Mother's Day - For all moms?

Stacey - posted on 05/07/2012 ( 33 moms have responded )

23

31

2

I was hoping to get some input on how you all felt about Mother's Day. I am a mother of 2 1/2 children (due in July) and according to my mom, it's not "my" day until she's gone. Until then, the day is hers.
What do you all think about this?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Medic - posted on 05/07/2012

3,922

19

552

That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. My first mothers day as a mom was like my intiation into motherhood. My stepmom got me a mom necklace and mom charms for my charm collection, took me out for a spa day and the whole nine yards. When my second came she did the same...she said that was the intro into crazy. Your mom is just being selfish and trying to still be the important one. Now that we have kids my parents are celebrated more by grandparents day, granted we still get them mother and fathers day cards and a little something but they relish in grandparents day.

Bernadette - posted on 05/08/2012

623

5

8

if you are a mother, then of course it's your day! But remember it's also a day for you to celebrate your mum. I had a bit of a fall-out with my mum last year, because she got very upset that I wasn't planning on coming around until the afternoon as my husband had planned on making brunch with my daughter, for me. I knew something was wrong, because she wouldn't talk to me but kept shutting down and saying nothing was wrong whenever I asked. She did the same thing the previous year on Mother's day, so I had a pretty good idea of what it was. Anyway, she eventually apologised, saying that she came to realise that it was also my day, as it was a chance for my children to do something for me, and said she was sorry if she had ruined it for me (which to me, it felt like she had as I just felt guilty about wanting to allow my own family to do something for me, so I couldn't really enjoy it). In the end, my husband and daughter made breakfast for me instead, and we got to my mum's place in time to go out for lunch. Much as I was mad at her then, she told me about a friend of hers (who also has a daughter my age, with a kid, as well as a daughter-in-law with kids) and how they spent mothers day all together, and all celebrated being mums together. My mum felt a little jealous about it, and now I can see it her way too. She is still my mum, and has been such a huge support and I owe it to her to honour her on mothers day. My kids are still little (3 and 1) so it doesn't mean much to them. Last year I was kind of thinking more about my husband, who I know can be a little resentful of the amount of time I spend with my family, when his live in a different town. He doesn't really like that we spend special occasions with them so often, because he wants to do things as a family (which is a bit of a joke, since he rarely bothers to spend time with us anyway) on our own. Then I realised, hang on - it's mother's day. Nothing to do with him at all. It is a chance for me to honour MY mum, not for him to pretend he wants to spend time with me. It's not husband's day, or wife's day - therefore the day really isn't about him at all. So I think my mum was right last year - why can't we spend it together, and celebrate being mums together, since it's now a common bond that we have? Just a shame none of my other sisters, who are also mothers, live here to celebrate it with us too.



So while I don't agree with your mum about it being "her" day, and not "yours" until she's gone, I do think that it is a day for both of you, and why not spend it together?

Amanda - posted on 05/07/2012

245

2

21

We do mommy's day but also grandma's day at the same time. But you have to remember there is a Grandparents day! So now that day is for her and her grandkids. Mother's day is for you and your kids and her and you.

33 Comments

View replies by

Stacey - posted on 06/08/2012

23

31

2

Thanks everyone! This year turned out okay, no drama. :) I think she's realizing that we just see things differently and it is what it is.

Melissa - posted on 05/21/2012

5

50

0

That is Bogus!!!! She's your Mom and deserves a call at the very least but she should understand if the kids were too loud or your day was so busy that you were unable to make that call. But call her the next day when things sebtle down! Your a Mom too, there fore you are to be cellebrated! Did you cellebrate Mothers day when you were a child for her? I imagine you did, put it back at her with that light! Sorry that she doesn't understand how Mothers day works! Best of luck.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/16/2012

6,435

12

72

I'd be floored if my mom ever told me this (of course my dad wished my husband happy mother's day this past Sunday and wishes me happy Father's day since I was a single mom until I got married last year) Mothers day is supposed to be for all moms. I think your mom is being a little selfish and I hope her veiws changed since this past weekend.

