Money for a Living $$$$

Joan - posted on 02/17/2015 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Single moms seem to be getting very nice payouts from their babies daddies. If I were to find a man and get pregnant from a one night stand at a bar, could I collect child support even if I do this on purpose? What stands in my way? I would like to be a stay-at-home mom once this happens. How can I get this future baby daddy to own up to his responsibility? Can I make sure my baby doesn't have to meet him but I can get the cash? Also, how much have you ladies made off a man, what can I expect?

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Jodi - posted on 02/20/2015

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I'm glad to see you think it is that simple to just get rich. Go for it.

My ex pays $30 a month for our teenage son. That's all I've had for years, and his dad and I were MARRIED for 7 years. So lady, if you think it's all sunshine and rainbows, good luck to you. Going out and doing this on purpose is a crazy notion. Many single mothers get very little child support for their child, certainly not enough to cover all the costs of raising their baby. And FORGET about getting half of the childcare costs just so you can get back into the workforce so you CAN eat a meal every day and pay for a roof over your head.

So Joan, are you actually a father trolling this site because you are forced to pay child support and you think your ex isn't spending the money on your kid?

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Jodi - posted on 02/24/2015

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"Most women who have custody do use the children against the father. They think they can dictate the visits even if there's a court order."

Actually "most" women don't. A minority of women make it difficult for fathers. Brittney, if your fiance is experiencing that, he needs to balls up and file for contempt. If it is court ordered, she had no right and there are remedies to that.

As I said earlier, some women are total bitches over it. But saying that most women who have custody use their children against their father is the same as saying most fathers are deadbeat dads. And we all know that isn't true.

Brittney - posted on 02/24/2015

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Most women who have custody do use the children against the father. They think they can dictate the visits even if there's a court order. The women my fiance and I are dealing with, she gets mad over random stuff and if she is mad at us then she says no visitation. If it's a holiday. No visitation. Even if the court order says he is to have it. My fiance was to have his son for half of Christmas. She didn't like that. Last minute she says "you can have him from Christmas eve until 7am Christmas day." Well we kept him the full time he was supposed to. She was so mad by this that she would not even allow us near the child for an entire month after that. She had her bf key our car over this. My fiance lost his job due to the car breaking down and we had no way for him to get to work. He still did what he could to find work and to make sure his son had food and clothes and a roof over his head. However he fell about 2 months behind on support. Well now she's trying to have him arrested over it. Even though she said she wouldn't do this. She is even taking him to court over it. The majority of women I know are money hungry and do this stuff. It's sad. Now you get arrested for being poor basically.

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2015

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I have 3 children, my 2 oldest ones from my first marriage and I have been doing 50/50 shared care with them for 10 years. We also don't pay child support and we pay for what the children need when they are with us. We also go halves in school fees and other big expenses but I buy the school uniforms for my place and he buys them for his.
I have since remarried and have had my 3rd with him. As a family we support all the children and my current husband even supported the boys when I was off work with #3.
I hate women who think they can dictate the terms of visitation just because they are being spiteful.

Jodi - posted on 02/24/2015

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"Unfortunately there is a very large majority of women who play the marriage and divorce systems going into it very "me" focused and want loads of alimony and child support while positioning fathers to get less time in visitation because it will negatively impact their bottom line."

I completely disagree with this statement. The MAJORITY of women don't do this at all. Perhaps a minority do, but certainly not the majority.

I will add that alimony is not particularly common in most parts of the world.

"When you give birth to a child, you are accepting the fact that you may one day need to completely support that child."

No, that's not true. No single parent should be expected to support the child 100%. BOTH parents, whether custodial, non-custodial, whichever, need to accept that they should both be responsible financially for raising the child, regardless of whether they see the child or not. There are many non-custodial parents out there who will completely abandon their child but still should be help accountable for a proportion of the financial burden that child places not only on the other parent, but society as a whole. Without both parents contributing, it then becomes a burden on society and welfare. It isn't anyone else's responsibility to raise the children you brought into the world - but if you impregnated a women, then you are both responsible.

"Child support is 100% welfare. It is given to a parent that cannot support their children financially, as deemed by a court."

Wrong. BOTH parents have an obligation. So it isn't welfare, it is for the benefit of the child. It isn't actually the mother's money.

