My 2 yr old son is very stubborn, i need help

Brandee - posted on 02/28/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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He doesnt listen, talks back and throws things. His dad and i have tried everything youcould think of to try and get him to listen but still no luck. Does anyone have an idea that might work?? please let me know. Im going crazy!!!

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Anesia - posted on 02/28/2010

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Tht's a 2 year old for you... the first & hardest step is to relax. Next, decide who will be the diciplinarian.
1. You have to be firm!
2. Get his attention.
3. Speak to him in short, simple sentences @ eye level. (do it quickly cause he's not going to stay focused for very long)
4. Try not to repeat too many times... they tend to zone out easily :)
5. Time out should not be pleasant & comfy! My kids stand & face the wall... any wall will do :) Also it should be very short to begin with. 1-2 mins are ideal. When you take him out of time out; and this is key, YOU have to release him from time out, tell him firmly that he was put into time out because he did blank blank & that was wrong. Then you can give the lil bugger a hug & ask him not to do it again :)
6. Expect him to do it again. He's only 2 after all. Imagine being thrown into an environment where you don't speak the language, don't know wht's acceptable from wht's not & have these 2 ppl bossing you around all the time... punishing you for just having fun.
7. Always remember to praise & compliment him for doing anything remotely nice.

I know this is extra long :) but it'll only work if it's done without fail. I went through this with my now 4 yr old son & am now going through it again with my 2 yr old daughter...
Best of luck :)

Kristin - posted on 02/28/2010

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I have a 2.5 year old and he's a handful himself. I think it is largely the age and their burgeoning independence. However, he does need rules and to know that there are consequences. We do time out, he gets 2 minutes since he's two. We also have an actual posted list of what the house rules are. Your sons father and you need to sit down and hash out where to draw the line and tell him. Some offenses deserve a warning and others do not, that is for you to decide. You will need to be able to not back down on this. It's going to be hard at first, but it does get easier. Just remember, you are his parent, not his friend, especially at this age. He is going to test you to find out where the boundaries are, you get to set and enforce them.

It also helps to provide him with lots of opportunities to burn off energy in a positive way. They love going on walks, to the park, libraries are fun, mine loves the natural history museum. They are natural explorers scientists. Some of this behaviour could be due to boredom on his part. Also, cheer, give applause, show him how excited you are when he follows the rules. That alone will really get things moving in the direction you want. They are almost wired to please you at this age. They want you to be happy with them. To them any attention is good attention, but play up the positive attention and that is what they will work harder to get.

If you do go the route of finding activities outside the home to interest him, explain t him that he needs to be on his best behaviour or you will leave immediately. There will be no warnings. Yes, the tantrums will be mortifiying. But, they will stop, especially if you do not respond to him. Obviously, none of us want to be held captive in our homes with tiny monsters, but they do learn. This will take baby steps and if you can find free activities for this part of it, you won't be out a bunch of admissions. Also, don't be afraid to use time out when you are in public. No one wants to listen to a child scream, but everyone dislikes kids who act out, are disrespectful, and don't seem to have any rules. People will appreciate that you are disciplining your child.

He will learn to behave in a better fashion, but he will still test boundaries.

Good luck, I understand your distress.

Maria - posted on 02/28/2010

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You need to set limits and hold to them, firmly. Also, give him choices: "You can come out from under the table, or I can come get you." They usually choose the independent mode. You also only need to tell him to do something one time. The more chances you give him, the more he'll be conditioned to expect a lot of leeway and tolerance for bad behavior. I tell you, he will learn to listen if you only give him one chance to correct his behavior!



If he hits, you say, "No hitting. That's a time-out." And put him in his room. The consequence for anti-social behavior is deprivation of society. Don't make it a dramatic event, because that is exciting to him. Keep level-headed in your responses to him.



Talking back is normal. But you shouldn't give in to his demands if he speaks to you, rudely. With my daughter, I tell her, for example: "Don't yell. If you want juice, say, 'Please may I have some juice?'" After a few weeks of doing this consistently, she now almost always asks nicely, because she knows she won't get what she wants by yelling at us.

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