has really helped. i guess sticking it out is not as great for the kid as it seems after all.
hope you ladies have a wonderful life!

Nikki - posted on 05/11/2010

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my parents stuck it out for the kids it wasnt until my brother was 22 and i was 26 they finally divorced. I cannot remember a day they didnt fight, my dad had an affair for 8 years. It was HELL, all I can say is they should have split 20 years ago and everyone would have been happier. My husband and I have always said we will do what is bets for our kids if our relationship turns sour, we will never put them in the middle. It is not fair for a child to see us arguing and having to hide in there rooms. I honestly think `staying together for the kids, does more harm then good`'

Carolee - posted on 05/11/2010

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My parents "stuck it out" until I was in school (since I was the youngest). I remember the fights. I remember crying with my sister in our room. I remember my mom being so depressed that she couldn't take care of us, so my sister took over.



I could not imagine what my life would be like if my parents had not divorced. I understand the 'why' of when they got the divorce, but it's still hard to see that your father's reaction to you entering school is "finally, I'm free".



NEVER, EVER stay in a horrible relationship because there are kids involved.

Kathy - posted on 05/11/2010

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Children sense more than we give them credit for, if there is tension in the house the children will pick it up and make up stories, if you are not honest with them and the circumstances( age appropraite) give a chance to understand what is going on

Cassie - posted on 05/11/2010

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My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade. Looking back I'm glad they did because my sister and I heard them fighting ALL the time. They didn't do it in front of us but kids still pick up on it. If you really honestly and truly don't think you could ever make it work then it may be better for your children to not be together. Just try to keep the family in the same town so everyone gets time with the children. My dad moved across the country and that's something I'll never be able to forgive, but you and your husband need to do what's best for your family and your circumstances.

Carol - posted on 05/11/2010

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I'm the product of the parents sticking it out for the kids. We weren't stupid. We saw what was going on and it would have been sooooo much better for every one if they had split earlier. They finally did when I was 26. Growing up my dad decided to take a lot of his frustrations out on my brother, me, and my twin. The middle one was his princess and she doesn't even remember ever getting hit, let alone getting slammed into walls, belted often, or kicked with lovely steel-tipped boots. My brother got the most of it but he moved out as soon as he could, go figure. My dad also cheated and had worn down my mother's self-esteem and self-confidence so much that he had her convinced that she was imagining it. She had her own quirks but they weren't nearly as detrimental to us and she was a great mom.



Had they gotten out when they should have I wouldn't be here today but my mom probably would have found someone she deserved. She's been single now about 10 years and has never dated yet. Not that you need a guy, but I think she'd be happier and she deserves to know that they aren't all jerks. My brother and 1 sister decided not to have kids in part so they didn't turn out to be like my dad. The other sister has never seriously dated and really seems to distrust men.



Amber's comments make sense. Try all avenues like counseling, self-help books, etc first. If they don't work join half the country and get the divorce. Kids are resilient. You won't scar them if they aren't caught in the middle.

Good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 05/11/2010

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I think that it really depends on the situation. If there is abuse, then the children are definitely better off in a single parent situation. If the other partner just doesn't care and is not committed, I also think that they are better off in a divorced household -- at least that's what friends have told me and from my own experiences.

Amber - posted on 05/11/2010

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I come from a split family. My parent divored when i was 16 and even though i knew it wasnt because of me it was still hard. what also made it hard was the bickering my parent did of one another to the point i had to tell both of them off and that if they had a problem with eachother to take it up with the other. THe best thing i can say is if you think you cant fix your marrage and things are bad, such as a lot of fighting and the child knows it, then from my experiance is to seperate. Also go to some parenting classes for devorcing parents it will help you to deal with things that might arise with you child. also teell the child that it has nothing to do with them and that Both parents love them. Another thing is that no matter how you feel towards eachother to keep any negative things to your self and out of ear shot of the child. Let the child make his or her own desions on how they feel about each parent (not yours, And i know that that can be very hard.) ANd never forget that at functions when you have to be together that its aboput the child. I hope thos helps its not an easy thing to do but good luck!!!!!

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