I am actually in disagreement that in any circumstance only one parent should be supporting the child. But let's say a mother remarries and decides not to get a job, then her spouse is contributing to the welfare of the child by putting a roof over their head, paying the power, gas, utilities, fuel and so on. It costs extra for these things when you have children. It's not just about what is spent on clothes, toys, school, shoes, and all the direct expenses. There are many indirect ones too. I recall my ex at one point in time before he decided to play the system had to pay me $300 a month. He started demanding to see how I spent it. Are you KIDDING me? $300 a month doesn't even BEGIN to cover the additional costs of raising a child. He had no idea how much it costs to raise a child - my childcare alone (so that I could work to support us) was almost this amount. Even if you considered he should be responsible for only 50% (which is my position on raising children - each parent should contribute 50% of the cost in some way or another), it barely scraped the surface.

"Most men in consenting situations to have a child ..... are not deadbeats. It is women that needs reform."

Most women in consenting situations are also not money hungry leeches. It is just unfortunate that you clearly have experience of such.

I want to add, I am actually on both sides of this argument, as my current husband has also had to pay child support for his children for the last 20 years (we have been together for 13 of those). I accept that willingly, and have never considered them money grabbing. It is his responsibility as a father to contribute to the expenses in their household with their mother. He didn't have 50/50 time because distance was a factor. As was his work commitments.

I think you also fail to understand how very difficult it is when you have a young child, or even early school age, and you are primary custodian, to have a job that pays enough to be worthwhile. How do you get a job where you can be flexible enough to be available when your child is sick (this happens a lot when your child is young), where you can leave work at a moment's notice because your child has chicken pox, and tell them you can't come in for a week? It's incredibly difficult. I have been very lucky - I have always had jobs that are flexible, and I could take my work home if needed. I am a teacher now and I get 18 days a year personal leave if I need it at any time. That's a lot. But that's not the norm. Just food for thought from a parent to one who clearly has not experienced these complications.

Joan - posted on 02/23/2015

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"Child support is not welfare. The money that is taken from the parent that is expected to pay it is not getting welfare either. Its money the courts deem necessary to help the parent who has physical custody to meet the expenses of raising a kid."

Child support is 100% welfare. It is given to a parent that cannot support their children financially, as deemed by a court. Demanding money from one person to give to another is not constitutional. It is an idea created back in the times of true stay-at-home mothers, before women could work and make a wage, to ensure that the state did not have to provide them with tax payer welfare. It is a way for states to ensure that they do not have to pay for children of incapable mothers with taxpayer money, that is why the issue has not moved- it is convenient for the state the way that it is. That is factual based on state comps, positions, incentives etc.

Child support is welfare. I have planned my life in such a way that should my husband die, leave me, or any other scenario, I have money for me, my children and their college. If we divorced I would not want his money. I am proud of being a person who provides for herself and for her children. But that is me. I have never collected unemployment, welfare of any kind, etc because I have pride in myself.

There is no other way to look at it. If you can afford to raise your children, and are not looking to control the father with them, and the father genuinely sees a role for himself in the children's lives- not just to act as an ATM for mom- then money should be easy to negotiate. Father do leave- like in my brother's case whose college girlfriend got pregnant on purpose to trap him. He took a job in another state for a large raise and flies out to see his children while paying as if he had no custody at all. He is the one saving for college for them while mom who acts like a great person to everyone's face is spending their child support on her credit card debt, boyfriends, and other things that do not directly impact their future.

I know how you see it is traditional and it is convenient to paint men as a deadbeat, but that's not what public opinion or the truth is anymore. Women have demanded equal rights and equal pay. They need to prove they are actual equal adults or they will be seen as dependents of men, the welfare state and not equals.

This is all based on stats and research. Do a little digging. Most men in consenting situations to have a child (not pressure or "accidents (it's 2015 and we have rights to our bodies and birth control, "accidents" are suspect by even other women) are not deadbeats. It is women that needs reform. I'm preaching to what I would do, will do and am already to my children. I cannot respect welfare moms who demand child support to support their lifestyle at the disadvantage of men and their children.

Joan - posted on 02/23/2015

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I agree with what you are saying in all of those scenarios. Unfortunately there is a very large majority of women who play the marriage and divorce systems going into it very "me" focused and want loads of alimony and child support while positioning fathers to get less time in visitation because it will negatively impact their bottom line.

Until both parents are allowed to make free choices on how much time they want, and are granted that (with the exception of convicted abusers) people will continue to look at the single mother as a selfish system player who is money focused. It is like with any group that demands welfare from our society (which is what child support is). If the group as a whole does not reflect integrity, the image will continue to escalate in a negative way.