Erin - posted on 05/16/2012

222

20

23

My husband makes me breakfast. My boys are 2.5 years and 10 months, so they don't help yet. After breakfast, I get me time for a nice long bath or nap (probly about an hour). Then my husband stays with the kids while I go to the cemetery to visit my mom and her mom, with flowers for both. When I come home, he has attempted to get the boys ready and we head over to his parents house with a gift for his mom, this year it was a photo book with everyone in it. We have a mother's day dinner there and then head home. I don't expect cards or anything crazy. My husband does expect to be able to see his mom and I expect to see mine.

Misty - posted on 05/15/2012

4

20

0

She is shelfish it is a day where mom/I/l even spreads to all het "daughters" , one oqf wich is still wating too adopt! Do not be a fool You ARE MOther to shhe needs to rember SHARE!! You earn it every day,,

Chris - posted on 05/15/2012

5

0

1

Ho Ho! Even my childless sister gets to celebrate (in my eyes!) She has 4 fur babies!!

Stacey - posted on 05/11/2012

23

31

2

I think the problem is that my parents divorced when I was about 6. She is resentful that she didn't have her husband to do things for her with us kids. She didn't have anyone to take her to brunch or arrange special days until we were much older.
My husband is extremely thoughtful and makes the day extra special for me. Aside from my very first Mother's Day, I include her in everything.
She's just a very bitter person and it takes a lot of energy to keep her happy these days. :)

Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I knew I wasn't crazy or selfish - just wanted to see how everyone else felt.

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2012

253

5

5

What happened whilst her mother was alive? What I mean is if you didnt go spend the whole day with her mother or your fathers mother than you should use that and say no, this is not fair. My mothers day is for me, my mother sent me a mothers day card this year, as I sent her one, I wont see her and havent seen her on mothers day for 4 years. but I will call her. You are a mum now as well and you deserve the day to yourself (with at least some acknowledgement to your mum like a phone call a card and/or a present).

Bethany - posted on 05/08/2012

376

34

147

that's ridiculous. Anyone who "mothers" a child in any capacity deserves recognition. Does she resent any other mother or just you because plenty of other woment are sharing her day too. I celebrate it on Mothers day and my daughter's birthday! I'm the one that did all the work on that day, so I get recognition. We have a party for my daughter, but I get treats too, by gosh!

Katie - posted on 05/08/2012

42

0

2

Wow!! I am in shock over this!!! That is one of the craziest things I have EVER heard when it comes to Mother's Day. She should be proud to be sharing this day with her daughter... not trying to steal your joy and celebration!

Corinne - posted on 05/08/2012

1,288

14

121

Erm... you are a mum, it's called mothers day, it applies to all mums. It's not called 'oldest mum in the family day'.

Rachel - posted on 05/08/2012

12

25

0

Mother's day IS for all moms. Your mother is being a bit selfish. Perhaps now that you have children of your own, she is feeling left out? Make her feel special, and let her know that now she is a grandparent and there is a grandparents day.

Shalee - posted on 05/08/2012

3

0

0

I make it a point to do something special with just my mom on another day. Just her and I. That way I get the day with my boys and I can enjoy that time with them and not worry that she's not feeling special, etc.

Alison - posted on 05/08/2012

0

0

2

I give my mom a gift and she give one to me too on moms day. we do it to gether. if we dont have anything we call and have a chat. its about love and time together.

Stacey - posted on 05/08/2012

23

31

2

I agree!! And I always spend Mother's Day with my mom and include her in whatever we are doing, except my first Mother's Day. My husband planned to take me and my daughter to brunch and didn't include my mom and I think she felt left out. We still spent time with her in the afternoon but she definitely was upset. So we learned the following 3 years to include her with brunch and whatever we're doing afterwards.
Last year she didn't get me a card for the first time and I was hurt. It was like she was trying to prove her point to me. I know she's not my mother but I am the mother of her grandchildren and it's just as important to me to feel special.
Ahhh, such a touchy subject!!

