my daughter is dying of cancer......

Chomrong - posted on 05/01/2010 ( 68 moms have responded )

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My daughter has a malignant brain tumor/cancer called diffuse pontine glioma. she is getting closer to death, each day...how do I remain strong for her and my family?

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Beatriz - posted on 05/06/2010

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Chomrong,

My daughter passed away last year from a congenital heart defect. I have been in your shoes and the grief although not as sharp as those first few days, is still strong. There are organizations to help you, such as The Compassionate Friends. I recommend you log onto their website and find one in your area. Although your daughter is not yet an angel, you will meet many parents in your position or who have been in your position.

I am so sorry that your daughter, you, and your family are going through this. There isn't anything that can make it okay to lose ones child, but finding the right support is essential.

Please feel free to email me if you would like to talk further.

Warmly,

Beatriz

Angie - posted on 05/05/2010

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My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my younger brother to colon cancer at the age of 24. I tried to stay strong for him and my family, now I regret it, I just distant myself to stay strong. Now I just wish I lived in the moment and spent more time with him, took more photos, and took more videos of him. Death is something we can't stop but the way we live our lives with the one we love, we can always make a better. Make as much memory with her to last a life time. Just talk to her, see how she feels, her answers may surpise you. Ask her how you should feel..What kind of feeling should mommy feel? The last thing my brother wanted was feeling sorry for him. He had his faith in God and he just want the whole family to be reborn and strengthen our faith in God. Hope this helped...

Christy - posted on 05/06/2010

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Find your way with God. That is all I can tell you. I will pray for you!

Melinda - posted on 05/06/2010

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The best way to remain strong for her and your family is to have your one on one time with God....he is there at ALL times for all of you and knows exactly how your feeling!! You need to make sure that you allow yourself to vent all your emotions to him regardless of what they are, like why is this happening to your daughter, you can get angry, ball, it doesnt matter he will listen and he will comfort you through it all. He is the only real way you are going to be able to have the strength to be there for your daughter! I dont know if you are a person of faith or belive in God but if you want someone to pray with you you can always reach out to me and I will pray with you! Also I will be praying for your daughter and you and your family! one of the prayersd that I love is the serenity prayer!! GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!! God Bless Chomrong, Melinda

Jaclyn - posted on 05/06/2010

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I am sorry for your family and yourself. I will keep your daughter in my prayers. Just know that when it is her time to go the lord will welcome her with open arms and love her with everything. She will no longer have a tumor and she will be in gods grace forever.

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Jacque - posted on 02/21/2012

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Prayer helps our family with all struggles. I will pray for you and your family and precious daughter. Remember you are all His beloved. I am sorry for your pain. Love, Jacque

Alissa - posted on 02/21/2012

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My daughter is also dying... not of cancer but of a heart and lung disease called Pulmonary Hypertension... For her there is no cure and our days ahead will not get better. How do I handle this. I am strong for my daughter. I cry in the shower or take drives into the mountains to scream at god all the anger I feel for my child having to face this. Try to be open with your family and friends with were you are and what you are feeling honestly. If you need to talk I am here. We are facing different diseases but unfortunately are headed in the same direction. My thoughts are with you and your little one.

Danielle - posted on 05/08/2010

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I'm so sad for your situation. The only thing I have to offer is if you are at a weak point & you need to be strong is to think of all the things that have enriched your life because your daughter has been in it. Find something to make you laugh like gathering a bunch of funny photos of you & your family to make a photo board. Also, you are not alone. There are support groups for family & friends you could join. I wish you luck xx

Tina - posted on 05/08/2010

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im really sorry to hear that:( if u ask me she already knows she has the best mom ever .and remember u cant b strong for everyone u have feelings to so dont forget about urself to.

