mother in law problem

Emily - posted on 03/09/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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my boyfriends mother is moving back to california from oklahoma. let me give a little back ground on her. she is lazy and is addicted to prescription and non prescription drugs and drinks heavy. she has called me names that you wouldnt believe and totally disrespects me and my home everytime she comes by. i have two girls and she has only meet my oldest. she wants to spend time with my girls and maybe even live in my house, and i dont want her to and my boyfriends says that he doesnt want her to either, but from past experiences every time she comes around he always changes his mined and becomes spineless. she has even threaned to take my kids away from me. she is completely homeless at the moment. i just dont know what to do about her or the situation. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you for listening

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Heather - posted on 03/15/2010

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You deffinately need to do what is best for your girls FIRST! and if she is disrespectful to you in your home then she probably doesnt need to have any QT with your kids. I kinda of understand your b/f's point of view, b/c that is his mother and he has asoft spot for her...but that still don't mean that you have to do everything for her, she is a grown woman, help her look for a job and aplace to stay and if she donnt like it then she can find somewhere else. It's not your responsibility to care for her. I know its a little cold, but you are here for you and your kids, if your b/f has a problem with that and ESPECIALLY if he doesnt stick up for you then you deserve someone who will...hope it helped, just do what is best for your family! OH AND TELL HER THAT IF SHE WANTS TO STAY WITH YOU THEN SHE MUST FLUSH ALL HER "GOODIES" EVEN IF SHE DONT WANT TOO, ITS UR HOUSE, UR RULES, YOUR KIDS DONT NEED TO BE AROUND A PILL-POPPIN ALCOHOLIC.

Dori - posted on 03/11/2010

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fact of the matter is.... your children are first, if the boyfriend is in understanding that it isn't the role model you want your children to be around, then it's simple, hands down, your house, your rules... I didn't let my children stay with my parents when they were alcoholics, it's a choice, they are old enough to know that if it isn't healthy for the kids to be around then don't be a part of their lives, simple. But keep in mind, always have a back up plan, communicate with your boyfriend, that is the biggest and most important that you are on the same page.... I know it's hard to go against family, and it will hurt but if that's what it takes for them to get help to see their grandchildren, then do it.... they will thank you one day...

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Why would you want someone how does drugs, drinks, treats you bad and hasn't even met one of your children to come live with you??? Not making sense to me. I would NEVER let someone I know who has access to drugs into my home with my young children! It only takes a sec for "something" to go into their mouth. If your boyfriend is spineless, you need to have double the spine for both of you. Say no, everyday or everytime you can. He will get the point. If all else fails and he lets her in, move out! Who's house is it? Yours? or His? If she won't leave call the police.....
Why feel uncomfortable in your own home?
Another thing, you don't need to find a place for her to live, she is an adult and can do it herself. She has made a lifetime of choices, she needs to be responsible for her own actions.

Erica - posted on 03/10/2010

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I am in sort of the same situation. My husbands family hates me. They do not think that I am good enough for him. they accepted me just because I have a kid with their bloodline in her. My husbands mom however is nothing but a druggy and alcoholic. She loves my kid to death but hates me. She and I have had some words before and my husband didnt like it but when it comes to my child i dont care who likes what, Its my kid and its what i say goes. If you dont like it then leave. My mother in law thinks it is ok to drink hard liquor and watch a 1 year old/ I dont think so! My advice would be to be straight up front with her. She is to do things your way or leave. Bottom Line! If your husband loves you, he will back you up.

Theresa - posted on 03/09/2010

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If she uses drugs, DO NOT let her move into your house. Having drugs in the house number one is dangerous for your gilrs. It s too easy for them to accidently ingest some and OD. Second drugs in the house can be a reason for Social Services to take your kids. It's not worth either risk. If your boyfriend is willing to put the kids at risk forhis mom than he has no business being a parent and maybe he should go find his own place with mom. I personally wouldn't even let her around the kids if she's using. But that is your choice. Letting her move in would be a huge mistake.

Zatonda - posted on 03/09/2010

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you need to go to social service and ask them where to get application for housing, you need to have some type of plan for her before you allow her to move in. I really don't deal with my mother in law unless it is under my terms. It's your job to set the rules to your home. Treat her as a boarder. I would also look with rehab programs for her in the area, her lifestyle is not healthy for your children, learned behaviors start at home.

Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

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Stand up for yourself and your children, do what makes you happy. AND be completely honest with your boyfriend, make sure he understands where you're coming from.

Eileen - posted on 03/09/2010

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THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY TOUGH SITUATION! THE ONLY ADVICE I THINK I CAN OFFER IS FOR YOU TO DO WHAT MAKE YOU AND UR DAUGHTERS THE MOST COMFORTABLE! IF SHE'S THE KIND OF PERSON UR TALKIN ABOUT ,I REALLY WOULDN'T WANT THAT TYPE OF PERSON AROUND MY CHILDREN,BUT IF U THINK U AND UR FAMILY CAN THRIVE AND LEARN FROM THIS EXPERENCE AND HELP SOMEONE IN NEED THEN THATS ALL UP TO YOU. BUT REMEMBER IT'S YOUR'S AND YOUR CHILDREN'S HOUSE AND YOU (AS A MOM)HAVE TO DO WHATS BEST FOR THEM! GOOD LUCK,AND GOD BLESS

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