mother in law (to be) advice. Ugh!

Jaymie - posted on 03/07/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




Long story short my fiancés mom and dad who are both retired are missing out on our first child's life (10 months old) being that our child is her 3rd grandchild she favors my fiance's brothers kids because she feels sorry for their situation as their mom decided at 43 years old it was a good idea to go back to school full time that's an hour away and become a CRNA. She hardly see her kids (a daughter 2 years old and son that is 6 years old) and they are trying to cut so many costs she doesn't even buy her daughter clothes and gives her hand me downs from her sons that no longer fit him and he gets new clothes. What hurts both of our feelings is my fiance's mom watches the kids for weeks at a time every month in which is all well and good but she can't spend time with us and our daughter while she's got those 2 because they need all of their attention as they behave awfully and are such insecure kids. She knows how it makes us feel when this happens (we have told her ) and feels guilty and will try buttering us up with nice comments on FB or text messages. She also is aware of the fact that it's not even right for parents to be away so much from their kids for weeks on end every month. When this happens my fiancé gets in a bad mood bc it hurts. He feels that the time is unfair and that there is nothing we can do about it as we have tried telling her about our concerns with no Change in the matter. Any advice on this? I mean it's so hard to always have to be okay with this situation but I'm tired of it. She plays favorites because she feels bad for the kids that are obviously constantly being neglected l and staying between grandparents. This has been going on long before our daughter was born but was always hoping things would be different when our daughter was here but not even in the slightest. Also mother in law hides the fact she's not watching fiancés brothers kids by not telling us she has them and posting anything about it on FB. But we usually end up finding out by accident by other family members and kinda know what's going on after not hearing from either of his mom or dad for a week.
Any positive advice would be great because it's hard to continue to watch how hurt my fiancé gets and then it triggers the fire in me because we (daughter included) did nothing to deserve such unfairness.


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Michelle - posted on 03/07/2016




To be honest, it's up to your MIL to say no. If she doesn't then there's nothing you can do. Don't make her feel guilty by telling her she doesn't spend as much time with you, that's just selfish on your part.
Your SIL won't be studying forever so why don't you just accept how others are living their life. Yes, it's their life, not yours. Make the most of the time that your MIL can spend with you instead of wanting more. Be grateful that they are in the same country. My kids only have 1 Grandparent that lives in the same country, all the others are at least 30+ hours flying away. My 6yo has only met her Grandfather on her Dad's side once and will probably never see him again.

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