Cyndi - posted on 05/08/2010

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My prayers go out to you and yours on this. Also, as a Mom this would be so difficult to handle. I would have the hardest time as well but I would lean to my family for support so when in my child"s presence they would see the "strong" mommy, and I relieve their fears. I have worked in Health care for over 20 years and your child's medical team should have information for support groups in your area and some of them even come to you. You really do need to ask it doesn't make you a weaker person to need help we all do at some time in our lives. We just have to face up to it and ask.There are hospice groups as well that help with the care for the dying and help support the family around them. You are in our thoughts and you are definitely in our prayers.
Blessings, Cyndi

Sahana - posted on 05/08/2010

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I am so sorry. dont know what to say, but i'll pray for u and ur baby. its ok not to be strong, just hold her, be with her, love her lots, hug her, even her father, and other siblings. be togeteher. cherish every moment. and yes pray. they say god knows what he is doing and he also grants everybody their wish. u and ur family are in my prayers.

Tui - posted on 05/08/2010

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im so sorry to hear about your daughter im praying for you and your family asking the god lays his hands on your family to give you all strengh and healing also the finances to be in anbundance when everyou need it i also sending aroha(love) and angels to you god bless you greatly

Lorraine - posted on 05/08/2010

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I am so so sorry to hear that news. YOu poor thing and your poor family, you sometimes think our problem are bad, until you hear other big ones. Can I asked what age your daughter is. You I suppose have to be strong for yourself then your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless you

Lindsay - posted on 05/07/2010

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u know what u should stay strong just for your daughter spend more n more time with her i know its hard but just go on each day making her smile shell be very proud of you.....if i was you i would do the same ...but im very sorry for her and hope for the best god bless you and your daughter.....

Kailey - posted on 05/07/2010

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Really Just friends whom knew them too... their mothers and brothers and sisters... People who I can share the beautiful memories the good and bad... because we all treasure the opprotunity we got to have both good and bad memories with them... to be able to say they were a part of our life at all...

Veronique - posted on 05/07/2010

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I'm so very sorry to hear that. I don't see why you need to be strong for your family, what you are going through is very hard and if you break done it's only normal. As for your daughter i think the best thing is just spend as much time with her as possible and make her comfortable.
I wish you all the best! Good luck

Miranda - posted on 05/07/2010

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My thought and prayers go out to you....I can't imagine what you are going through. The only thing that I can tell you is that it is ok to cry and show your emotions. Your going to miss your daughter so much when that day finally comes. I don't know how old your daughter is but if she is a little older where she can understand what is going on just talk to her about everything. Make her know that you wish you could do something for her and are doing everything you can for her!!! Just keep doing what you can to make her feel special and make the time she has left special!!! As for the rest of your family make sure you are always honest and that they too know what is going on. Like I said you are going through a rough time so do what you need to do to make it through it and if that is crying with your family, talking to loved ones, laying with your daughter every night, taking time off of work or what every makes you feel good!!! The main thing to remember is that you need to take care of yourself and the rest of your family also. If you have other children, make sure they do understand what is going on. I am not losing a child but my 2 little girls are only a year and a half apart and my youngest is 3 months right now...my older is often jealous because the younger one is always held and needs basically a little more attention because she can't do anything on her own. I often have to remember and remind myself that I have to try to give my oldest a little extra attention because you don't want them to feel left out. So make sure you are remembering your older/younger children because even though there maybe nothing wrong with them they still need the attention!!!

I wish you the best of luck getting though the tough time and my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

[deleted account]

I am so sorry sweetie. My heart breaks for you. Look to God for strength and comfort and put your faith in Him. In this life we will never understand why things happen as they do and there is nothing that can take away that pain. If you have other children, try to be strong for them. But outside of your children, the rest of your family needs to be strong and take care of YOU and I pray that they are. If you have family that can help with the other children so you can spend time alone with your daughter, I think that would be really helpful to you. Youre in my prayers. xoxo

Laura - posted on 05/07/2010

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Circumstances beyond our control belong to God. Ask for prayer from friends and family who are close to God and talk with Him often. I will be praying for you also.

Kailey - posted on 05/07/2010

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I have lost both a very close friend and a little boy I grew up babysitting from brain tumors in the last year and a half. Although I cant Imagine the pain you feel losing your child to such an awful thing I have seen their devastating blows they give to the families they inflict their rage opon. Im sorry your daughter is going through this... and im very sorry you have to go through this. like the other mothers have said keep your faith strong. & do seek some sort of relief even if it is a blog... start blogging every night before bed but dont let it fester inside of you. Oh Also dont push her away... it wont make it any easier on you... pushingf her away will just give you more oppritunity to feel awful once the good lord does take her home. Once again i am so sorry. God bless!

Elsa - posted on 05/07/2010

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i'm so sorry to hear that... you have to be strong n to pray,don't give up.
i will be praying for your daughter n family.God love your daughter,you n your family.

Natalie - posted on 05/06/2010

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Do you have access to a hospice. There is a place that looks after the family that is suffering with the loved one who has to pass through the veil of this world and into the next. I had a dear friend of mine die from complications from lukemia, and it was heart breaking. You can only be strong for so long before it grabs you by the heart and shakes you like a rag doll, just remember. It is not weakness to show your emotions even to your daughter. Hold her, cry for her, love her, stay near to her as her time draws near. Make special times for each family member to be alone with her in an age aprropriate manner. The movie Step Mom with Julia Roberts is a wonderful example of how to be strong for and love a person right through to the end (or beginning). If she is old enough to understand and she is asking, have the doctors and nurses explain how her death will come about. I pray that it is peaceful and painless for the rest of her body,and I share your suffering. My grandmother is dying from Alzhiemers and dimentia, and there is nothing to be done but spend whatever kind of time we can with her and hope for a good end. If there is one I don't know but cling to the thought that you are being held up by angels, the hands of God and Buddha, that she will be made whole and perfect and she has been so well loved by her family and friends that she won't have a sorrowful passing. God bless you in your time of strife and suffering, my heart is heavy for you.

Richelle - posted on 05/06/2010

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we will pray for strength for you and your family. just live every day like it is going to be the last. do things with them and just be there for her. i am so sorry to hear about your little one with this. i know it's hard. i hope with God's strength will be with you and your family.

[deleted account]

I know this isn't much but i just want to send my love♥♥♥ although i dont know you and cant imagine how you are feeling i still hurt for you and it breaks my heart to read your post.I pray for you ,your family&your precious daughter.

Kate - posted on 05/06/2010

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This breaks my heart. I am so sorry for you, your family and your daughter. http://www.braintumor.org/GeneralMenu/ check out this website. I have known two families who have had to endure what you face, they found help and comfort through the website I pasted above. One mom celebrated her daughter with her family everyday and then the day was focused on keeping the other kids lives as "normal" as possible. She said she would cry her eyes out driving to the hospital and on the way home. If she needed other time, she made time after the kids were in bed. She stresses how important giving yourself alone time to grieve is healing and helped her be more productive on her daily tasks. Sounds like you are feeling what she expressed, that you feel like you need to be two people, in two places everyday all day. That alone will take it's toll on you. My prayers are with you. May your precious baby find peace. You will make it through, I can't imagine your pain and I'm sorry you are going through this. It's normal to get angry, to be sad and also to be happy for the life she has had or that your other children are accomplishing things in their lives. Maybe ask your family to help you, so you are doing things together. You may be surprised how healing that can be. Or ask them to do more things you would normally do, so you can focus on their sister. They will understand more than you think w/o even explaining it. Your family is forever changed because of her love/life. I don't hate much, but I hate cancer took my mom 7yrs ago. Sending a great big hug your way.

Julie - posted on 05/06/2010

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you dont need to be strong all the time. this is the single worst thing you will ever experiance. What you need to do is just show them all your love and emotions bond as a family to make the remaining time. its ok if she sees you cry.it gives her permission to be scared. just hold your baby.

