Moms with 3 or more kids at home

Christina - posted on 03/04/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I have three girls, ages 4, 2, and 5 months. I really feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. I always wonder, am I paying enough attention to all three of them, are they bored, how am I going to find time to start dinner tonight etc etc......I always wonder if I'm doing a good job, it's tough with three girls so close in age. Anyone else in the same boat?

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Tally - posted on 03/04/2010

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You are definitely not alone in this one... and I am sure you are a great mom - otherwise you wouldn't even think along those lines.



So here's my 2 cents:



I am a mom of 5 children. I have been home most of the time with them... and have sacrificed a lot to be able to do that. I work from home... and I have been homeschooling for over 15 years. ( I guess I am a real home-body...lol)

What I discovered several years ago, is that our culture has really pushed this whole idea of child focused parenting. This concept sounds good, but really isn't.. and produces very selfish adults. Family focused parenting is when each member of the family sees the needs of the family as a whole... children who are raised in this kind of atmosphere tend to be happier and less demanding.

There's really good advice on parenting on FocusOnTheFamily.com



Children need to understand that their entertainment 'needs' NEVER come before responsibilities. Even though your little ones are very small, you can involve them in household responsibilities... of course it will take twice the time, doing things this way... but they will learn to see themselves as an important part of taking care of the whole family. Plus.. it is a lot of fun for them to be involved. There are so many tasks that little hands can do .. And enjoy doing. And of course, while they are 'working' you tell them what great little helpers they are.

In addition.. I also feel that children need to learn how to play on their own... using their imagination.. and not always be stimulated by adults. This doesnt' mean we don't spend time playing with them, reading to them, and teaching them... but just not all the time. They need to expect that every day, they will have their own time without mommie, to play... and even some alone time, with books or other things.



I wish you and your family the best!



Proud stay at home mommy

to 5 awesome kids



Tally



MommyEarnAtHome.com



I help moms earn from home… like me!

Breezy - posted on 03/04/2010

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Yup Yup but I have all boys 4 of them, all under 4. ( 4, 4, 2 1/2, and 9 mo.) Up until last month it really got people's attention when I said 4 under 3. I think my kids are so much happier and well off than the cousins that are all by themselves. When I dont have time to spend with them, say folding laundry, or making dinner than I know they have each other to play with, even when they fight its only for a minute and I give out kisses and everything is ok. I feel sorry for kids that dont have a sibling. I loved growning up with my sisters and brother and spending countless hours playing barbies. Those days have now come back, however now its playing trains and trucks.

I know the feeling of wanting to know if im doing a good job, I was walking through the store the other day and my kids were complaning about not getting this or not getting that. I said out loud, "boy it would be great to hear something nice!" From behind me there was a little elderly woman probably about 70, she said, "Your doing a great job mom!" I just about started to cry. You probably wont hear from your girls you did a great job until they have kids of their own. But from another mother who knows a thing or two, about feeling overwhelmed YOU DOING A GREAT JOB!! You wouldnt worry if you weren't!

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Kate - posted on 03/17/2010

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My sons are a 2 yr old and twins that are 7 mo. The kids don't get nearly as much attention as the 2 yr old did before the babies came. He was a very clingy baby. l worked until l was 3 months pregnant with the twins. Now that l'm home all the time, the kids are more content to play by themselves. They let me know when they aren't getting enough attention. So as long as they are happy, l take time for me. The house may not be up to some peoples' standards, but it's no good for any of us when l try to do too much and end up all stressed out. So l think the kids will let you know if they aren't getting enough attention. Relax a little, do something nice for yourself. l also think; what would it be like for them if l was their whole world and something happened to me? They have to be able to play and function on their own to be well rounded individuals.

[deleted account]

widow of three kids, just started going back to school, love being a stay at home mom, but so much to do, never a dull momment and always something to do

Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2010

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I'm in the same situation. It seems like there isn't enough time to do everything! Between chores, dance lessons, and whatever else is going on I barely have any time to myself so I wonder if I'm giving the kiddos enough alone time with me. My kids are 6 (boy), 4 (girl), and two months (boy). I'm hoping that it gets nicer out soon! At least then they will play more outside and they're be less of a mess inside to keep up with. I have them help but it seems neverending! lol

Andrea - posted on 03/06/2010

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Ha! thats a funny story you tell..i have a 4yr old and 19 month old twins! i loose my mind 1 once a day and i always worry that i am not giving them enough. i think i feel like this more because i gave my oldest soooo much of me. She had a great 2yrs and 10mos b4 the twins came. She never complains or is jealous toward them. in fact she does soo much for them/with them. however i feel bad i cant give everyone of them what i would like with the attitude i would like. i have 3 girls too! Do you have family or close friends to help you? i have no one because my family and in laws live outta state.. you mentioned something about finding time to start dinner. i usually make dinner while the twins nap. i put them down around 330pm and around 430 i start. my 4yr old entertains herself close by to what ever i may be doing. i hope that helps any

Noell - posted on 03/06/2010

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So the book I mentioned has some general ideas of what you can add to your routine. Here are a few but I would highly recommend either buying the book or checking it out from the local library.
~Roomtime (child plays quietly by him/herself)
~Free playtime
~Structured playtime
~Structured playtime with siblings
~Playtime with mommy
~Playtime with friends
~Video time
~Family time
~Dad's time
~Couch time
~Bath time
Of course you have to take it on an individual basis especially when you had a child in preschool/school or when you have activities planned outside of the home (storytimes, dance classes, swimming, etc.). I found the ideas in the book helped me when we have days that we don't have anything planned outside of the house and/or when the weather is too bad to go outside.

Shirley - posted on 03/06/2010

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Although mine are now 16 (baby girl), 17 (youngest son),19( 2nd oldest son), 20( first born).
just the opposite,3 boys and a girl.I feared all the same things you are. At times I think I had lost my mind. but then there was that 1 minute of silence, that single rare moment when they are all content at once,smiles and clean diapers all around. It all falls into place.It really will be o.k. Kids feed off eachothers love as well as thier parents.take one moment at a time, and cherish them with everthing you've got because the time slips by so rapidly. those little precious moments get lost in all the chaos, thats what you'll look back and regret ,if you don't take the time to enjoy it. no-one ever complaines about pizza for dinner, instead of spending 2 hrs in the kitchen. the laundry and dishes will be there lator. take people up on thier help if it will give you just even 10 precious minutes .But don't forget about you! If you're not happy and healthy, neither will the kids.take care of yourself , inside and out. candlelit bath, a new pair of pajama's,and breath!

Judy - posted on 03/06/2010

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If you worry then you are a good mom. But relax. I have 7 (15, 13, 11, 8, 4, 2, 1). The best gift you can give them is being relaxed and happy. A stressed out mom creates stressed out kids that are whiny, clingy and unhappy. Organize yourself the best possible. Choose your battles...don't waste time on the little things. When all hell is breaking loose (rest assured there will be those days!) have a sense of humor and know that tomorrow will be different. Let them learn to play together and entertain themselves....you are mom not entertainment director.

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I also have three daughters, ages 6, 5 and 2. And I feel the exact same way. It's hard. My oldest is in school all day, so I feel like I never get to see her. My 5 year old is in a.m. pre-k, so that allows me a little bit of quality time with my two year old. And when my two year old takes a nap I try to spend some time with my 5 year old. But there is still laundry to be done, dishes to be washed and endless other chores. Not to mention errands and the daily little surprises that come along. I feel like there just isn't enough time for anyone or anything. And somehow I have to give my husband quality time too. On the extremely rare occasion that I have time to myself I don't know what to do. But I absolutely love my family! And I keep pushing on. So, no Christina, you are not alone :-)

Christina - posted on 03/05/2010

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thank you all for your comments! some encouraging and helpful posts! Noell - I have to say that I'm sure a big part of my problem is lack of routine.....the girls and I have just always gone hour by hour not knowing what we're going to do next and I'm sure that doesn't help my situation....I should really sit down and write out a daily routine for us to follow, hhmmmm now, what should that routine be? lol

Noell - posted on 03/05/2010

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I'm in the same boat! I have a 3 year old girl, 21 month old boy and a 3 month old girl and I really feel like I'm losing my mind pretty much all day everyday! I've been skimming the book On Becoming Preschool Wise (the author of Babywise, Toddlerwise, etc.) and I really feel like our "problem" is lack of a clear routine. I know this is a problem when my 3-year-old is constantly asking me what we're doing the next day...because now she really has no idea, when a year ago we had a very concise routine. I think this really throws her off and is part of why she's acting out so much (not to mention the new baby as well).
Sounds like the others moms that posted here have some great ideas!
I keep reminding myself that things will get better....right?

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My third is due this Sept. By then my daughter will be 5 and in kindergarten, my son will be 8 and is school as well. I'm thinking it will be nice to have mornings with the new baby. My children are so excited and I'm sure will love to help out and such. Having all 3 at home, like you with your oldest 4. That will be a lot of work, but I'm sure you can do it. Just figure out routines and maybe somewhat of a schedule.

And to Ellen. I am a middle child and don't worry about your daughter being left out. I learned that I could either hang out with the big kids (older sister and brother) and do things with them, or switch and hang out with the little kids (2 brothers) and be the one in charge. She'll be fine.

Marinda - posted on 03/05/2010

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Hi Christina, my name is Marinda. I have a boy age 3 and a half, a girl aged 2 and another baby girl almost 10 mnths of age. I know that feeling of loosing your mind all to well! And struggles through these questions myself. A few days back it felt that I didn't have the strenght to carry on. I sat on my bed pouring my heart out before God and Ps. 73 came to my mind, when I opened my Bible and read the words I was filled with joy and peace. What I know is that God entrusted me with these little ones and I am taking one day at a time and doing what I can. Remember we are only human, but to your 3 little ones your their angel!! Good luck

Jane - posted on 03/04/2010

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Absolutely! I have triplets who are 6 and a little two-year old. I don't worry about them being bored but I do worry that they are not being provided with the best learning opportunities always. One of my sisters offered me some words of comfort when I was stressed about not being "enough" for three babies when the triplets were small. She pointed out that my children will always have each other -- something that only children or even children further apart in age will never experience. It doesn't seem to benefit them much as infants, but the benefits have become more apparent with each stage as they have grown and I expect that trend to continue. Yours are not all the same age, but are close enough in age that I would expect the same kind of benefits for your children. Hang in there! Also, remember, it is GOOD and HEALTHY for children to have unstructured playtime and to learn to entertain themselves as well.

Ellen - posted on 03/04/2010

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I'm there with you Christina, I have 3 under 3 and worry about my kids also. My youngest is 6 weeks old, so I'm just trying to get the hang of it. I think I'm almost there, but I know something will come up and I'll have to adjust again. My biggest worry is with my middle child, I don't want her to feel left out. I've changed my attitude about this and have decided to make sure that I spend time every day focused on my kids as individuals. This may be just for 30 seconds a bunch of times during the day or for longer depending on what's going on in the house. For example, my oldest wakes up before the other two, so I sit with her and sing songs, read books, make cupcakes or some other activity. My oldest is also very good at entertaining herself, so I will set up her table with some sort of activity that I know will occupy her for atleast 10 minutes and then my middle child has her turn of singing, reading or whatever activity. My youngest is of course the easiest, since I'm breastfeeding her:). So hang in there mom, get your kids to help you out, and set the best schedule that you can. You're doing great!!!!

Lorie - posted on 03/04/2010

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Yes Iam in the same boat as you.

I have 3 boys 4, 19 months and almost 9 weeks. I also have two DC kids that are 1 and 2.

Its sooo busy and I feel the same way. Am I giving enough attention to each child. Sometime I wish I could spilt myself down the middle so I could do more. I also think my children think I have more then two hands. I know how you feel. your not alone on that one

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