Me & my husband are going to get separated....do you think im doing the wrong thing?

Angela - posted on 01/15/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Well we have a 4 month old daughter & I have a 4 year old daughter. I am a stay at home mom because basically ever since we got together I havent worked and thats been a lil over 2 years now. I have tried to work things out with him and exlain to him how I feel because its like I do everything yes he works (USMC) but he barely does much there. Last year when I was preggo & my mom was on her death bed he had time to go out with his friends and drink and even get girls numbers while I was in Va with my family & my mom wanted to see him but he always said he was too busy which I now know was a lie. He is 23 & I am 26 I feel like Ive already grew up when I had my first daughter but he is still acting like a child and it makes me so mad. So I have decided to leave him as soon as I can find a place back in Va. It just hurts me too know that it had to be this way because im the only one willing to change. I know its goin to be so hard to be a single mom of 2 but I know if my mom could do it with 3 girls I can do it. He also like to make smart remarks to me like my teeth are bad and he like to joke about things and that makes me feel like crap & since our daughter came he has been very smart towards my daughter and that pisses me off so bad.

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If you dont love him anymore and he treats you that bad you should leave. Your kids are the most important thing in the world and if he cant be there for you all when you need him he isnt worthy of you

Christi - posted on 01/19/2010

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you are doing the right thing for you and your child(ren). i know if my husband was out fooling around and flirting when i needed him emotionally, that would have been the end of it. i know how difficult it is to live with someone who is obssessed with other women, but tries to convice you that you are the one and only. i live with him. if he isn't being a father figure, then it sounds like your daughter isn't really loosing that much. it will be hard, but you are a woman and we can give birth so you can do this. just hang in there and ask for God's blessing.

Megan - posted on 01/19/2010

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kick him to the curb and stand up for yourself. dont let him degrade you like that. no husband should ever do that and the main reason it happens is because you let it happen. i'm not saying fight with him but dont let him make you feel bad for him because you are just letting him set you up to be insecure after you arent together anymore and then in the end you will never be happy if you find someone else. say goodbye adios see you never and if he treats your daughter like crap dont give into his bull later on about i want to see my kids and the whole im sorry bull#$%*.
always remember women are strong creatures and that has been proven in many ways and i know women are stronger than men in many ways that are beyond physical strength but a majority of women give up their power therefore making themselves weak. your mom raised 3 children alone, that takes a strong woman.

Danielle - posted on 01/18/2010

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If he has cheated on you, I would definitely say you have every right! Nobody can tell you what to do. You and your kids are the ones that have to live with the decision. I have been married for eleven years now and sometimes my husband still acts like he has no sense. He's a lot better than he used to be though. Sometimes it takes men a long time to grow up; some never do. The question is, what is it worth to you? How much are you willing to put up with. Everyone has they're own limit. I thought I had reached mine a few times myself, but decided I wasn't ready to give up after all. If your husband is only 23, he's probably got a long way to go. It's not going to happen as quickly as you would like. I definitely think that too many couples get divorced, because things aren't the way they thought it would be, or not the ideal situation. However; if it is an abusive (physically or mentally) situation, you have the right to get away from that!

Eliz - posted on 01/17/2010

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It not going to get any better my dear..it hard and will be if yr single..what happen to the love or did you marry or live together cuz you got preg.. He seems immature and this will be the problem...dont let anyone emotionally or mentally abuse you cuz this is what he is doing by smart ass remarks..cuz he is the one insecure..I left an abusive relationship, no job, not much money, and 3 kids..once y decide you not willing to be abused in any way even verbally, mentally, emotionally not to mention physically and you need to be yrself, and well in order to be a good mother..then and only then will yr life get better and y gain the strength to stand up on yr own..

Decide and plan and prepare yrself and listen to yr instinct..look at this 2-4-6 yrs from now..what do you see..is it good or not ..if not get out but plan it first..

Hella - posted on 01/16/2010

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I think you are doing the right thing, if things arent working and you have tried to work at the problems in the relationship then its your call to separate. I agree that its better for kids to be with a single mum than an unhappy marriage.

Angela - posted on 01/16/2010

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thank ya'll so much...i mean i had my sisters tellin me the same thing but i wanted to hear it from women other then family

Mary-Ann - posted on 01/15/2010

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Well personally I think it is way better to break up now than have years of fighting or barely tolerating each other for the sake of the kids. I wouldn't want my kids to grow up with me and DH knowing that as soon as they were old enough we would split. It would be like them feeling secure and in a happy home just to find out it was all a lie. This way you and your hubby will be happier, he can do his single life stuff he obviously still wants and you can get on with raising your daughters. Less fighting=happier kids.

Caitlin - posted on 01/15/2010

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I think you are doing the right thing. There is only so much that you can do when it comes to your relationship. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and maybe it isnt best for him to be doing his "growing up" around your children. Stay strong and just remind yourself that you deserve someone who will treat you right and love being around your children.

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