Men having full custody of children?

Jessica - posted on 01/25/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have full custody of my first son and will until he turns 18. His father is completely inept of being a parent. But ever since I left that abusive and unhealthy home I have been with another man who has really been the light of my life. He's a great role model to my son who hasn't seen his father since he was 4 months old, and is going to be a father to our son who is growing in the womb. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and the mother is quite selfish, unfit, and is always hounding us for money yet never lets him see his child like he begs. He's made really expensive trips to Utah just to see his daughter and tries so hard to make everything work for his baby's mother. She in turn slaps him in the face and blames him for having another child.

She kept him out of his daughters life for the entire tail end of the pregnancy and first two years of her life and told him that she was someone else's child. He finally got too sick to his stomach to listen to that anymore and got a paternity test done. It came back at a match for 99.999% his child. He then started giving her money without having a child support order, gives her more then she's entitled to, and has made two trips on our income to go to Utah to see his daughter. He asks to simply video chat with her or talk with her on the phone. Her mother (who doesn't have a job and only goes to a class three times a week) never responds to him or acts petty/selfish. It's never about his daughter. It's always about what's best for her. So after months of trying to work with her to get his daughters birth certificate corrected with his last name so he can make sure that she is enrolled in Tricare, Deers, etc. (he's active duty military) she has completely opted out of actually doing any of that to better her daughters life.

My man is so frustrated.

So, in cases like this are there any pointers for a man to get full custody of his child? He's a great person. Has a stable future. Has huge goals. Very goal oriented. Talks about his daughter constantly. And is so mad that he missed out on years of her life because his ex got back with her abusive husband and raised her daughter around that. His ex then bounced from her husband to another man, to another man, and when she's been with her current boyfriend she was going to let him adopt my man's daughter without even contacting him about it. His daughter legitimately could've been adopted without him ever even knowing it was his blood and flesh.

So is there any chances that we could get full custody of this little girl? I feel so bad that he had to miss out and his daughter had to miss out on so much of each other. We have a very stable home and are fully ready financially and otherwise to take her on. I think the only reason her mom would fight to keep her is because she gets a chunk of money from us that she doesn't use on her daughter but herself. Good ol' support that doesn't have to be accounted for. Lovin' it.

Any suggestions ladies?

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Jessica - posted on 01/26/2014

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The problem is he didn't KNOW his daughter was his until her second birthday. He's only been in her life for maybe a couple of months. Where has has beat himself up about not being there her entire life. He didn't really have a choice though. The mother of his child was still married to another man who was also in the military. She told him a different song and dance in the beginning. There isn't a 'beginning' because going to a lawyer with a situation where you in the beginning didn't feel like you were entitled to your child because you weren't around is a different thing. But yeah, I agree he has to be assertive. He lets her beat him up because he wasn't around but I have to remind him it wasn't out of choice. It's kind of ridiculous.

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2014

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He needs to see a lawyer. He needs to go to court and file for custody or at least get visitation orders in place.
If he had gone to a lawyer at the beginning it would have all been dealt with.
He's got to be assertive and not let his ex control everything.

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