Mother Issues.

Ann - posted on 10/27/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am absolutely furious with my mother. We had recently moved our children into the same room because are expecting another and want them to get comfortable sleeping & playing in the same room. So far have been sharing a room for a month now almost, have had a few hiccups with one keeping the other up but it's normal, there doing so much better now with settling down. We got our daughters (2&3) twin size beds because they were outgrowing the toddler beds and they are slowly falling apart anyways. My sister-in-law got new beds for her girls and gave us her old ones that turn into a bunk bed. When they are both on the floor, and with the furniture in there room there is absolutely no space to do anything i can stand feet width apart and both legs be touching the beds. And with their dressers in there too there's enough space to walk to their beds and just open the drawers to their dressers and that's it. So we put the bunk beds together. There not that high at all and we have our 3 year old on top and 2 year old on the bottom, obviously. They've been in the bunk bed for a week now and are amazing, no one has hurt themselves, there's space to access everything in there room and they sleep pretty good in the beds.

My mother called me today and said she doesn't trust the bunk beds. That I am being a horrible mother because I am apparently not taking into account the safety and well being of our children and that they shouldn't be in the bunk beds, or even twin beds yet, that they shouldn't be placed near the window, and that if one of them get's hurt I am at fault, and that she said if she hears one of them hurting themselves while using that bed, she's going to call child's aid on us because in her opinion we're being selfish and stupid and don't care about the safety of our children/her grand-kids. What the hell is her problem?!

We obviously don't have the space when there side by side and even when they are down, there still beside the window cause there's no where else to put the damn beds and there furniture in the first place. And we agreed on the first night, if they didn't like the beds the way they were and our 3yr old couldn't use the ladder properly or we had other implications we would take them down and try and make things work till we can figure out another way.

I don't know what to think right now. I'm angry, upset, sad, and just at a loss to have my mother threaten my family like that. What do I do now?

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Chet - posted on 10/27/2014

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The official word on bunk beds is that they are not suitable for kids under six. Your mom's delivery was pretty awful, but her concerns aren't unreasonable considering 2 and 3 are both quite far from 6.

Right now, I would seriously consider a trundle bed set up where one child is in a twin bed and the other child sleeps on a mattress that slides under the twin bed during the day. You could do something like this with just the mattress from the second bed if it will fit under the first bed:

http://thebedworksofmaine.com/images/pro...

Alternatively, IKEA sells junior beds that are as narrow as a crib mattress, but longer (though not as long as a twin either). They're suitable for kids up to 7 or 8 no problem.

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/produc...

Or honestly, you could just buy the smaller IKEA mattresses, put them on the floor at bedtime, and pick them up during the day so the kids can have the whole room to play in. They're just foam so they're easy to move around and poke out of the way.

We have a set of bunk bed, and they are actually higher then bunk beds normally are to give the kid on the bottom bunk more space... but we opted for stairs rather than a ladder, and our girls were 9 and 7.5 before they started using them. I actually felt better about having a higher top bunk because it's high enough to make scaling the side and jumped down difficult. Prior to that though, we had kids in junior beds and on the floor with just a mattress.

Anyway, they are your kids, and it's your choice. There's no law against using bunk beds with preschoolers. The under 6 thing is a guideline based on injury rates, but you know your own kids and are in the best position to figure out what is best for your particular family.

It's a long story, but we actually didn't use baby gates with two of our kids... that's not the standard recommendation when you live in a house with stairs, but it was the best option in our particular situation.

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