My daughter is 5, just started school, she refuses to go poop on the toilet?

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

This happened recently, we came back from florida in June 09, she was doing great, no pull up, no accidents, then about 2 weeks ago, she just started pooping in her pants? we have tried anything with her, buy her stuff, she has to clean herself up, the last thing I told her is that if you poop in your pants again, she will have to see the doctor (for shots) I thought that would get her attention, she started crying because she doesn't like to get shots, We will see what happens??


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Amy - posted on 09/05/2009




I agree with Carla Childs Coleman. We had our oldest son potty trained and the same thing happened; he reverted when it came to pooping. What had happened is that he became constipated once and when he finally went it hurt so bad that he decided that he didn't want to poop anymore. We also took him to the doc and had to use suppositories and he was on a daily laxative. Eventually, it turned around and he has had no other problems since. Kids remember more than a person thinks. So if she did become constipated while in Florida and then when she finally went if it hurt she may be scared that it will always hurt. I would also give it some time....maybe increase her fiber intake for a few days and see. If it doesn't improve I would take her to the doc.

Olga - posted on 09/05/2009




My daughter is 4 and we've been through a similar thing. And I tried everything too, the telling off and threats, and the rewards / gifts etc, and of course none of it worked and just made her more conscious and worried about it. In the end I just talked to her about it a lot, asked her for reasons, explained why it's not nice, praised her, told her what a big girl she was, kept asking if she needed to go and enerally encouraged her. The only negative thing we "kept" is that if the has an accident mummy won't wash her knickers but throw them away instead - she has some "pretty" princess etc. knickers so doesn't want them thrown away. It took a while but it worked. However, you do need to look at the underlying problem, at what's causing it. In Maia's case it was anxiety and confusion - at home and kindergarten she was a big girl, but when she went to her father's she was treated like a baby, so obviously she was confused. She always had accidents at his and for a few days after seeing him. Now we are facing school - she says she doesn't want to go there but I think she is confident enough now and would go rather than have an accident. But we still talk, let her ask questions and talk about it, encourage her, praise her and tell her what a big brave girl she is. So just keep being positive and supporting and talk to her about any anxieties she may have that are causing this. Good luck.

Talina - posted on 09/05/2009




I have a 4 yr. old that pees off and on and I have found out that it occurs with change, I think its a nervous thing. Maybe going to school has sprung this reaction? I would try giving her somthing special (that is large enough to notice) like a hat, scarf, glasses, to put on everytime she feels she needs to go potty, then when you see whatever it is she has on you can escort her to the potty and make sure she goes, she may feel secure knowing you are there. If it is an embarrassment problem then somthing like a magic scarf that turns her invisible may help. The other thing it could be is that she doesn't see you as much in the day and she knows that pooping will get your attention, if you think it is that then I would simply explain to het that pooping does not get attention and then ignore her completely everytime she poops,as in do not answer her, talk to her, no response what so ever to her and then when she does poop in the potty again start rewarding her with somthing small. Maybe everytime she poops in the potty she gets a quarter and when she poops in her pants it gets taken away, then at the end of the week she gets to spend her money at the dollar store or get ice cream, after the first weekend of not having enough money to buy somthing (I would make her go all week without pooping to take her) she may try harder the next week. I dunno if it will work but I hope it helps! Good Luck!

Tamara - posted on 09/04/2009




My first suggestion is to see a doctor to rule out a medical cause, if its not medical it's behavoiral, and My second suggestion is going to seem cruel. Take away the big girl underwear. If she is going to go like a baby put her in a diaper till she can act right.

I knwo a girl who was a couple years younger than me who "had a bladder issue" i bought it right up until she spent the night at my house. She woke me up a two am saying she had to use the bathroom, I told her to go, she said she didn't want to and i offered to go with her. She said she didn't want to and went back to bed the next morning she had wet the bed. Her bladder control problem was she was just to lazy to walk to the bathroom. Something embarrassing as loosing her right to be a big girl would have stopped that in it's tracks but everyone just kept making excuses for it.

Of course this happened when i was 12 and the girl was 9. but i believe the concept will still work.

[deleted account]

Sometimes kids are actually constipated when they go in the pants or when they seem scared of the toilet. She may have actually been holding it in too long while in Florida. The smearing etc. happens because only the liquid portion of the stool comes out around the blockage and they have no control over that because the nerves lose the sensation. Our daughter was like this for a while and it takes several weeks or months in some kids to get it back on track. We actually had to do bowel training with her, which a doctor will prescribe. It includes enemas, stool softeners, potty timing, fiber foods and enough fluids and lots of patience. This may just be a normal part of her developement and nothing to worry about, but if it keeps up you may want to bring her to the doc just to be on the safe side.

Bernadette - posted on 09/03/2009




yes i agree with tara also if she is around other kids that do not her age and she sees this maybe they will be big influence on her and try to tell her she is a big girl like tatra said and big girls do not do this and when she doesnt poop in in pants thats when i will start reweding her

Tara - posted on 09/03/2009




Maybe she is having some anxiety about school? I would try talking to her about that to see if that may be the root of the issue. If it isn't, you could try the approach that she may not be able to make friends at school because "only babies poop in their pants" - that was what worked with my niece when she was still having poop "accidents".

Bernadette - posted on 09/03/2009




first thing i would try not buying her stuff this seems to never works let her keep on cleaning herself tried taking something from her that she really and let her earn it back when stops pooping in pants just a suggesting

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