All parents should be able to have 50/50 custody and money should not exchange hands over children. We are all adults. If you cannot afford to completely raise a child, don't have one. Just the same for men- there are just not too many cases like yours- so in today's modern view, the mothers are the problem and that problem will be resolved as fathers will either get respect from the courts or we will see more women wanting husbands and children and more men not wanting the risk.

Just facts

Sorry about your experience. Your ex was not a good person to you, your children or really himself since he put his children in the position to be used like that. It's time for family courts to come into modern times and see both parents as useful and both parents needing to provide fully (not one parent demanding money because they cannot make any). This is the US. Anyone can get a job if they have a work ethic. That's a fact.

You are a good woman in a sea of entitled mothers. Just read through these message boards. It's unfortunately the truth, but you are not the norm but an exception.

Step up women. If you want equal pay and rights, act like adults.

Joan - posted on 02/23/2015

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Until women naturally offer men 50/50 custody and do not demand child support, this is what they come off as.

I am a woman, not an angry man.

And I did write this to make a point.

When you give birth to a child, you are accepting the fact that you may one day need to completely support that child. It is embarrassing these days how fellow women whine and manipulate the court system. It makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

I am a working mother who's brother and father have both been targets of childish women who wanted the dream and perfect pictures of motherhood, then lashed out in expectation when it actually became their time to provide on any level.

If single mothers want to stop the growing public distaste of them, they need to stop perpetuating the perception that they trap men, make bad decisions, alienate and are only after money.

Thank you for your attention ladies! Continue googling ways to further scam your baby daddies.

xo
Joan :)

Andrea - posted on 02/22/2015

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You're an idiot, woman. My ex pays me 0-$30/ month when he is ordered by the court to pay me almost $1500 for 2 kids. The justice system is so slow that we have been battling about costs for 2 years and the courts have still done nothing. I was a single mom... And from the sounds of it, you don't have the brains or anywhere near what it takes to handle being a single mom. I'm sorry but I hope you are baren and can't have children.

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2015

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I'm not angry at all. I'm also not poor, I have a great life.
Trolls like you are entertaining though, that's why I haven't closed this down. You have given me a laugh, thanks.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2015

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LOL, no-one here is angry. We are, however, amused at why people bother to troll here.

Joan - posted on 02/21/2015

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You girls are angry because you have to support the children you made so you are on this website! Raising kids is not even hard, you are just making it hard on yourself to feel relevant in life. I will find my baby daddy and birth a baby and he will pay for me! Stop feeling sorry for yourselves that you are poor.

Joan - posted on 02/21/2015

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You guys are trolls! I am going to get my baby daddy money and no one will stop me!

Brittney - posted on 02/21/2015

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This person is a troll. Go read the comments they've made on other people's stuff. It's probably a father that is angry he has to support the child he made.

Brittney - posted on 02/21/2015

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That's not at all how it works. If the guy can't pay then they lower his support so he can afford to pay it. Judges won't put someone in jail for missing a couple payments either. And you don't get half a man's paycheck ignorant idiot. My fiancee made 3000 a month and only was made to pay 350 a month. The guy has to have enough to live too. I can see you only care about yourself.

Brittney - posted on 02/21/2015

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oh and theyes go by the man income. They don't make him pay more than he can afford. If you get married and have a kid with the man, then that man legally has joint physical and legal custody so if there's a divorce, he automatically gets 50/50. Judges don't favor women anymore because of bitchy where's like you.

Brittney - posted on 02/21/2015

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You're not idiot. You have no say in when the father sees his kid. My fiancee just won custody of his son without a lawyerror and that was because mom tried denying visitation so much. And now she is in trouble for not paying support. There is no way to get child support without going through the court. And as soon as you do that, the judge has to put the guys name on the birth certificate. That's the law. No way around that. And when he does that he gives you a visitation schedule to follow. He doesn't ask what schedule you want. He does what he thinks is best. And if you don't follow you get in trouble. Don't matter if you're the mom. Now go troll somewhere else you worthless pos

Michelle - posted on 02/21/2015

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Joan: Go and troll somewhere else.
You don't have babies to get rich, they cost a fortune to raise and even in America most don't pay let alone the amount you are stating.
You should only have children because you want them and if you do end up having them I hope the Father goes to court to take them away from you so YOU have to pay child support. Wouldn't that put an interesting twist to your plans?

Joan - posted on 02/20/2015

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Jodi, here in AMERICA men pay a MINIMUM of $300 a month but really women expect a cash out of like $2000 every month. If guys do not pay then it's jail jail and more jail. They come getcha!! Love it. It's like owning a business and the police yell at your employees for you. I mean that's pretty cool. So anyway yes the money will be for this dad to SUPPORT the baby we will have and I will chip in if possible or if I have another baby I can use that money or marry another guy I'll have double the ca$h. So I'm like ladies with jobs are stupid. Get that green American dollar the old fashioned way. Then I can also make friends with moms on this message board Bc I'll have kids like them and we can share tips on kids and doing the hardest job in the world being a CEO of my baby dollar company. See?

Jodi - posted on 02/20/2015

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No, in the country I live in, that's how it is calculated when on a very low income (less than $20k a year), as they take an amount into account for self support as well, and he has chosen to dodge the system as much as possible since my son was about 10. I gave up bothering about it many years ago. It really doesn't matter who I married, as my story is beyond anything relevant to this post.

It isn't my money to deserve anyway. It is my SON who deserved to be supported by both parents. But at least he had a mother who supported him well.

Half a monthly paycheck seems over the top - is there anywhere you actually get that? I think you may well be misinformed about that. You seem to be delusional about child support making you rich - I can tell you've never had to raise a child before.

Joan - posted on 02/20/2015

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Jodi. If there is a way for you to get YOUR fare share That YOU DESERVE I hope you get more than $30. Since i assume that's half of his monthly paycheck I'm scared he makes $60 a month! Who did you marry? Bless your heart.

Jodi - posted on 02/20/2015

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LOL, I'm not angry. I earn a decent living myself and have a wonderful husband and family now that I am quite able to help support myself. But you seem to be angry about something. I feel sorry for you. And I feel sorry for any kids you have or may have in the future.

Joan - posted on 02/20/2015

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Jodi you are just mad because you married a poor guy. I mean getting $30 a month. What was even the point? You could be making a LOT more. So I can see why you are an angry person that's not even minimum wage.

Maybe next time you will have a baby with a richer man like some of these other moms and get SMART about it. If you are doing the HARDEST job in this WORLD, you deserve a man you can hold ACCOUNTABLE! So listen to my words of wisdom: if you didn't have your uterus removed yet, there may be a guy out there that can get you the money you want. DO NOT give up. You will get your payday! And me too! Whoo whoo! Gotcha suckers! Moms forever!

Joan - posted on 02/20/2015

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Brittney. Why would a man ever win in court. I will be my baby's MOTHER. That is a sacred bond. Women did not work for centuries and it's very normal to be a stay at home mom. It is the HARDEST JOB ON THIS PLANET. If I want top wage for that hard job, I deserve it. As much as $10K a month is my plan. He will see the baby if I say so, it's my baby and he is just a sperm donor but he will pay the money no matter what because I am going to be the mom. So what can stand in my way? Every judge will agree with me because I'm the stay at home mom.

Do you know any guys that make enough money for me to at least get $4000 a month for one kid. I will go as low as maybe $2000, but that would really put pressure for me and the baby, so $4000 will make sure he gets as good of a lifestyle as his dad.

So do you know anyone?

Brittney - posted on 02/20/2015

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You cannot get child support from someone and then not let them see their child. The child will one day find out what you did and resent you deeply and possibly choose their father over you. Also, when you have a child you have to go through court to get child support. As soon as they order him to pay, they will order him to have visitation. if they order him to have visits then you can't deny those visits. It's illegal. If the kid is sick, you still can't deny visits. If the man can't pay support then you still can't deny visits. Sure the police can't force you to hand the baby over to the dad. But they will make a report of the incident. Then that report can be used in court when the man takes you to court over denying visitation. And when you deny visits you are in contempt of court and risk jail time. you also risk losing custody. Men are getting custody more and more now days. If he gets custody then you'll be paying support you lazy where bitch.

Joan - posted on 02/18/2015

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Michelle, you are not listening to the moms on this site. If I get pregnant, I can demand responsibility of this guy ($$$) and me and my kid will deserve it! Whoo hoo! I'm rich! Gotcha sucker!! Get it? It's so easy. Instead of judging the entrepreneur, try it too! Millions of women are and the government will even collect for you and let you be a victim too! Hehe win win (casino noises)

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