long days at home...

Amy - posted on 02/24/2014 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I'm a full-time stay at home mom to my almost 5 month old, and some days I just have moments where I want a break! I don't ever go do anything with my friends, I don't really contact them to say hey or go visit or have them visit... However, I just hate to leave my son--if I go anywhere I want him to come with! Is 5 months old too young to, say, take him to his gramma's for a couple hours one afternoon and my boyfriend and I go to a movie or something? Or, for example, my boyfriend and I each have a birthday about a week apart in March and he really wants to at least go to dinner (he would like to go to dinner and then also go out for a couple drinks, but his mom would be the one babysitting and I'm nervous to leave him with anyone other than myself or my boyfriend since she doesn't know his schedule and so on so I decided to compromise with him and say we can do dinner as long as it's around 6pm and we're home by at least 8pm so I can do his bath time and bedtime routine). When did some of you moms start going out and doing things for yourself? I'm not saying all the time, but, like lunch with a friend maybe?

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The only people I let babysit were my in laws or my mother. I didn't trust anyone else. I think 5 months old is old enough for you to leave him to get out for a bit. As long as you trust the person you're leaving him with, enjoy yourself and try not to worry too much. Everyone needs to get away every now and then. No shame in that. Actually, it keeps us sane. lol

Rebekah - posted on 03/03/2014

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Maybe try a late dinner or just go out for coffee/Dessert once your baby is asleep for the night. You will be tired the next day but if its a one off it shouldn't be too bad. Does your little one sleep pretty consistently through the night? My little one never wakes ones she's put down but I still get nervous leaving her (even though I just pop around the corner to get milk!) also don't worry too much about the routine my little girl eats & sleeps like clockwork however when visitors come over or mum babysits that all goes out the window! She's a little bit crankier afterwards and goes down for her next nap earlier but it's worth it to see her giggle ,play and just enjoy her grandma or interact with someone other than myself/husband (she loves it!) p.s overbearing mother in laws seem to be an occupational hazard for most new mums😊 good luck!

Amy - posted on 03/03/2014

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Thanks, Serena!! Yes, that's all I want; just to enjoy my time with our son while he's just a little guy!!

Rebekah--well, our sitter is my boyfriend's mother and I really prefer to not give her a ton of time with him because she's very overbearing and obsessed with our son. Maybe if she ever backs off and allows us to visit or invite her over on OUR terms and not HERS, I'll feel better about letting her spend a little time with him (maybe even babysit). My boyfriend made the choice to want to take our son over to visit his mother yesterday (I'm still very against it, but instead of continuing to argue with him about I've taken on an "I have no opinion" approach and just deal with it the best I can.

Rebekah - posted on 03/03/2014

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Maybe invite your sitter over for a few evening so you can get to grips with someone else looking after your bub without the anxiety of not being there. I started leaving my little one with my mum for 20-30 minutes for walks with my husband at four weeks, she had spent plenty if time with the baby under my supervision so I was confident she knew what to do.

Serena Jayne - posted on 03/01/2014

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This sounds exactly like me I have a 15mo and still hate the thought of leaving her alone I don't even trust my mother which sounds horrific I know but its the joys of being a first time mum I have now let her stay with my mum over night and to me it is very hard because your constantly thinking whats going on? is she ok? but when you are ready to do it you will if your not ready to leave your baby then don't the worst thing you can do is stress yourself out about it as your baby can sense your stress enjoy every moment to yourself you can get because when they hit 2 you will be constantly trying to get rid tehe :)

Amy - posted on 02/28/2014

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yes, yes I suppose so. if he's going to get sick i would just rather it happen when he's older and functioning more (i.e. able to walk, speak words, sit by himself for a longer period of time, etc). i do think i will feel better once i start doing things for myself and just getting out of the house by myself once in awhile, but it's just hard to not feel guilty i guess. thanks for the encouragement!!

Siakapoor - posted on 02/27/2014

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Dont worry about him getting sick! All of us got sick and we are the way are now because we develop resistance that way right? :) And you have brought him into this world so that he can enjoy it and not stay home!
You will notice how you feel much better and recharged once you get a small outing and some me-time for yourself ! have fun on saturday and dont stress. everything will be just fine!!!

Amy - posted on 02/27/2014

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Ekaterina--thank you! yeah I'm thinking it'll probably take me that long to feel comfortable with leaving our son with anyone except myself or my boyfriend...I'm sure we'll end up doing something for an hour or two sooner than later, but that def doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it. I'll be trying to relax, but I'm sure that's easier said than done! I will most definitely be leaving my in-law detailed instructions!!!! I would usually feel bad about telling someone what to do, but this is our child, not my mother-in-laws!!! I suppose that's an idea--to have her and our son interact a lot before she babysits), and I'm sure she will see our son before the babysitting, but I'm not a fan of that (long story--she's overbearing and obsessed with our son and thinks she needs to be involved in everything with us so I tend to not want to go visit her, have her babysit and so on).

Siakapoor--It def gets frustrating at times. I do take him out when the weather is nice now--we both enjoy it!--but i'm always worried he'll get sick so I try not to do it too often. I did contact one of my girlfriends the other day and asked if she wanted to grab lunch and meet our son since she hasn't yet and she said that'd be great, so, I've got plans for Sat (not taking my son with--he'll be at home with daddy) but we'll see if I'm able to keep them. I'm already nervous to leave....I'll miss him!!! But I def need to work on taking time for myself.... :)

Siakapoor - posted on 02/27/2014

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Hi Amy,
It can get really frustrating to be homebound all the time with your little one.
It got to me after 1 month itself! My husband and me started taking our little out when he was just one and a half months old. We took him to a coffeshop which was onl 5 minutes away from hpme so that we could rush back in case of any emergency. Now he is 6 months old and we take him wherever we go. When I want my alone time I leave him with my husband even if it is just for half an hour or 45 minutes just to get some fresh air, take a walk. You really need sometime for yourself and dont feel guilty about it.

Ekaterina - posted on 02/26/2014

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I can relate to that mistrust to other people. I started feeling comfortable with leaving my son with in-laws only at the age of 7-8 months. The amount of time that we can be without each other has increased to 3 hours which gives my husband and me a good chance to go to a movies or to dinner. I think it is a good idea, and of course easily doable, to do for dinner early and then come back to continue baby's routine. Try not be stressed though, as it won't help you relax and enjoy your time out, and your baby will feel it too. So instruct your in-law, leave her a list of things that need to be done, HOW to do them, have your phone with you when you go out. Also try to have her come over more frequently before the X day so that baby gets more used to her and you will observe from aside their dynamic and address it right away if you don't like something.

Amy - posted on 02/26/2014

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it is ok? i mean really i don't trust anyone except my boyfriend and i..nobody knows our son like we do! nobody else will know the little things that might make him smile/happy when he's having a bad moment and so on... when the time comes, i will MOST DEFINITELY be leaving a list for my boyfriends mom (since she'll most likely be the one who watches him). can't wait until he's a bit older, then i won't feel quite so leery about leaving him with anyone other than my boyfriend and i....

Sarah - posted on 02/25/2014

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Amy it is OK to leave him with a family member for a bit at that age. You are just being a bit over protective but hey we all have our overprotective times!!!! Family members will think you don't trust them so if you leave a complete list with what to do then you are good. I went through the same thing but learned it is fine to go to lunch or just have me time with a baby that age that is with my mom. I understand.

Amy - posted on 02/25/2014

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I have the same family situation as well; my boyfriend is gone from 5am-6pm for work and I'm home all day with our son. I was also like you as far as being scared to leave the house to do anything with baby because I was terrified that he would get sick. Not that long ago I finally started taking him out on afternoon strolls (he loves being outside!) if it was nice weather and/or I needed to run a couple errands within walking distance from our home. I can't keep him cooped up in our apt all day long! But since yours is only 1 month old I completely understand your worry.

And his mom is always more than willing to watch our son if we wanted to go do something, but I'd rather just stay home with him....he'll only be this little once and I'd rather he spend time with his mommy and daddy rather than us going out for dinner or something and leaving him with gramma. Good luck to you as well! :) It will get easier I promise!

Shyla - posted on 02/25/2014

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I can understand what you're going through. I have a one month old baby and I stay at home with her all day while my boyfriend is at work. Then when he gets home he is too tired to take care of the baby because his job is very labor intensive so he usually goes straight to sleep for a while. I barely get any rest and there is no one to babysit for me except my mother for a few hours only on a few days of the week. I can't leave the house to do anything at all. I'm afraid to take the baby out for fear of her getting sick. It's been a lonely month and I anticipate many more to come. I hope things get easier for you and if you can find someone to babysit I suggest you take what time you can. Give his mom a chance at babysitting if it feels right, and it may just work out fine. Good luck :)

Amy - posted on 02/25/2014

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thanks! so, with my son being almost 5 months old, you don't think it's too soon in his life for me to go grab lunch with a friend or something while my boyfriend stays home with our son?

Cynthia - posted on 02/25/2014

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Hi i have the same problem i cant trust anyone but my mum to babysitt , but i gues at some point we have to trust others or else your boyfriend will start get bored of your relationship... Since you have an occasion take a chance :)

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