Eva - posted on 05/08/2012

19

10

3

This year Kelly Grandparents Day is September 9, 2012. I don't know if it is in every country. It is here in Canada and in the USA, but I don't know about any other country. I would suggest looking on a calender and seeing if it is on their.

Stacey - posted on 05/08/2012

23

31

2

We actually have never celebrated Grandparent's Day. They have a day at my daughter's preschool where the Grandparents can come in and spend time with the kids but maybe it's time I start celebrating it!

Stifler's - posted on 05/07/2012

15,141

154

604

I say I'm a mum and it's mothers day so it's MY DAY with MY family. I send my mum a card. She still has my 10 year old brother at home to do stuff for her and my other 2 sisters are not mums.

Eva - posted on 05/07/2012

19

10

3

As soon as you had your first child it was your day. You were a mother and the day is for mothers. She now has Grandparent day with your children and still has mothers day with you. For her to say that you don't deserve a day for you, is selfish.
Mothers day is for all moms. Fathers day is for all fathers. Grandparents day is for all Grandparents.
Remind her that she now has Grandparents day with the chidlren and still has mothers day with you, but you now have mothers day with your children. Don't let her take that from you, it's your day and enjoy it.
I don't do any housework, and now that my boys are older I find something special to do for myself. I take the day and treat myself to me time. When the boys were younger they would make me cards, attempt to make me breakfast till I made sure to teach them how to cook. They always made a special dinner with their fathers help and even cleaned up after wards so I wouldn't have to do it the next day.

Lorena - posted on 05/07/2012

28

6

3

NO WAY!!!! Hence the word ''mother''!!! She can have Grandparents Day if she wants all the attention...meanwhile, enjoy your Mother`s Day eating out, receiving gifts, or whatever you traditionally do!!! Enjoy and Have FUN!!!! Happy Mother`s Day, Stacey!!

Kimberly - posted on 05/07/2012

785

23

317

I love my mothers day which I have only had three but I value what my husband and daughter to for me to make my day special. It has always been part of our mothers day that I get the morning usually til 11 then we always head to his mom's place and spend the rest of the day there with her( my mom lives in Canada so little far!). I would never not want to see my children on mothers day even if it was only an hour visit, so I feel if your a mother then it is your day regardless. Hope everyone has a great one!

Medic - posted on 05/07/2012

3,922

19

552

I think the way my step mom handled it shows the real meaning of mothers day. She was and still is selfless on this day. She has had over 30 years of mothers days and she knows the joy having kids brings and all the appreciation that is showed on this day. We as moms are so selfless all year and continue to do for our kids and families even on this day. It was something for me to do with my mom and she got to see the appreciation I feel towards her even though it was her doing for me. We should all want to see our children happy and not take away from the specialness of any day.

[deleted account]

I agree with the rest--Mother's Day is for ALL moms. John & I usually celebrate my Mother's Day with a brunch at home, and John & J give me a little gift to open and home-made cards. Later, we celebrate with our mothers. We have dinner and give them each a gift from us, and a gift from J. I do not expect our mothers to give me a gift or card for mother's day because I am not their mother--I think that was REALLY sweet of your step mother Medic!

Stacey - posted on 05/07/2012

23

31

2

Thanks, girls. I agree with you but she makes me feel guilty about it. My husband plans brunch for me every year and includes my mom and his mom. Last year she didn't even get me a card. I think I have the right to enjoy my day, too. This year I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and we invited our moms over for a BBQ at our house. Hope that's good enough! :)

Alison - posted on 05/07/2012

2,753

20

471

Wow. If my mom said that to me, I she would definitely not see me for Mother's Day dinner. Wow.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms