Leaving your child with babysitter for the first time

Melissa - posted on 11/23/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am having alot of trouble trusting anyone to leave my daughter with for a few hours so i can get errands run or have a date night with my husband. I have not spent anytime away from my daughter since she was born the thought of leaving her with someone for a few hours scares me to death. i just cant bring myself to do it but sometimes i want a break but im afraid if i leave her with someone she will cry the whole time im gone or they wont take care of her like i do and she wont be happy anymore and when i go back to pick her up something will be wrong with her. i am also worried that because i havent spent anytime away from her she now has seperation anxiety and she wont be happy with anyone but me and thats not good. Am i being too paranoid? Any advice as to what i should do?

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Renae - posted on 11/23/2009

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Ok first, your baby is going to have separation anxiety no matter what you do. Separation anxiety is a developmental stage and a normal part of psychological development. It occurs when the baby begins to understand that she is separate to you and that you can go away, eventually they learn that you will always come back. I felt better leaving my baby with a) someone who promised to call me if he needed me, not let him scream; b) someone who had young children of their own and remembered and understood what it was like to leave your baby. You can also start small, leave her with someone while you do the grocery shopping or go to the hairdresser, just an hour or so, and build up slowly, that helped me.

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Nope you shouldve seen me! And the first time I did leave my daughter it was with my mom! I think she was 3 months old. Do you have a really good friend or your mom there that even if she did scream the whole time then at least its with someone who loves you despite your screaming kid?!!!! :-) I worried so much I think I texted my mom about 20 times in the couple hours we were gone. But you should do it. How old is she? Let her stay with someone you trust, don't just randomly pick a babysitter. The first time is a milestone for both of you!!! Have her stay with this person just a few hours or even just an hour to begin. Once you get more comfortable you can look for a more steady babysitter or leave her for a longer amount of time. If possible, just find another mom to watch her maybe one whose kids are a little older and don't require so much attention, but knows that a crying baby isn't a sign of bad parenting or something lol and who would know what to do if an emergency came up. It took me over a year before I would leave her overnight. Every mom is different, as every child is too. Do you have a church nursery? That really helped my daughter with separation anxiety. I would leave her for about 5 or 10 min at first and it slowly grew to where she was much more interested in the toys yet was sooo happy to see us walk in and get her! If your really scared, try having this person come over while you go in another room for a bit or while you do outside work and see how your daughter does. And there isn't any thing wrong with checking up on them. You could see if the babysitter could do it at your house, then your child will be in familiar surroundings and sleep in her own bed, etc...

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Bethany - posted on 11/03/2013

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I had my 3rd baby on Sept 29th 2013... My birthday was on Halloween and my boyfriend and I were not able to celebrate it since we had to take my older 2 kids (4 1/2yr old daughter and 2yr old son-not his kids- his were with their moms) out trick or treating... So we decided that we wanted to have a night alone for the first time since we had her so we dropped her off with my parents (who were watching my older 2 already for the weekend) around 7pm and went out for our grown up night together... Our baby doesn't breast feed she's a preemie so she's exclusively bottle fed so for the first time in 10 months we decided to go out for drinks and had a great time... Now that my buzz wore off and I woke up remembering that she's not here next to me I'm a wreck... I've been bawling my eyes out worried sick about her but since its 2:30am I don't wanna call to check in, in consideration of my parents and older children sleeping... She sleeps in my bed with me on a big comfy pillow (so I can cuddle her easier and not worry about just having her on the bed and something happening) but my worry is, is that she's on her pillow between my mom and oldest daughter (my son sleeps in his crib not with me- he refuses) and that my oldest has her leg up over her without my mom knowing (my daughter moves a lot in her sleep so when I'm there and the baby is between us I create a protective barrier by putting my leg on top of the pillow by the babies feet so if my oldest starts to put her leg up over her I can quickly stop her n tell her to roll back the other way)... I just don't know if I'm being paranoid or if I should trust my instincts... Needless to say daddy and I won't be having alone time w/o her again for a long time because I'm just too worried and upset about it now when I was perfectly fine before... Sorry about the novel

Brittany - posted on 11/23/2009

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i think you may be being a lil over worried. its normal to worry but i think you are doing a lil too much. there has to be someone you trust enough to leave your baby with. like maybe your mother or a sibling or grandparent. i think you have the seperation anxiety. all us moms do need a little time to ourselves to unwind and relax n u and hubby also need time together to to reconnect and b together. your not beina bad mom by going out. i think u need to go out, i think uve been in too long. trust me on that one becasue hubby n i didnt go out till my daughter was 1 year old, not because we didnt trust anybody but because there wasnt really anyone to watch her. we dont have any family near us only some friends. find a close friend or relative, see if they will watch ur daughter for a few hours so u can go out with husband and reconnect. you can always call to check up. itll b good for both you and baby. itll help babys social development. if need be in case baby does fuss and cry cuz ur not there u leave a shirt that smells like u. sleep with a shirt every night for a few nights before u plan to go out. the shirt will smell like u and if baby gets fussy, babysitter can let baby hold the shirt. baby will smell ou on the shirt and calm down. itll b ok hun. i think u just need to relax and find a way to have a sitter that makes u feel comfotable. good luck.

Cleo - posted on 11/23/2009

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You are not being too paranoid at all because from the moment your baby was made up to now you two have been together so it's only normal for you to have major concerns. When I had to go back to work and school for the first time I had to leave her at a sitters too and that thought made me physically sick to my stomach and I can proudly say that I cried when I walked back to my car after dropping her off but all the while I was away from her she was being very well taken care of. The sitter knew my worries so she welcomed all my texting and random calls just see how she was doing, and the sitter even threw a few pics to me on my phone throughout the day so I could see that she was happy and safe. Find someone you can really trust to take care of your baby and if you need to call 18 times a day then that's what you have to do but you and your baby will be fine a few hours of the day apart:-)

Teresa - posted on 11/23/2009

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We've only ever left our daughter with family or friends and we started when she was almost two months old. She's 21 months now and is such a people person and I really think that helped. I don't know how old your daughter is, but I would start off by leaving her for half an hour or so for both your sake and hers. :) It's tough leaving your kid for the first time and I don't think you're being too paranoid - just a normal mom! ♥

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