My daughter humps everything

Jennifer - posted on 05/14/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My soon to be 5 yr old daughter humps everything when she gets tired. It seems to be how she puts herself to sleep. It is not something that has just started, she has done it as long as I can remember. I was hoping she would grow out of it but that doesn't seem to be happening.

I am not sure how to handle this. My husband yells at her and tells her to stop. I told her that it needs to be something she does when she is alone in her room.

Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone gone through this?

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Jane - posted on 01/04/2012

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After reading this and hearing other mommy stories, I'm glad I'm not alone. My daughter, now 9, didn't hump per se, but played with herself starting at 4 or before and she STILL does it (but in her room now) I thought she would grow out of it too. We all (mom, dad, grandma) when we caught her doing it, told her not to do that in public only in private. I WISH she would have grown out of it, but she hasn't.

Nikki - posted on 05/14/2010

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I would get your husband to stop yelling at her and just keep dong what you are doing, remind her nicely each time that it is something that she can only do in her room. Eventually she will grow out of it.

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Shannintipton - posted on 01/05/2012

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Thanks ladies but this thread is over a year old so I am going to lock it but if you would like to start a new one that would be great. We lock the old ones so that old members dont think they are getting spammed. Thanks for your input though. :)

Kay - posted on 01/04/2012

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Oh, I should have mentioned that I do not believe in yelling at children unless they are in danger, like about to step off the side of the Grand Canyon or something. I usually take the child to another room and quietly explain what was not acceptable behavior.. sort of prevents public humiliation this way plus other benefits.

Kay - posted on 01/04/2012

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I have a different opinion. At this age, I would just tell her to stop this when you see it like you would any behavior that is not for public display. I would not tell her it is ok to do this in her room. That would be sending mixed messages and it would be confusing to a 5 year old. There is no need to mention it. Now if they around 12 plus that is a different story. You will do them no harm at this age. I have a theory about what is causing some of this. While buckling my grandchildren into their car seat harnesses, I realized how tight the buckle is. That is sure to call their attention to this area .Maybe there is no connection but I am just saying?....

Amy - posted on 01/03/2012

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Mine is 7 and she will fold up a pillow and put in between her legs.She says, it feels good, like tickling, and one time she actually said that "a little pee pee comes out, bc the pillow is wet". She will fall asleep with the pillow still under her.She knows to do it in her room with the door shut, but when she thinks you are going to be in the other room, I caught her grinding on the arm of the couch. OMG She is 7 with these type of hormones? HELP

Corinne - posted on 05/20/2011

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My daughter touches herself in bed too (she's nearly 5). It's nothing to worry about, alot of little ones do it. As long as you keep reminding her that she's only to do that in bed or in the bathroom and it's not something we do in public, there's no harm in it. As for your husband, I had the same thing. M went off his head the first time he 'caught her at it', we had a coffee and a chat and I told him to read some of the stuff the health visitor had given us and to look at some of the responses to similar threads on here. He was fine after that and even apologised for walking in on her the other night. Maybe book in to talk to health visitor with your husband if he's really bad about it, maybe hearing it from a proffessional will help? :)

Kristin - posted on 05/14/2010

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Just keep telling her to save touching her genitals or private parts for when she is alone and in her room or during her bath (you should just turn away if she does this). If she does it anywhere else, take her to her room. As it's a soothing mechanism for her, your husbands yelling will only exacerbate it. He can walk her or carry her to her room and tell her to stay in there if she's going to do that.



At 5 years old, she is old enough to understand and follow some rules regarding this. While it may not pass in the sense that she stops totally, modesty will step in soon and she will prefer to do this in private. Given this behavior, you may want to start mentally preparing yourself for the talk now. At some point, there will be a sleep over and she will be seen by either a friend or an adult. It's better she get all the clinical info from you before it could be horrifying. Save the emotional and moral/ethical bits for later.

Nicole - posted on 05/14/2010

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I think what you are doing is great. Telling her it is something that she should do in the bathroom or her bedroom. I also think you should speak to your husband about not yelling at her (and that his relationship with her is very important especially now). He could direct her to her room instead of yelling. This seems to be how relaxes herself. I think it is pretty normal for this age evan though she has been doing it for awhile. Good luck!

Lainie - posted on 05/14/2010

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Did you rock her as a baby??? I find myself rocking myself to sleep and my sister does the same our mum used to rock us as babies:) I have notice my 1 year old son doing it aswell. Im sure its very innocent nothing to be concerned about!! goodluck :)

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You can keep insisting and rephrasing only in the room to get to her remember on her own. Be consistant, don't let her get away with it outside her room, that can be mixed signals to her. With my 2 yr old son he recently started doing masterbation motions with his penus. I would take his hand off of his penus and tell him to do that in his bed. He now gets in either his bed or our bed completely under the covers and does it. I don't mind him doing it but not in the room where everyone else is. That's a little different from your daughter of coarse, she is tired and instead of rocking herself in bed, she humps and probably will for some time. You just have to be consistant so she sees that she is allowed to do that but only in bed. I agree that your husband shouldn't be yelling at her, that can make problems worse. The humping comforts her so she should be taken to bed when she wants to do it. That way she can hump all she wants until she goes to sleep. I know a 24 yr old male soldier in the army that still rocks himself to sleep in bed. But most kids do grow out of these things eventually.

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