loss of rank in friendship?

Jessica - posted on 12/16/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone
I really need some friendship based advise. To make it very short, I was in very tightly with a group of three other ladies and we did everything together for about a year. gradually i started seeing photos of the three of them together out at events i was not invited to. when we were together i would constantly feel left out of the conversation as they were always discussing places and events they were at together and i was not. I view friendship in a hierarchy there are your friends that you are nice to when you have to, like at work or in passing. there are friends that you hang out with in a group and there are friends that are your soulmates, ones you call for everything, hang out doing nothing together. I thought i was in the last category of friendship with these ladies, but i seem to have been bumped down to the second category. can a friendship still go on when you have been "demoted".

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Ami - posted on 12/16/2012

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I have been going through something very similar. It has been the most painful lonely time of my life and to make matters even more difficult we are all neighbors one lives on one side of me and 2 live on the other side of me. I have felt like a prisoner yet I took a really long hard look at them and at our "friendships" they are negative people who talk badly about other people, and when I was with them I did the same. That isn't the kind of person I was before I meet them and it isn't the kind of person I want to be. I thought if I where to meet me would I like that person and the answer was no I didn't like who I was. So ultimately them turning on me was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have taken cookies to some new neighbors and old ones and I have gotten to know some of the most amazing people. Am I running out to make new friendships no because I was burned pretty badly but I like who I am now. I worried that the loss of these friends would negatively effect my daughter and her having friends but I didn't like the way their children treated my daughter any way, but I would keep my mouth shut just to save a friendship that wasn't worth saving. Could this ladies even really relate to you and what you go through with your son or did they even try? These are some things you need to ask your self. Give your self time to morn but then move on and move up. You only get Demoted in life if you allow yourself to be.

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2012

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I would ask them why you weren't invited to the other events. If they just seem to making excuses then it's not worth worrying over.

Sometimes we have to cut the friendships that aren't healthy for us and move on.

Jessica - posted on 12/16/2012

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forgot to add that i am the only one in the group with a special needs child, my son is almost 5 and has SPD/ADHD but he is a lovely friend and very kind to people.

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