Rebecca - posted on 05/06/2010

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try finding out what you can about it and same as most people ask if their are other mums that are in the same boat as you and take your daughter along to make new friends as that will make her happy
Im sorry that you are going through this but stay positive for your daughters sake,ill do lots of steps for her when i do the race for life this year (cancer research)

Alison - posted on 05/06/2010

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i am so sorry to hear this, i dont have anything that could possibly make you feel better that i could say, but i will keep ur family in my prayers.

CarrieAnn - posted on 05/05/2010

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Pray. Pray. Pray. I am doing this now for you. I am sending you major email hugs and can not imagine what you are enduring. Give EVERYTHING to God and know that he will take care of each of you! I am so sorry to hear of this and want you to know that if you ever need to talk in more detail, please don't hesitate for 1 second.

I don't even know you and love you and sending it all your way!
Carrie Ann

[deleted account]

You may think is stupid or useless but many people are getting cured of cancer and tumors by changing the acidity of the body from acidic to alkaline. drinking baking soda diluted in water or hydrogen peroxide 35% can help you achieve this. Google and read about it. Cancer and tumors are nothing but a fungus. Give it a try, it only costs a few cents too.

Tara - posted on 05/05/2010

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i am so sorry, i don't have words to describe my deep feelings for you and your daughter . i haven't been in this grave situation before . All i can say is : God be with you , your daughter and your family ... just pray and god definetly will give you strength to continue and help you to put a smile on your face cos i know how difficult to do so especially to your own daughter .
just make everyday of her life is a special day and you will remember them with proud and remember how strong you were during these days . god be with you hounestly.

Breanne - posted on 05/05/2010

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GOD! Prayers. i have a lady in my church who daughter passed from cancer and she just had to believe God knew what he was doing. its hard when we dont understand the why's of what happens but god loves u and ur daughter is just an angel he needs back. he has plans for her in heaven. i cant imagine the pain u feel but the lord above loves u and her even when u cant feel it. the sun still shines when there is a cloud over head! will be praying for u and ur family. may the lord bless u and keep u strong.\ give u some ease and comfort in ur heart/

Brittany - posted on 05/05/2010

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sorry i cant give you any advice, but i wanna send you lots of love to you & your family, and most importantly to your daughter ♥

Penny - posted on 05/05/2010

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i am so sorry to hear this, i wouldnt know how to deal with this situation, just cherish every moment you have left. xxxxxxxx

Roxane - posted on 05/05/2010

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I dont know ur religion preference but I strongly think that u should seek the Lord Jesus Christ. he will give you that comfort and understanding. He will feel anything that you are missing. you should bring prayer into ur every min of life. the lord does answer knee mail. I also believe that the lord works in mysterious ways and the power of prayer is powerful. I can not imagine what you are going thru and am whole heartedly sorry and I cant give you any other advice but to pray that the lords will be done. I know that if what ever happns and ur not happy with it I dont want you to hate GOD or be angry pray about you feelings and ask GOD to hug you and just embrace it because you will feel the arms of the lord around you i promise you will.

Ivy - posted on 05/05/2010

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I don't really have any helpful advice except find someone you can talk to and be able to be emotional about what is happening to your daughter and family. Someone who will be able to give you compassion and empathy. I am very sorry your daughter and your family has to go through this.

[deleted account]

I wanna cry or you so bad. Your daughter knows you love her and I'm sure would understand your tears. Remembe the good times with her and dont be affraid. You might be suprised she is stronger then you are right now and ok with things. As for your family...they should be strong for you. They should be your support and love. Good luck I will be praying for you.

Kelli - posted on 05/05/2010

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Death is probably the hardest thing to deal with here on earth. I will be going to my mothers Memorial at the end of this month. She also was taken by cancer, I was with her when she left. It was 2007. It's not easy for us. But as most of the people on here said , she is going to be with our creater. It is all of our greatest hope to go there one day. To be free from pain, sorrow, tears....and just imagine what all she'll be able to do in Heaven. Run, sing, skip, and like the Bible says "there is a time to dance".
Have faith. Give these images to her.And pray to God to have the ability to comfort her. Life is not easy, we all know that. But it is the life after that we all will be released from our suffering. I'll pray for you both. She will be at eternal peace. Pray for your own peace as well.
Love in Christ, Kelli :)

Kelly - posted on 05/05/2010

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im sorry about this horrible obstical that you,your daughter&&family have to deal with.

i can only imagin how horrible this time may be for yall.

as for how you can stay strong;

you can turn to God&&ask him to give you&&your family the streghth to get through this;

it may also be a good idea for you to talk to your family about whats goin on&&show them how you feel;

maybe talkin about this situation would help yall remain strong for your daughter;

but the best thing you can do for your daughter is just to stay by her side through this tough time;

let her know that your always gunna be there&&how much you love&&care for her.





my heart&&prayers goes out to you&&your family

Sherry - posted on 05/05/2010

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Chomrong, sweety believe it or not by asking your being strong. I myself have a very rare disease that they told my mother I would never survive. But i'm still here 24 years later. I can't profess to know what your going through, I wouldn't even have the balls to try to understand that... But I know what it's like to have a loved one extremely ill. When I was really sick I became very very close with two boys on my ward. David (a few years older then I was) had cancer and a number of inoperable tumors, TJ had a tumor in his brainstem that was also inperable. These boys were brother's to me though they've passed from this world-- my angels-- .So I do at least have a little experience with this.

It's rough, and my heart goes out to you sweety. You have to remember that it's ok to cry; and you WILL CRY (probably more then you want to) . Remember to take the time you need, it's OK to blow up at your husband when it get's overwhelming, don't forget to talk about it, and don't forget to talk about and to your daughter either. And do not forget to talk to your other half and any other children that you have. It's necessary (I can't stress this enough) absolutely imparative that you talk to each other. Illness of this magnitude can cause rifts within the family if communication isn't there.. TALK to the people dearest to you and don't be afraid of not being strong all the time... Nobody's strong all the time! Remember your daughter's probably thinking the same thing too.. have to be strong for mom and dad and siblings

As big of a B**ch I may sound right now try and prepare your daughter. The outcome of Diffuse Potine Glioma is not good, there is research in development now so there is hope but it's still grim. If your a religious family and have a special relative that's passed make sure your daughter knows that it's ok if they go meet that relative, that she won't be alone... Let her cry too sometimes children feel that they have to be strong and stay because their parent(s) need them, She loves you and she doesn't like seeing you hurting any more then you like seeing her hurting. And don't forget to pray-- sometimes I believe that all the praying that went on helped me get better at least to a small degree.

Sweety if you need a sounding board by all means you can add me to your circle ... I hope I'm helping but I've been the kid (now woman) who was on the other end of the boat.. I was that kid

I'll keep a special prayer for you ... I'm not a religious woman by nature but I was told at 8 yrs old I was going to pass or would be a vegetable... still here for whatever reason, and have a 5 month old son to boot maybe I'm lucky... But I'll be praying for you too...

All my best to your and your family Chomrong... I pray the lord Jesus sits at your side and holds your hand through this trying time... I know he's got a special angel watching over you and your little girl. I'll send my own angels to watch over her too

Cheryl - posted on 05/04/2010

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well ma,
you thank God everyday that he gives you to hold her and spend time with her. I know right now it may seem like your world is turning upside down and inside out I say this cause I was there 3yrs ago with my mom and last year with my uncle. I wont lie to and tell u that this easy, but i will tell u is this PRAY ! Pray that GoD will guide you through this. Pray that he will give you strength for not only yourself but also so you can be that Rock for your other family members.. And i will also pray for u... B bless

Karen - posted on 05/04/2010

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As a mother who knows what it's like to lose a child I can truly understand how you must feel. I encourage you to turn to the Lord for comfort. I know I would have been a mess without Him to help me through the pain. He is there in the midnight hour when no one else is there. I will be praying for your daughter and for you.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

[deleted account]

If you believe in God, then just know and trust that he is with you. Have faith that your daughter will be going to a better place, and that soon she will feel no pain! Im so sorry, I dont really know how to answer this to make you feel any better.

