my boyfriend not helping with the baby

A - posted on 02/03/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

7

0

4

Before we had a kid my boyfriend was a work aholic. When I got pregnant he still worked all the time. When I had my baby boy I had a c section. Dad was around to help out as much as he could. Now baby is almost 6 months and I don't remember the last time I got a 6 hr sleep. Our son is up every 2 hrs on the dot. Sometimes he is up every hour at night time and all it takes is to pick him up. Rock him give him his so other and he is back to sleep. But let me tell you this is tiring. Now daddy works anywhere from 9- 14 hr days. I get it he is tired from work. I never ask him to cook or clean. On the weekends we get his 6 yr old kid. Since the days switches from sun to Tues to Friday to sun the poor kid doesn't get to see dad very much h because those are dad's super long days at work. So not only am I stuck at home dealing with our baby I have a grumpy 6 yr old to take care of too. Now last night baby fell asleep and u fell asleep and dad didn't have his house keys and the door was locked. He banged on the door for 10 mins before coming in through the garage and then gets mad at me for not waking up. After finally getting the baby to bed at 1 am and falling asleep ed by 2ish? The baby is back up at 3 am and then again at 5 am and then at 830 am. Dad doesn't help out in the mornings. Instead of getting a bottle and feeding baby he wakes m3 up to deal with him saying I have 20 mins before I have to go to work. Well I feed change and put baby back down. Baby falls asleep and so do I. I wake up to dad coming home to grab something and getting mad at me that baby was crying and me not waking up to him. Baby had gotten his arm stuck in the crib rails for the first time. And he asks me what is wrong with me. I start crying and tell him I'm tired. I never get.more than 2 hrs sleep at at time. His only response to that was hire a.baby sitter so u can get some.sleep and then goes back to work. Every time I have mentioned to hire a sitter he has said no because he doesn't trust anyone and now it's only okay because I need sleep but he isn't willing to help me out a bit. I understand d he works a lot and needs his sleep. We have a roof over our heads because of him. But I need help with the kids and a sitter isn't gonna fix that. How do I get him to see this?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ashley - posted on 02/03/2016

58

0

9

AHHHHHHH this sounds all tooo familiar to me. I had trouble with my husband not wanting to help either but i realized that he really couldnt he didnt have the time. I dont know what its like to be at work all day long and then have to come home and be a family man and do the family thing. Finances are the most stressful, yes kids are stressful. I have three and i stay home, i have a 7month old, 3yr, 5yr old. So i am always busy.. Construct some type of schedule that you and him both agree to. Call a friend or a family member over to come help you for a little bit. pump some breast milk if you are nursing and have it for the person who is going to help you and go get some sleep whenever your husband is at work.

I just got used to not getting rest. i drink coffee to fix my tiredness. about the cleaning, your baby is only a baby for a little while and he/she will grow up and you will kick yourself in the butt for not sitting to just enjoy your baby rather than worrying about everything else. Things will go back to normal soon the baby will not wake up so often and will be able to sleep though the night. Dont stress too much, its not healthy for you. If your hubby has an issue with the mess then tell him to clean it or hire someone to but dont over work yourself.

9 Comments

View replies by

Ruth - posted on 02/12/2016

7

0

3

Hi I was in the same situation my name is Ruth I have several tips that did work for me .. I decided to move in with my parents i thank them for giving suaport I was still working at the time i was well prapred for what ever would of happened if he would leave me but I put my feet well seat in the dirt and i am a hard headed person the the choice I made was to make him beg for me to choose me over anything and make my self that I am important

Raye - posted on 02/08/2016

3,767

0

23

A, which is worse... walking through a room 10 feet long containing 200 snakes to win a million dollars, or walking 10 miles down a hallway and every 5 feet there's another (unavoidable) snake, and not winning anything? By not getting your child on a decent sleep schedule, you're taking the longer route with more exposure to snakes (sleep deprivation), and not winning anything because you and baby are both still exhausted. You can't just sit back and hope he'll change on his own. He might. But he might not. You may have to put in some extra effort in the beginning to get a schedule down, but the reward is that both you and baby are more rested and happier.

If he's not waking because he's hungry, wet, or in distress, he’s probably waking out of habit, and not because he’s actually had enough sleep. The more sleep they get, the more sleep they want, and will fight you less. To start, you can look to his cues of sleepiness during the day, and make sure he's getting several naps in for a total of 2-3 hours during the day. if he's taking short naps, then he needs more of them. But you really need to encourage your baby to nap longer than the 5-10 minute "cat-naps", because a baby who is napping less than 20 minutes is not getting into deeper sleep. And then they need at least another 20-40 minutes or so in the deeper sleep to refresh their developing bodies.

