My daughter cries all the time!

Sharon - posted on 09/02/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi ya everyone,
I have a 13 month old and she has just gotten over a viral infection but since then she cries most of the day. she is happy i the mornings and once or twice during the day but she wants to be picked up ALL the time. I have a son who to be honest is starting to feel that i love her more than him because she takes up so much of my time. at first i was thinking awh shes not well and only wants me but even now she is refusing to go to anybody including her father. If I need to go out ie: the shops or gym she cries i calm her down and then I have to sneak out.... I am totally exhausted as she does it at night too (i do not let my children sleep in my bed), so i ask you fine ladies do you think i should toughen up and let her cry or continue being a softy n picking her up for cuddles??? Any information will be appreciated x

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Cynthia - posted on 09/05/2011

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Distraction get big brother to sit down with her with crayons and paper-a nice big roll of banquet paper you can roll out about ten feet of on the kitchen floor. the trick is to build relationship between older brother and little sister, and to STOP feeling sorry for your little girl, get back into routine, she is no longer sick, you need to go back to the routines you had before she got sick. Get dad back involved with bedtimes and stick to your guns. You verbally recognise each of your childrens emotions and then reinforce the routines make sure both of your children get lap time either on the floor or on either side of you at bedtime story time. Little ones do go through clingy phases regardless of whether they were sick or not, so allow her to be close but limit or balance being held time, for house work you can consider a baby back pack for her, while making the enviroment as intersting as possible for her, encourage and praise both children for helping out and playing well together, whether its sitting on the floor rolling a ball back and stacking bowls or pots and pans, the point is to be near at hand until this phase is over, without enabling a bad habit of giving them control of how the day goes and how you interact with each child on individual or group basis.

Melissa - posted on 09/06/2011

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Sallly I see your point but babies also cry when habbits change...I know first had it works...toddlers throw fits because they don't understand they cant get what they want all the time...i believe it teaches them and it only takes one or two times and works great and makes for a happier toddler! It is not at all about convenience on the mothers part though, We are not talking about letting her cry all the time and pay attention wwhen we feel like it we are talking about teaching and trying something that works fast. Having a child whom gets what they want all the time and learns that crying gets them what they wants can also create behavioral problems! Baby centers and such dont work for a curious toddler who wants to run around...this is the age of testing and finding limits...the parents should set those limits!

Sally - posted on 09/05/2011

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The reason you feel bad about letting her cry is because nature designed her to cry when she needs something and you to respond to those cries. People think that cry-it-out teaches babies independence, but it actually teaches that mommy only cares at her convenience. That can lead to all sorts of emotional and behavioral problems that last a lifetime. Studies have also shown that babies whose needs are met promptly also cry much less than babies who are let cry-it-out.
When she gets clingy, just pop her in your favorite baby carrier. Then she gets the mommy contact she needs and you still have your hands free to give your son the mommy attention he needs. She'll be avoiding you soon enough and you'll miss the cuddles you could have had.
Good luck

Kristin - posted on 09/02/2011

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my son does this with my dad. he does this because he is the only one who picks him up on a regular basis.
at home, he never gets picked up unless he really needs it (falls and hurts himself pretty bad, to put him up in his high char...).
he use to be like that with me, he wouldn't want held by his dad, his brother or sister, just me. then i tried to toughen it out and not pick him up so he would go to his sister and she would pick him up. then i put my foot down and told her to not pick him up and that he is perfectly fine playing on the floor. well, i got attitude from her, but i explained that he has to learn that he is fine without being held.
stick to your guns sweety and toughen it out. when he comes to you and wants to be held, try to sit on the floor with her and distract her with toys or other things. eventually she will get the idea that mommy isn't going to hold her all the time.

when my son gets sicks, i cuddle and hold him. when he gets better, it seems like i lose so much of what i have taught him and i have to reteach him that he is fine without being held. but it's getting easier to reteach him this everytime he gets sick and then feels better.

so in closing..... DISTRACTION DISTRACTION DISTRACTION on the floor with her. that's my opinion anyway.
goodluck

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Sharon - posted on 09/04/2011

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Thank u ladies xxx ive started ignoring her n or saying mammy's busy hunny, n eventually she stops it worked a dream lol she even went to bed for her father last night woohoo i still feel a bit bad when she crying but i have to suck it up!!!

Melissa - posted on 09/03/2011

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umm maybe you should try letting her cry it could be that she is used tot he attention...
or she could be overtired and need extra sleep esp after getting over her sickness...
I would try ignoring and if she throws a tantrum walk away;;
I kind of feel like i might be a combo of a phase, my son kind of did that around that age...(wanted to see how much attention he could get from it..) and after being being spoiled from her sickness...hopefully this to shall pass!

Lisa - posted on 09/03/2011

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It's been a running joke in our family that my 2 1/2 year old doesn't realize that the cord was cut at birth. He's getting better but damn somedays I just want a break from him. I make a point to do things with my 4 1/2 YO and 7 month old. I explain to him that Mommy is doing this or going here, etc. If he throws a fit, he has to go to his room. But I also make sure that he has special time with me also throughout the day.

He is getting better as he gets a little older and he's able to understand better. Sometimes when he wants to be picked up all the time, I pick him up and then pretend that I can't hold him because "he's turning into such a big boy." Then we run around and act silly and he seems to forget.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2011

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Thank you so much for both your replies, Kristin that is a brilliant idea, i am trying to be tougher now i am trying daddy time with her where its just her and daddy i go the gym or have a bath or go for a walk..... she seems to be getting the hang of it (im an optimist)... Thank you Katherine and Kirstin fingers crossed for me hahahahaha

Katherine - posted on 09/02/2011

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I've heard this so much. She is having separation anxiety. It's that age where they get really clingy.
My daughters used to do the same thing. In fact my 2.5 year old still does sometimes.
She obviously needs you right now, I feel for your son though.

Maybe try to do an activity with him?

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