my child is driving me nuts

Kristen - posted on 12/29/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )




my 8 month old daughter just keeps crying, she refuses to sit and play with her toys. she is fine while i play with her but i get no time to myself. i just want to sit down and relax but i can't. when she sleeps is when i clean the house and if i try to rest when shes sleeping i dont get any cleaning done so my husband gets upset when he comes home to a dirty house. does anyone have any tips for me? anything would be great


Renae - posted on 12/30/2009




Encouraging independant play might help you. At 8mo she may also be experiencing separation anxiety. SA is a stage of psychological development where the baby begins to understand that they are their own person, separate from you, and that you and she can separate (i.e. put her down and walk away). Once she moves to the next stage where she gains an understanding of object permanence (things are still there even when she cant see them - including you) and time (that you will come back later) then this phase passes.

In the mean time, to encourage independant play you will have to get her used to it slowly.

1. start by playing with her with some toys, then you stop playing with the toys and let her continue. Do not move away, stay sitting next to her, but do something else so your attention is not on her like folding laundry. Do this a few times a day for about 20 minutes.

2. After a few days of doing step 1, dont play with her at all, just give her toys, sit with her and do something else.

3. Another few days, give her toys and move a couple of feet away from her, sit and do something.

4. Move further away.

5. Even further, keep moving further away until you are at the door.

6. By now it will have been a couple of weeks and you can probably get away with leaving the room completely for about a minute.

7. Now gradually increase the time you are away by a few minutes at a time until you get 30 minutes to yourself.

If you manage to get more than 30 minutes independant play out of an 8mo then count yourself lucky, 20-30mins would be normal. By 10 months its about 45min.

I have encouraged independant play from the time my baby was a couple of months old. So I have never had a problem with being able to stick him in his activity centre or on the floor with toys and go off and do whatever I need to do. Now at 10mo he is so good at playing by himself that I have to make sure I spend lots of time with him and dont take advantage of the fact that he is so good.

Hope this helps.

Stacy - posted on 12/29/2009




I have totally been there before! This is what I did I would let my son cry for about two min at a time while I was doing something else in the same room. The more he knew that I wasnt going to give into him the longer he would play by himself. Second I would tell your husband that you need to talk to him. Maybe a couple of days in advance to give him a chance to think about what you need to talk to him about. Then I would tell him that you feel like you have no time to just be you. When I sat my husband down and told him that he began to take my son a bath every night. Bath time and bed time became there time together. Therefore letting me do whatever I wanted around that time. Play on the computer, watch t.v whatever. This was a big stress relief for me. I hope this helps.

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

Louise - posted on 04/06/2011




as long as your daughter is fed,clean ,nappys ok ,not thirsty,then she is not being mistreated if you let her cry.It is a vicious circle as a mum we think "oh no i carnt leave her crying" in actual fact we make them mardy by keep running to them.As long as she is in a safe place ( bouncy chair / high-chair )somewhere she carnt hurt herself its fine to leave her to cry.It may seem she may cry forever but she will get used to it and she will stop crying when you leave her.Also is she getting enough sleep in the night/day naps? Is she teething? or has she always been like this? I ask this cause my daughter went through this and through the night as well.She would go to bed and cry for 20 mins go to sleep then wake an hour later and it would be 1-2 hours before she went back off.Then she would wake 4-5 times.I put her in her own room at 10 1/2 months as i was expecting 2 weeks later,and from that day on she never woke in the night ever again or had a bottle again either.(magic) if shes waking in the night she maybe tired like my daughter was. good luck!!!

Destiny - posted on 12/29/2009




I had the same problem. i either had a friend watch my seon for a couple of hours or I ended up telling my fiance to watch him for a day and see what went on, and then try to come home and get upset about how the place looks. After I did that I found that he was more willing to help me out a lot and stop riding my but about getting things done.

Christy - posted on 12/29/2009




what i have found works the best for me is to have a few of my daughter's toys in every room of the house so that i can clean. she knows that certain toys are only in certain rooms and gets excited at the chance to play with, say, kitchen toys. i also let her bang around on my pots and pans while i straighten up the kitchen. when i need to clean the bedrooms or bathroom, i put a gate at the top of the stairs and let her have the entire upstairs to play in. i will usually put one of her DVDs on my tv though she will often be in the same room i am in.

i also don't ignore her while i clean, i sing to her and talk to her about what i'm doing. i also think maybe you should talk to your husband about him putting your daughter to bed. i know it's a bonding time for the 2 of you but it might be nice to let them bond for that time and let you get a little bit of down time. and if you and hubby don't spend every minute together after she goes to bed, use that time as down time too.

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2009




I think Stacy has a great recommendation! My daughter did this as well, I honestly think it's a stage most babies go through! Here's what I did, mostly because I didn't have the heart to just walk away for a few minutes! I woudl sit on the floor and get my daughter interested in whatever we're doing, then I would stop playing with her, but remain right next to her. When she bgan to get used to that, I would do the same thing, but scoot a foot or two away, as she got used to that I would just scoot farther and farther away, eventually sitting on the couch, standing outside the room watching her through the doorway and so forth. It took a couple of weeks, but my daughter now knows that I'm always nearby and she can always come find me! Best of luck!

Stephanie - posted on 12/29/2009




I dont have much to offer except you'll have to let her cry, like the others said. But I have been there before, it's tough! I hope things get better for you very soon.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2009




Unfortunately all you can do is 1 let her cry and learn that you are not going to be manipulated and get stuff done 2 play with her and get nothing done and have an unhappy husband 3 go crazy and start resenting them both. 4 do a combination of 1and 2 and let both hubby and child realize you are only human and can only do so much. I go for choice 4. Talk to your husband and tell him you need some help and time to yourself. Maybe he can take over the night routine with the baby while you straighten the kitchen and toss in a load of clothes. During the day do your chores with the baby in the room either in a playpen or on the floor. If she fusses tell her she is fine and that you will pick her up as soon as you finish what ever you happen to be doing that minute. As soon as you finish pick her up and talk to her for a few minutes then put her back down and go to the next chore. It will take a few days but she will get used to playing next to you while you work and then during her naps stop dropinto a chair and rest for a few minutes.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms