Mom of 4, 1 diagnosed with O.D.D. 1 diagnosed with Tourette's!

Christa - posted on 06/03/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm a stay at home mom to four kids. My husband and I have custody of his two children and we have custody of my daughter from a previous relationship then we have a son together. My husband's boys who are 11 and 8 were recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and the 8 yr old was diagnosed with Tourette's, ADHD and OCD. We've started medications but seems that things are still way out of control. I have raised these two boys as my own for the last 6 years as their bio mom has popped in and out of the picture. I'm getting so frustrated bc the boys don't seem to appreciate me or anything I do for them. How do I keep going? My relationship with my husband is great until an issue with one of the boys comes up. We've been married for three years (in just a few days) and I don't want to leave, but sometimes I feel that it's not fair to my other two children that all of our time and energy is spent on handling the older boys. Please help!

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Alina - posted on 06/07/2013

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Hi Christa. I cannot imagine the struggle you are going through. I don't know what ODD is, but my son was diagnosed with ADHD and developmental delay with speech delay. A year ago my stepkids had to come live with us (temporarily) while their mother complied with court orders. Both the kids had been neglected and both ended up needing glasses. They both wet the bed (ages 9, 7). My daughter has bladder control issues at night. Then my stepdaughter had been diagnosed with ADHD and my stepson with asthma. (My son has asthma also). I had medications flying everywhere! Hospital stays, calls to the school every week for my stepson's horrible aggressive behavior, both of them had failed in school with their mom . . . . it was a hard year! Our two kids were caught in the middle of me trying to raise my stepkids and pour into them in one year what their mom should have been pouring into them all along. My husband and I argued for a while because as a SAHM he expected me to handle all four children, including homework, while he was relaxing. That didn't fly well, as you can imagine. How did I keep going? Well, as a Christian I prayed for daily wisdom, asked God for wisdom with how to handle my kids, called our Pastor to the house for counseling, had family meetings on how all of us were going to participate in making home a more peaceful place to be. I had to demand that my husband spend more time with the kids, then I started taking just the boys out one day, and the girls stayed with dad. And vice versa. My husband would put my stepson on punishment, and when he was on punishment the other kids suffered too! I told him that was unfair and I changed it. When he would get grounded from going on fun outings, I got a babysitter for my stepson and we followed through on taking the other 3 out for a fun time. It was so much hard work, but we got there. You may need a stronger dose of meds for the kids. You certainly need time for you and your husband. And when my stepkids' mother came early and got them from us, I took my kids out of school early to spend a lot of time with them, repairing the damage that had been done over the year. My son really needed that, as he had begun acting out in school. You are right, Christa, that it is not fair to your other two children that they are not getting the time and attention they need from you and your husband. I pray your husband will agree with you about how things must change, so you can get your peace back. I did it through reading my Bible, prayer, counseling and following through on schedules, discipline and letting the family know what was expected of them. I pray things work for you, Christa. Keep us posted . . .

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