My 5 yr old boy has disablities and makes load noises why do people stare and ask whats his problem?

Elise - posted on 10/08/2009 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Hes 5 years old and he cant talk all he does is makes load noises constantly and it really bothers me when people stare and ask me whats his probelm? I even had one guy roll his eyes and wave his hand and said why dont u make him mind the old fashion why? When i put him in his wheel chair people smile but if hes not in it they roll there eyes. How do i handle this probelm?

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[deleted account]

I know this might be hard, but have you tried to invite them to understand what is going on with him. When you see them staring just ask them if they would like to come talk and learn about him? Most people will probably decline, but it might make it easier for you to handle knowing you can talk to people about it instead of getting embarrased.

Danielle - posted on 10/08/2009

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I'm sorry for your frustration. My nephew has Autism, and I know he has been treated the same way. My sister used to get angry as well. People should be more aware of disabilities and the behaviors they encompass. I bought my sister and myself a t-shirt from an Autism web-site that says" I have Autism. What's your excuse?" I think that sentiment sums it up. What is the excuse for people with no compassion and bad manners? The best we can do is promote awareness and hope people find the grace God gave them!

Jane - posted on 10/08/2009

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I know it's hard but you will in time learn to igore them. They are ignorant and should mind their own business, but unfortunately, they don't !! Just make your special lil angel know that how much he is loved and that those people don't matter. OR...do what my mum does ( as she has no shame ), and ask what they are staring at and ask what's wrong with them? People usually don't like confrontation and won't know what to say when you call them out !! Either way hun...good luck... !!

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Elise - posted on 10/14/2009

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Yes that is true about kids they are curious and iam not worried about this kids cause alot just dont understand or there curious. I have an older boy who is 12 now but i remember when he was about 5 or 6 we was in the store and he started pointed at a man and said mommy look he only has 1 leg what happened? I had to explain to him not to point for 1 and then 2nd explain to him that some people may look different but it is ok. So for children to look it doenst bother me because i know they are curious not when it is an adult who knows better and rolls there eyes and makes rudes comments that drives me crazy....but i want to say iam so glad i asked this question on here because all of u have been so helpful and when i go into the store now i am more confident and my focus is all on my son. Now i know exactly what to say when i see somone roll there eyes or make comments...THANK YOU !!!!

Carrie - posted on 10/13/2009

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People just naturally stare when there is someone who seems different. My one child saw a dwarf at the mall one time, I thought how rude are you. I nearly had to smack him to quit staring. We're all the same in gods eyes, keep your head up and ignore people. It could just be curiosty as well.

Keara - posted on 10/12/2009

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just ignore the people staring.... people in this world are rude and there isnt really anything anyone can do about it...sorry :(

Hannah - posted on 10/11/2009

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They are idiots. All you can do with assholes like that is give them the bird.

Kathleen - posted on 10/11/2009

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They just don't understand and never will. But have faith, you will meet people that will praise you for what you do. Just look at the starers and ask if they have a problem. Sometimes it will get them to stop and sometimes it's just plain fun to watch them stumble over their words. He makes loud noises because that is the stage he is at. Babies make gutteral noises. People just can't understand why a 5 year old would do this. Don't worry yourself with others that is a never ending saga.

Dinah - posted on 10/11/2009

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Hi..my almost 6 yr old is Autistic. People who stare and ask questions are idiots in my opinion. I started a blog of Facebook. Dinah's Domestic Dailys. Check it out. It's my own support group and I would like to chat with you on a more personal site..

Cindy - posted on 10/11/2009

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I'm sorry you have to deal with others people stupidy...... If they would just put there selfs in your shoes just for a day then they would see what you would have to go through. For all you moms that have to take care of any child with any disablities dont have it easy, but GOD blessed you with an angel he wouldnt just give any mom a child with disablitles only those he know who can handle and love them they way they need to be. I couldnt imagine what stupid peson would say something so mean to you b/c your son makes noise. At the end of the day just be happy that you have him and try not to worry so much him the mean ppl I do believe god will make them pay for the mean things they do and say in life.

Penny - posted on 10/11/2009

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your son is not the problem it is the other rude people didnt they get taught any manners as a child its not polite to stare just smile and walk away xxxx

Aniesha - posted on 10/11/2009

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People are just ignorant & don't like anything that is out of what they deem to be "ordinary". Sorry I can't offer you advice, but I feel for you that both you and your son have to put up with such stupidity.

[deleted account]

God bless you Elise, you have a great boy, pay no mind to jerks out there.. i wouldnt even acknowledge them, they dont deserve it.. if you must, which i dont blame you in the least, i would say "can i help you?"i always liked that one, usually leaves them tongue tied.. but try to take the high road, u have enough to deal with, love your boy and set a great example for him

[deleted account]

If people are rude enough to stare at you, stare right back! Ask them directly, "Do you have a question for me?". You don't have to be rude, but be prepared to answer (just in case somebody actually *does* ask a question). At that point, either the person realizes that he/she is being rude, and scurries away...or, you're asked a question, which you answer, and maybe that person is a little bit smarter and more understanding the next time. Sometimes people just need to know what the issue is in order to be understanding of your situation. That doesn't mean their poor behaviour is right though!

Cheryl - posted on 10/10/2009

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People are good at trying to make you feel bad. But, It isnt up to you to make them feel comfortable. as long as your son is comfortable and not stressed. FORGET there stares stare back roll your eyes and say what u never seen a disabled child you should be a shame of yourself..People are rude and dont know nothing.. I had some guy yell in Wl greens at me when i was redirecting and givin my ADHD,OCD,ODD child. She was over stimulated and started acting out. I know i probably shouldnt have taken it to the extreme as i did. but i am sick of people who dont live in my world tryingto tell me how to deal with it. I told him pay my bills,clothe my children... then you can tell me what and how to talk to my kids. MYOB... Sorry i hope this helps... I get so tired of peoples eyes on me and trying to be dr phil...

[deleted account]

I'm sorry people are rude, my advice would be that your just going to have to deal with the nosey people. There will always be them and there is nothing you can do to change it. Besides ignoring them or telling them to mind there own buisness.

Leslie - posted on 10/10/2009

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I grew up with friends and family that were disabled and faced the same problems. You can not change people. Some think he doesnt belong,some feel sorry for them and dont realize they are making you uncomfortable. Some tend to open their mouth before they even know the situation. Some want to reach out and just huge them.
I use to tell people to take a picture or this could be them tomorrow.
The best thing is just ignore them and go about your way or tell them to mind their own business. they shouldnt speak about things they know nothing about.

Kim - posted on 10/09/2009

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First of all, I think mothers of children with a disability are a gift from God. Without you, how would these children survive? Thank you for all you do. You are truly an angel.
With that being said, everyone commenting on your post is right. The other person is in the wrong but that doesn't answer your question of how to handle the problem. Quite frankly, I would be honest with them. Tell them he's disabled and walk away. That's all they need to know and don't answer anymore of their questions. If the ask, tell them you don't want to go into details. Most people should feel bad at that point and shut up. Focus your attention on your son because he's probably needing you. Channel your energy to your son, your family and friends because they're the ones who love you, care about you, and want to be around you and don't let some comment some stranger made ruin your day.

Elise - posted on 10/09/2009

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Thank you so much everyone for your advice and ur kindness just makes me feel so much better....now i feel more confident when i go into a publc place. My son to me is the best and i love him more and more each day...thanks again

Charity - posted on 10/09/2009

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People are just ignorant and tactlessjust know that you are doing a good job as a mother...I have three that are on the autism spectrum and my daughter will occasionally make load noises or tantrums and people will give a dirty lookI just look at them and smile and hand them a little card that explains autism and that we(my husband and I) are doing the best we can..and that this conditions is extremly hard for her to deal with and that she is not acting like this as a result of bad parenting. Before I did this I got in peoples faces about it and got really rude with them just so they could see how it feels to have everyone staring at them!! I have recently decide to try and ignore it but eventually my kids will get to an age were they realize they are different and it will hurt there feelings more. I can't explain it to them in a way that they understand. It is very frustrating and heartbreaking.

Amy - posted on 10/09/2009

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Hi Elise, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through...My only advice is to keep your eyes focused on your precious little boy and not on the eyes and expressions of strangers. My youngest daughter has cerebral palsy and wears braces on her legs. She used to need a walker, and the stares were unbelievable; the looks of pity---it was horrible! Anyway, I prayed to God to help me, and it felt like He told me to just focus on my little angel (her name is Angelina) and the things to be happy about...and to turn away from the looks and stares that were meant to tear me and my daughter down. Now I don't notice because I don't look, and if anyone had the audacity to say something rude to me (about my daughter), I would just say how blessed I am to have her in my life.



Warmest wishes to you :)

Kerry - posted on 10/09/2009

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I have worked with adults with intellectual disabilities most of my pre child life. Most of which was spent being involved in the community. I found the best thing to do is carry on with a smile on your face and show everyone what your child is capable of doing rather than focusing on the disability. Even if the person i was with was non-verbal i would answer them when they made vocalisations, and have a chat. People are a lot more comfortable and in turn accepting if you are.

Elise - posted on 10/09/2009

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Thanks mom i do remember that lady now she was very nice ...so yes i know i need to stay postive and try not to let the rude ones bother me ....lol from now on ill just tell them. Oh and i remember now that a lady also came up to me at fred meyers too and she was nice. It seams the women are nicer and know what iam going through ive just had bad experiances with the men.

Annelise - posted on 10/08/2009

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Elise remember that woman at McDonalds in Wal*Mart who asked you what was wrong with your son and you told her and how helpful she was ? She told you she had a child like him and she just kept working with the child and finally they were able to talk. . I forgot now if it was a boy or girl. If more people like her would ask in a nice way it helps to break the ice and be able to talk to them about it like it was with her. That is why your father and I tell people who look what is wrong with him right away. Most of them understand . Your son has taught us alot as before I like other people who saw a kid acting up in the store thought man they should make him mind. I look at those children and their parents in a different way now , knowing they may be going through the same thing you are. Just keep working with him like the woman said. He going to therapy and school has helped him alot as now he knows how to tell you when he is hungry and wants to eat. Look back 2 years ago and think how far he has come. He wasn`t walking then and now he is trying to say I Love You ! Love you Elise, Mom

Kelly - posted on 10/08/2009

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It amazes me when moms post on here about the rude comments people make to them, or the rude way that people treat them, whether it is because of a child with special needs, or a very young mom (we see a lot of that on here). I just keep thinking "where do you people live, cause where I'm from we just don't go around acting like that to total strangers!" I have no advice for you, because I just can't imagine who these people with no tact are, but you just keep doing the best you can, and try not to let those people bother you! And I am glad that you posted, because maybe it will make someone think before they speak. When you are in public and see a child you think is a total brat, you never know their situation, so you can never judge that parent. Thank you for making us think!!!

[deleted account]

I understand what you are going through. The way I see it is if a child/children have medical conditions such as autism, adhd, Tourettes syndrome, ceribal paulzy (sp) just to name a few are very special gifts from God himself; the reason I say this is because us parents who are given these children, God is saying I know you are strong enough to handle them and give them the care they so desperatly need and deserve. Others out there in this world are cruel and mean to medical conditions they may know nothing about. My 6 year old has ADHD. She has had it since she was 4 and I get the currious stares. Peolple have approached me and said "You need to get your child under controll fefore she gets to be more than you can handle". I simply look at them and say " If you could live a day in my shoes you would not be able to handle what I am going through, nor would you be able to handle my child because you are standing before me telling me to control my child when you know nothing about her". 90 percent of the time people who are talking to me like I am a dog walk away because I have "hurt their feelings". Others do not understand how much they hurt us when they act like fools with no knowledge. Granit I have no special medical condition but I have been told I am like a child because of the way I am. Just simply confront those who are making you uncomfortable and do it with a smile, because KINDNESS KILLS. Everything will get better.

[deleted account]

After doing it a couple times and when you get positive feedback it will get easier! Just try to do it with a smile....so they don't think you are being mean. Good luck!!

Elise - posted on 10/08/2009

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Ya ur right i should ask them if they would like to know and learn about him. Sometimes i get real shy but it would probely make me feel so much better if i did that.

Elise - posted on 10/08/2009

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Thank you , Yes thats what he has is Autism and also Tourettes syndrome so he has alot of vocal tics , and can be quite loud, They said he has the worst case of Autism and Tourettes and he was unable to walk untill he was 3 years old and now he can walk but still has some difficulties with his balance. Hes had so much plobelms and i admire him so much hes a great little boy. Hes allergic to 16 different types of food and he has probelms chewing food. Also has ear tubes ....but hes is my little Angel and i thank god every day for him. I feel god have him to me because he knows i have alot of patience.

Laura - posted on 10/08/2009

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sweetie understand alot of people have no class! i would think of them staring as he is so pretty they cant stop lookin at him! u cant change stupid people! thats ur baby and it doesnt matter what people think or say about him. i know its hard but dont let them get to u!

User - posted on 10/08/2009

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I wouldnt worry myself with other people. Theres nothing wrong with your son...the problem lies within the person that is staring. If people say things to you, then tell them to mind there own business. If they stare...just smile, that bothers people more then being rude back.

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