my 6yr old son doesnt want to see him dad can some one give me a bit of advice

Laura - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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i have a 6yr old son who doesnt want to got to his dads when he was 1 the social workers made the arrangement tht his dad was to get him every 2 weeks but since last christmas his dads only seen him 4 times i recieved a message from him askin if he could take my son i said yes but at the last minute my son was in a terrible state saying he doesnt want to go throught and see his dad and i think its just due to the fact his dad hasnt been there for him and he is due another kid anytime and always has excuses saying he working or something i told him to give my son a wee phone to let him no he still cares when he does take him he is a good dad but how do i resolve this as i am not forcing my son to go somewhere he doesnt want to go and when you try to speak to his dad he doesnt listen he thinks he nos best his dad also went to lawyers for access and couldnt stick with that can someone give me abit of advice thanks

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Jodi - posted on 12/10/2013

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If this is court ordered, then you have to send him. The only way you can avoid that is file for new orders.

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Jodi - posted on 12/14/2013

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Except that she has mentioned that the social workers made the arrangement (why are social workers involved?) and dad has gone to the lawyers for access, so I am assuming that there is some sort of legal document around the arrangement.

If the mother is concerned for the safety of the child, yes, but she hasn't indicated anything about his safety. There is no indication his safety is in jeopardy. Advising one parent that she can withhold a visitation from another parent is never good advice unless there is abuse involved. If there was evidence of abuse here, I am sure the OP would have mentioned it.

Leela - posted on 12/14/2013

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Hi Laura, my son was like that at one point. I decided not to force him and instead sat down with him and talked. I told him we both love him and I gave him a chance to talk, instead of me just lecturing him. Turns out he didn't like his Dad's gf and not being able to spend alone time with his father. I told his father that I wanted to support their relationship as its important for our son and shared with him how our son felt. I reminded him that our son is young (only 5 at the time) so logic and playing hardball would only work so much. He needed to work on their relationship. To give him credit he took my feedback which was hard to hear and planned an outing for just the two of them. I prepared my son for the outing by telling him how much fun it would be etc. They now have a great relationship.

Linda - posted on 12/13/2013

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She says in her previous post that it is NOT court ordered. My concern is what's happened/happening to this poor child that makes him so scared to go? I'm sure the courts would understand if the mother is concerned for the safety of her child.

Jodi - posted on 12/13/2013

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Linda, if she doesn't let him go and it is a legal obligation, she may lose him altogether if dad takes it to court. I agree that she needs to sit him down and talk to him and get to the bottom of why, but by not allowing dad to take him could be seen as parental alienation and is highly frowned upon by the courts.

Linda - posted on 12/13/2013

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I disagree with Jodi, although I respect her opinion. I wouldn't force him to go. He's not going to throw such a big fuss for no reason. You need to sit down with your son and find out why he doesn't want to go. You need to support your son, and be there for him.

Jodi - posted on 12/13/2013

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Of course he will. He is six. He isn't old enough to make that decision himself. Your job as a mother is to encourage him and be positive.

Laura - posted on 12/13/2013

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Hi its not a court order yet but if he goes to court will he get granted access even tho my son doesnt want to

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