Leaving my baby with a sitter

Amanda - posted on 07/24/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am a stay at home mom, have been for the last five years. I have a 16 month old who screams uncontrollably, to the point where she gags herself, when we leave her with anyone. My husband and I can't even go out on dates because of this. I don't know what to do. I miss time with him. Can somebody please help?!


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Siouxsie - posted on 07/29/2009




Do you have a mom or mother-in-law close by? That might be another option. I can relate though. I have been a stay at home mom for 17 years. Our children are teens now. Thank heavens that trial is over. But I have a new one now! hehe... My son wanted mom and mom only until he was about 3... He did grow out of it. Our dates consisted of taco bell, and 20 minutes of alone time for a bit.. Which was sad for us, but truly what our son NEEDED. Now he is a totally healthy and adjusted 14 year old. And as a husband and wife team, we had to make some adjustments in our lives. Dates are truly important to stay a happily married couple. You can also do things at home to have "dates" that can make your time together special as well. Try a late night candle light dinner for 2, and a movie in bed, after she is asleep. I do know that going OUT of the house is very important for a stay at home Mom.. There are days that I never leave the house, not even to check the mail now. My son is the first one to run and do that! But I guess it is learning to be content with the situation you are in at the time. If you can do the other suggestions and leave her with someone great, if not, alone time can be arranged at home. Things will change as she grows and developes. That is always something to look forward to. However the time is coming and coming fast that she won't want to be around Mom and Dad, so try to enjoy the time that you have now where she doesn't want to be away from you!

Alicia - posted on 07/27/2009




Maybe it would help if you did some "practicing" before leaving her. Have the person you use as a sitter come over while you are home. Play all together for a while, then slowly let the sitter lead the play, and when your daughter seems comfortable with that, then see if you can go to the other room and do something else while leaving your daughter alone with the sitter. Give her some time to get used to you being out of sight but knowing you are there. Just be sure that if your daughter does get upset, you give the sitter enough time to try and comfort her, so she does not think that you will come back every time she cries, which would make going on a date really hard! It might also help if you can use the same person as a sitter all the time (which I know can be hard) so there is less adjustment and familiarity and trust for your daughter. Good luck. I have never really left my son (15 months old) and I fear doing it, so let me know if you find a trick that works! I also like the suggestion to go out while the baby is sleeping--at least it is a little time away and less worry until you can get her adjusted.

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I use to babysit for a dear friend who's daughter would scream and cry the entire time her parents were gone. There was nothing I could do to console her and she wouldn't let me hold her. Her parents told me to ignore it and let her cry it out. She would usually end up on the floor somewhere and fall asleep. Then we shifted the schedule and they would go out on late night dates after they put her to bed. That made a huge difference and I would babysit until midnight or so. She was asleep and never knew they were gone. Then I sat for another child who was okay IF he didn't see mommy leave. So we would usually go downstairs and avoid the crying by playing with his toys and his parents would sneak out when he wasn't looking. Does your daughter calm down at all after you leave? She may being doing it for your benefit so leave and don't look back. Lingering only makes it worse. Many children do calm down within 15 minutes but I also know that's not always the case. Good luck. I know how valuable time with your hubby is. Try and schedule some dates while she is sleeping.

User - posted on 07/25/2009




Does she stop after you leave? or is this a continuous behaviour? If she stops screaming soon after you leave, I'd advise making good-byes short, sweet, reassure you'll be home later, and out the door you go. If she is continuing this behaviour for some time, talk to your pediatrician - there may be more issues than just separation anxiety.

As a babysitter and a volunteer in my church's nursery, I'd see children frequently scream and give their parents a guilt trip for leaving them, then turn to smiles and giggles within minutes of mom and dad being out of sight.

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