Jenny - posted on 05/04/2010

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I Just want you to know that I don't know what you are going through but If I were in your situation. I would just try to enjoy every last second with her. Seek God in everything. He will make her healthy again. It may not be here in earth but in heaven she will be healthy and happy and you will be able to see her this way when you go to heaven with her. I will pray for you to have strength during this difficult time. God Bless you and your family.

Mindy - posted on 05/03/2010

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My heart goes out to you and your family. God Bless you all. Thoughts and prayers with you. I cant even begin to tell you what to do, and honestly, I cant tell you what to do. Just be there for your daughter and have fun. Find someone to talk to, get involved in a good support group. *Hugs*

Joanna - posted on 05/02/2010

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I am soo sorry that you and your little girl have to go thru the pain and suffering as a mother Its hard to watch your child suffer my 3month old son has a breathing problem and chokes a lot I live afraid that he will stop breathing on me again. You have to be strong for your daughter and let your family be their for you, You shouldent have to be strong for them they should be strong for you!!! the only thing I can tell you is spend as much time with her now and if she's up to it go do something special with her. Hang in their for your daughter.

ADRIENE - posted on 05/02/2010

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My Heart dropped when I read this I am so sorry only advice I can give is pray and cherish every moment with her virtual hugs go out to you

Danielle - posted on 05/02/2010

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oh im so sory that your daughter is so sick.
i could not even begin to imagine how hard it is for her and for you and your family to cope with. The best thing you can do is to ensure she knows how much you love her and she is the best thing in your life and that you would not trade that time you have had togather for anything it woul be hard to be the rock but as woman we feel its our duty to be the rock in a terrible situation i dont know that it helps any but it is just as hard to go through the situation and trauma if u r the rock for the family or if you r the 1 who needs to be comforted its ok to feel helpless we cant controll everything and we cant always save our kids as much as we would love to have to power to eliminate desease we r some times powerless to help, but all we can is be there for your kid/s and try to make her last few weeks or days as happy as possible and tell her in the end not to be affraid she will not be in any more pain, u may like to tell her a story n paint her a picture of her favorite thing or a time when u were all doing your fav thing or on your fav holiday and recall every last detail n lift her spirits,
you r in my prayers and may god comfort you in your time of need, ifu can pick up a bible and read psalms there r many comforting words in that chapter of the bible, also u can talk to god he is there and can hear everything u say to him he listens and offers us comfort,in our times of need ,
i hope this was either helpfull or comforting on some level

Heather - posted on 05/02/2010

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After growing up and watching my brother deal with cancer at 4 and seeing other children and familys going through it i know first hand how hard this must be for you. Just know its never weakness to fall sometimes, especially when dealing with loosing a child. People tell you god never gives you anything you cant handle, well I do not believe this to be true, there are things well beyond handling and loosing a child is one of them. Stay as strong as you can possibly be. You and your family are in my prayers!

Heather - posted on 05/02/2010

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I think the biggest mistake we mom's make is thinking we have to always be the rock... mom's have emotions, too, and often VERY strong ones. This is your child, for goodness sake, and you have every right to every emotion you are experiencing right now. It's not healthy for you, or your family, for you to keep that inside. Find someone- friend, family member, counselor, clergy, whatever- that you can talk to!

Please know that I will be praying for you and your family. I can't imagine the stress you are under right now and hope that you and your family will experience some peace in the midst of a terrible situation.

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