One thing you can do to try to extend the short naps is, (pay attention and) when he starts to stir but is not yet awake, soothe your baby without picking him up (rubbing his back, making shushing sounds, stroking his hair, or something similar), lulling him back into sleep and easing him into the next stage of deeper sleep. This is not teaching him to be self sufficient, but it may extend his naps and make him less cranky in the short term. Try to transition to fewer naps of longer time (first aim for three 40-90 minute naps, then two 90 minute naps).

I still say you need to stop rocking him asleep. Feed and comfort him until he's drowsy, and then put him down to fall the rest of the way asleep on his own. After a while, he will become more independent and not rely on you so much if he wakes during the night.

[deleted account]

My name is sophia not Sophie,, read my post properly, like I said if she does not want advice don't be here plain and simple complaining about everything in her life n lashing out at people for trying to help,,, what I said if you read it properly is do not give more than you receive,, if you think that's wrong then shame on you for letting women think it's ok to be mistreated absolute shame on you

A - posted on 02/06/2016

7

0

4

sophie, i do not agree with the silent treatment. that is very childish to do, we are adults and should act like adults. don't get me wrong i appreciate your opinion, but i wasn't looking for a negative way to deal with the situation. my boyfriend works long hours to support us, if he didn't we wouldn't be able to survive. even tho I'm super tired and have 2 kids to deal with i understand his exhaustion and how he doesn't want to always deal with the kids when he gets home. but since i posted this, he has come to understand how tired i get and has stepped up to help with the baby, and i didn't even say anything.

Raye, i have tried to get him on a sleeping schedule, but unfortunately he sleeps when he wants to, sometimes its 5 10 mins naps during the day, and sometimes its 2 4 hr naps, i don't fight with him to go to bed as he just gets very mad and screams, at night time he lets me know when he is tired and he may not sleep very long but its better than fighting with him. if you have any suggestions to help get him to sleep more id really appreciate it. I've tried feeding him oatmeal cereal before a bottle to fill him up, I've tried music, rocking him, letting sleep beside me in the bed while I'm still awake. I've tried to keep him up in the evenings to really tire him out, non of this seems to work. but I've also been told that now that he is 6 months old that his sleeping schedule will start to get better.

Raye - posted on 02/05/2016

3,767

0

23

Sophia, calm down. I think you're a little confused. I was not looking for attention or refusing help. I am not the original person who asked for help. I was writing to try to help that person. And I disagreed with your advice. We're adults. We should be able to disagree without getting pissy. The OP can listen to what we all have to say and decide for herself what she wants to do.

You say you didn't advise her to be mean, however your advice was to DEMAND her boyfriend cut his hours and help her, or else she should give him the silent treatment, not cook his meals, or do anything else for him - in retaliation for his noncompliance to such demands. That is childish, and is mean. Maybe he can't cut back hours because they need the money. I'm sure her giving demands to him would create more problems. He will shut down, close her out more, and be even less available to her. ....Just my opinion.

[deleted account]

Excuse me I was not been mean n my husband adores me, you should not be even here making comments if u refuse to get help it appears your just looking for attention as when good advice is offered you want nothing to do about it so frankly u must love how he treats you as u just explained, under no circumstances did I tell you to be mean and how dare you suggest I did,, get on with it n stop complaint if your refusing help, it appears you just want pity instead. Many women here with real fearful stories don't need to be hearing it, good luck

Raye - posted on 02/05/2016

3,767

0

23

Sophia, it's very immature to be mean to someone just because you think they're being mean to you. I would not follow this advice. You should talk to your partner about your needs and come to a compromise together.

A, Your 6 month old should be taking 2-4 naps per day for a total of 2-3 hours per day plus sleeping 11-12 hours at night. Come up with a schedule that allows for this amount of sleep time (plus any soothing time needed for him to fall asleep). Having a routine is good for baby to know when it's supposed to be sleep time. It's normal for baby to wake 1-2 times per night, but (unless hungry) the baby should be able to go back to sleep on their own. If the baby is not getting enough sleep, then that causes them to be more restless and causes more problems trying to get them to sleep.

So, what you need to do is stop rocking him to sleep. You've created a need for him to be rocked to sleep, and he won't be happy until you're up tending to this need. So, you need to train him to self-soothe. Feed him then rock him until he's drowsy, but not yet asleep, then put him to bed. This will let him fall the rest of the way asleep on his own, and eventually he will get used to that and not have to rely on mommy to be able to go back to sleep.

[deleted account]

Demand he helps out n cuts his hours, unfortunately your case is very very common the responsibility is alot set to the mother your baby is at a very demanding age and he is tiresome yo both of u I have compassion for both sides on this story, your a very new mom so your emotionally drained also, u need a little me time I would definitely demand he cuts hours and helps out try a different tactic,, go all quiet on your partner, do not cook his meals say nothing n do nothing if he questions this make it clear if he's too tired to help you, then your too tired to help him and stick with this, fo not give him any more than he is giving you, I wish u luck try to stick with this n get a solution

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms