Love my husband...don't ever want sex again! Don't touch me!

Brie - posted on 01/25/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I don't know what to do. I've never really liked or enjoyed sex. On a rare occasion ill get into it and we have a lot of fun but that hasn't happened in months.
I'm only 21 and I haven't been abused or molested and my husband has never hurt or harmed me or made me feel insignificant. I feel bad because he constantly wants sex and i just keep pushing him away. It's like a chore and it bores me. It's so hard to even somewhat orgasm (which are not all that great either... Don't know what the big deal is)
When we do have sex, I find myself a passive participant and I just lay there. I feel hardly any pleasure No matter what position we try.
It's not just sex either, I HATE HATE HATE cuddling. I get hot, itchy, antsy and feel claustrophobic. My husband knows i don't like it but he thinks its funny to hold me down and "force" cuddle me anyway....he knows i hate it when he does that but he still does it anyway.

I've never been into masturbating, as I find it weird and uncomfortable (I was raised being told sex was a bad dirty thing)
I'm not on any medications and I'm not depressed. I am breastfeeding a 10 month old but just that wouldn't make me so adverse to sex and touch would it?
We haven't even been married a year and I'm so young (hubby is 25) that it seems i should be always wanting sex...right?

Please help, I'm worried it might start to hurt our marriage!

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Michelle - posted on 01/26/2013

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I agree with Jodi. Being brought but believing that sex is dirty thing would have a HUGE impact on how you perceive it as an adult. When you say you don't know what the big deal is about an orgasm screams to me that you have never had one!

You need to learn to love your body and also how to please it before anyone else is able to learn. Masturbating is an integral part to growing into our sexuality. How can we let our partners know how to satisfy us if we don't know how to satisfy ourselves?

Jodi - posted on 01/26/2013

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I think that because you were raised to believe that sex is a bad, dirty thing, that this is having a psychological effect on how you feel about it. It is the reason you are so adverse to sex. I have heard of this happening before with people who are brought up with these views of sex. These beliefs seem to be so morally imprinted on someone that it has become an unconscious feeling that can't be pushed past.

I would suggest you seek some counselling for yourself to help you sort through how you feel about sex. A sex therapist may be necessary, but definitely seek the assistance of a counsellor. How you are feeling may not be affecting your marriage now, but the chances are it will, and you could both end up resenting one another. This doesn't sound to me like a sex drive/libido issue, but rather an issue with having sex at all.

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Carrie - posted on 01/25/2013

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Hi...sorry to hear ur having such a rough time ! I can relate to the cuddling issue...I hate hate it ! I've never heard anyone else describe it exactly like how I feel. I do however enjoy sex. I would honestly suggest mentioning lack of desire to your Dr bcz intimacy is definitely important. Possibly what u described growing up had more effect on u than u might think and is making it impossible to enjoy it. Hang in there !!!

Thassia - posted on 01/25/2013

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Girl I hear you. My husband and I have only been married a year and we were both virgins. We dont have any issues either but the problem is me. I'm 25 years old and I have ZERO sex drive. It drives my husband insane and I just give it up to please him but it really frustrates me as it has become a boring routine just to keep the peace in the household. We have fought endless nights about this subject, tells me it is my duty as a wife to please her husband since he fulfills all of HIS duties. He's been trying to convince me to go to a gyno or a therapist, but I guess I'm just ashamed to talk to a total stranger of this rather embarassing topic.

Cindy - posted on 01/25/2013

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It will hurt your marriage. If a man doesn't get a release at least once a week he will be grumpy and eventually leave

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