MIL issues...

Bretni - posted on 04/25/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Now she's not quite my mother in law yet but soon will be. Me and my boyfriend have a baby on the way in 2 months, I have a 1 year old and we live in a small 2 bdrm appartment. We're going to try and move to a bigger place in the next year but for now we are struggling with room. My MIL is having some living problems of her own and at first expected us to let her live with us... we don't have the room. Now I think she is over that but she keeps trying to give us stuff to store for her and I honestly think it's disrespectful and she doesn't appreciate that we have a new baby to make room for. It's not just that she's trying to give us stuff, it's that she doesn't even ask.. she TELLS us she's giving us something. Like last night we asked her if she could take one of her plants back and she said no and that she had another plant for us. When we tried to explain to her we don't have the room she suggested moving MY rocking chair to make room for HER plant.. SERIOUSLY!! When is she going to have a little respect for us and let us have what want and not have what we dont want. I guess my real question is "what cant I do to relay my feelings to her without her getting upset or me sounding like the bad guy?" Thank you!!

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Wendy - posted on 04/26/2011

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A polite but firm "NO, I am sorry, there is just not enough room with the new baby on the way." And your fiance' needs to stand behind you in this decision. This baby is going to be the center of your world. You need all the room you can get with an active 1 yr old and new baby. You and your fiance' have a responsibility to make your home as safe and comfortable as possible. No one wants to live in a house full of clutter or storage boxes! It just makes for bad energy in that situation. There is no time for stress and family drama. Sounds like you are a very sweet person who doesn't like conflict, but in this situation, you may have to face your fears and politly stand up to her on this one. Best of luck to you and your growing family!

Stephanie - posted on 04/26/2011

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I'd probably just start stacking stuff on his side of the bedroom and then we he complained simply say... well it's your Mom's stuff if you don't have room tell her but I'm not crowding the kids more than they already are... we need to make room for your baby you know... and just look at him and let him know she is HIS problem! All else fails I'm mean... I'd tell her we don't have room here's the number for a storage place and the Salvation Army I'll help you haul it to either one...

Tia Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011

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Oh boy! This is something that a. your fiance needs to take the lead on. If you're going to be a family, he HAS to establish that him mother is NOT the woman he now considers 1st in his decisions.

b. Don't let her get your goat. When she tells you, you say no. Don't back off of that no. It's your house. You say what goes in there. Essentially, she's trying to (consciously or subconsciously) figure out how far she can go in controlling your relationship. (ask me how I know this some day) Don't let her urinate in the corners of your house. Offering an alternative, like looking for a storage unit, with her might help her understand that you are not open for business storing her stuff. Telling her that you are going to donate the plants she doesn't come get to the hospital or local nursing center might help her see that she's going to have to comply with your requests or lose whatever she won't remove.

Know that what you do now will establish the ground rules for how she respects your authority as a mother. If you think it's annoying now... Wait until she gives your baby something you don't want him/her to have, like soda or candy or a bottle of Kool-aid. Lord forbid your child has food allergies and she doesn't obey your -necessary and health related - strictures on food only to cause your baby to have an anaphylactic reaction. (examples from MY mil experiences)

Christy - posted on 04/25/2011

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I think a firm "No" with a smile on your face is enough. You shouldn't have to explain, your situation is obvious and she's taking advantage of you.

Really though, sit her down and kindly tell her she needs to store her stuff elsewhere. You don't have the room for it, period. And if she keeps moving things into your house, advise her it's going to be placed on the doorstep so you have room for your growing family, no ifs, ands, or buts about it!

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Theresa - posted on 04/25/2011

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Let your significant other tell her. If you get in the middle things could get ugly fast.

[deleted account]

That's certainly a tough question. My inlaws do the same thing, but we have more room than you do. If we don't want it it goes in the back of the truck and gets donated to Goodwill. They bring us food that they don't like too, more junk for my boys. If I'm lucky I can hide it until they are gone and it goes to the dogs or in the trash.
Your bf needs to stand up and tell her NO, we do not want or need any more of your stuff. Offer to help her move it to a storage unit if needed, don't offer to pay for it though! It's hard to say anything w/out hurting feels, my mil always gave the hurt look and tone of voice but you have to ignore it and stand firm. Easier said than done I know, just keep trying.

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