Lying...how to curb it?

Lori - posted on 11/19/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I know kids lie. My question is...the kids are encourged to lie at their mother's house (to keep secrets from my husband's family.) So when they lie about stuff here, how do I help them understand that lying isn't good and telling the truth will be better?

For example, this summer the 2 yr old hit her 6 yr old sister, so I had the 2 yr old lay down in my bed and not play with her sisters. The 6 yr old came downstairs to tell me her sister got up and when she came to tell me, the sister ran back into my room, closed the door and got back in bed. So I go up there, and the 2 yr old is passed smooth out. So I ask if she really did come out and the 6 yr old kept saying and kept saying yes. So I say she isn't that good at lying or pretending to be asleep. She even lied to her father over the phone. Finally after an hour, she admitted that her sister didn't get up and she was lying because she was mad at her sister and knew I would get onto the sister for getting up. This is the kind of thing that is encouraged at the mother's house. What can I do to not be too hard on them yet still help them understand what they're doing is wrong?

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Caryn - posted on 11/19/2009

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We have a similar problem at my house. I have a 5yr old and 14mo old, and also a 4yr old step daugter. My stepdaughter is not disciplined in anyway at her mothers house and constantly gets what she wants when she wants (up to and including staying up till 1-2AM!).

I am very strict here with discipline and its taking her awhile but she is learning that some of the things she does are innappropriate and will not be tolerated. In 6months we have gone to constant tantrums all day because she didn't get her way to *maybe* one a week (we have her 4days a week) and those are usuallybecause shes tired. She has actually got to the point where she would rather be at our house than her mothers, I think because here she gets loving attention and not so much there.

Just stay consistent. Make sure your DH does as well. It takes time, especially with the older ones, but eventually they will learn that those behaviors are inappropriate and untolerated.

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