My 5 year old is driving me INSANE!

Heather - posted on 06/13/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right category or topic or whatever but please, someone give me some advice. I am at my wits end! My 5 year old daughter is a terror. Seriously! I guess I will start by saying I was a young mom. 15 when I had her in 2008 and her dad was very abusive/crazy etc. and I felt so lost and trapped that I knew the best thing for her was to let my grandmother take her until I could get my life straight. Finally when my daughter was 3 years old I was "ready" by this time I had already gotten engaged, had a nice house, a great job and a 3 month old daughter. I pictured my life being so perfect when I brought my oldest home. Boy was I WRONG. She came to my house and "ruined" my life ... trashing my house, digging things out of my fridge early in the morning and throwing/squirting them EVERYWHERE. She figured out the child lock on my cabinet and dumped a whole bottle of Windex into our fish tank (killing our entire saltwater community) she started pooping her pants on purpose (yes I took her to the doctor and nothing was wrong) she would pee in the toilet but poop her pants. She would throw toys at her 3 month old sister randomly and laugh. So I thought daycare would help. A few weeks after we enrolled her we thought we saw improvement. Nope. She started blurting out nasty inappropriate things like "let’s play sex" and “I want to kill you" or "I’ll stab everyone with knives" then she started trashing the house again. Finally, she did it. She drove my ex so insane that he dumped me and kicked us out. His exact words were “I hate her. I absolutely hate her. She’s the devil" I was so embarrassed and hurt because I couldn't understand why she was so bad. Well suddenly she started behaving. The next year was perfect and now, here we are AGAIN she's horrible! She's pooping her pants and throwing temper tantrums over the smallest things. She says very ugly things to people like "wow you're fat" or "aww don't look at my butt" Just totally rude and embarrassing things. I can't even take her in public because she will say inappropriate things to other kids about stabbing them or saying you're stupid or I'm going to poop on you. If I ask her nicely to behave she yells "doooyy doooy dooyyy" and makes funny faces as if she's trying to make me mad. I even lost my job because she Scared od 11 babysitters in 5 months by making comments like "shut up or I’ll punch you in the face" or "you want to kill me?'' and one time she even told my best friends son to not show his peepee to her ( which he didn't) and she just blurts this stuff out. When I try to introduce her to people she plays dumb like "uhhh what is my name?' "Are you stupid people?" "im Krista" and then she rambles on about made up stories about the cops chasing her or something else. I have tried EVERYTHING ... Sitting and talking with her about her actions and how they make me feel. Quality time just her and I. Playing all day long to wear her out. Doing crafts or other learning activities. Spanking when needed. Timeouts.Grounding.Taking things away etc etc etc NOTHING works. She's supposed to be starting school soon in a month or so and I am terrified of sending her because she acts out so badly. Her doctor said she is just being a normal 5 year old. Whatever. This isn't normal because I've never met a child like this. I am trying to do everything I can to be a good mom and she's making me feel like a failure. I just married an amazing guy a week ago and we are getting our first home together. I am so scared she will drive him away. I don't know what to do.

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Michelle - posted on 06/14/2014

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Have you taken her for counselling?
Take a step back and look at the situation from her point of view. You gave her to someone else to look after until you were "ready" to be a Mother. When you decided you were ready, you had another baby and man in your life. She still wasn't your top priority. To get your attention she would be naughty and it worked. She also got rid of the man in your life so she didn't have to share you with 2 others just 1.
Now you have another man in your life, well last time she was naughty enough that he left so maybe it will work again this time.
How often were you in her life while she was with your Grandmother? Did you gradually move her in with you or was it sudden? This poor child felt rejected by you for 3 years, she needs to be able to have someone help her work through her feelings.

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