Mommy and Daddy.

Rani - posted on 11/08/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hellooo,
I am a young mother to twin baby girls born 34wks but are now 3 months old. Their father and I are high school sweethearts. But there has been a little arguement lately and I need some opinions. So he works 40+ hours a week making the money paying the bills while I stay home and raise our twins. But when he is home he doesn't change diapers doesn't get me anything while I'm nursing (like water or tea etc. ) he sleeps through the night while I nurse the girls. I started bottle feeding first while they were in the nicu and when they came home they were on the bottle for at least a month before I switched them exclusively to breast. And for that month before breast he would wake up once for like a week in a half to help me with them. But then I decided he didn't need to help that I could do it all on my own cause he was falling asleep while holding and feeding one and just flat out pissed off that I woke him up to help. Mind you he got 12 wks out of work. Anyways now when I ask him to help me with anything he throws it in my face that he works and pays the bills so this is my job. The two kids. He can't even hold one while I feed the other to keep her calm. He tells me I should get a job and work as much as he does and he will stay with the babies but I can't do that until they're off breast. Basically I have to take care of everyone and get an attitude when I ask him for help for his children. He doesn't even want to help rock them to sleep but when they cry he expects me to stop them right away. Besides all this stress I have what should I do? Should I let him continue to be this way. Because until I get a job and help with bills he will continue to use that against me. If it was one baby my whole perspective on this would be completely different. Please help.

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Yomommyy - posted on 11/29/2016

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Being a stay at home moma is a fulltime job, after he comes home he probably eats,watches tv and sleeps and your work continues. you should be able to take a break..everyone needs time to themselves and he should b sharing these special momets with you and he should make the time to bond with his babies, no excuses. You guys should create a schedule and he should give u time to yourself and you should engage him by going out together and spending time as a family.

Michelle - posted on 11/08/2016

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You need to tell him that you didn't create the children on your own, he helped with that and he also needs to step up and help parent them.
40+ hours a week isn't that much, I know people who work 60+ hours a week so he can suck it up.
You could always plan some time for yourself. When he has a day off, go out for a coffee and leave him with the children for an hour or so. If he complains about it, let him know that he gets to leave the house everyday without the children so now it's your turn. Don't tell him where you are going, turn off your phone and enjoy an hour to yourself.
My ex husband always threw it at me that I didn't work as much as him. That was just one of the reasons I left him. After I left he did apologize and said he didn't realize how much I actually did.

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M - posted on 12/12/2016

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It sounds like hubby might be jealous of the twins. Which I've found to be common in first time dads. You spend 9 months planning for these beautiful babies and you think it will be all roses and then reality sets in. You don't have sex like you used to. You don't spend time together like you used to. With all the crying and lack of sleep you can't even think like you used to. You and hubby become two sad ships passing in the night. You feel like a milk cow and totally unsexy...
or maybe that's just me :-)

With all of that said... if I described what you're feeling... then it sounds like you and hubby need to do some reconnecting. Do a little pumping and find a sitter for 2 to 3 hours and go to the park or something that doesn't cost money and talk about everything BUT the kids. I think the more you guys connect, the more he will come around.

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2016

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I will put my life into perspective.
I have 3 children, work full time, have another business that I am trying to get off the ground as well as the house to run.
I spend time with each child on their own, they all do out of school activities and we still spend 1 day a week as a family. It can be done so his reasons aren't substantiated with actual facts, they are just excuses.
Even when I was at home with the children, my husband stepped up and helped me. I find it just lazy that a man won't help with his children!

Sue - posted on 11/10/2016

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Instead of demanding he help, I sugggest you stress how he is missing out on bonding with his babies. While you had 9 months to get to know them before they were born, His first meeting with them was just 3 months ago when they were fragile newborns. I'm sure he had no clue what to do with them! Maybe you can talk (calmly) with him about how important it is that they also bond with him so he doesn't miss out on the fun years ahead and they don't miss out on his love. The girls need to learn his feel and his touch. Maybe you could strip one of the girls to her diaper and allow her to sleep on his chest. Let them both learn the warmth, safety and familiar sound of Daddy comforting her. They're getting old enough that you and he can take them places together and start putting the fun back in life. Dress them up, and take them for a stroll at the mall -- or a sporting goods store. Yes, he should involved in caring for your babies and you DO work! Maybe checking on the cost of day care for two babies would be a wake up call for him but I hope his growing love for them will help motivate him. Praying for you and him, sweet mama!

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