My ex has remarried..She is very controlling. I dont want either of them at my sons b'dayparty is th

Kimberly - posted on 11/09/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am 51 years old. I was married for 15 years and My husband and I knew each other for 22 years. We have two sons 19 and 20 years old. I always felt like me and my now ex husband were a good team in raising nour sons, We did not do so well as a couple. I also thought tha twe may have made it work but finances and an affair that produced a love child made in difficult to hold on. We have been divorcerd for a year and a half. My ex is now remaried to a very controlling woman who has forbidden my ex to have any contact with me. I know that he may not love me anymore but it hurts that he doesnt appear to care about me or his sons. I am planning a birthday party for my sons 21st birthdy. I really dont want he or his new wife there is this wrong?...How do I deal with this new person in his life?

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Jodi - posted on 11/10/2012

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I think this needs to be your son's decision, not yours. I am sure your son would like both parents at his 21st birthday. Just because you are planning it does not make it your decision to make. I think if you exclude them, the only person who will be hurt is your son.



I can't see why he needs to be in your life at all. Your sons are adults, you can get by having little to do with him. I understand it hurts, but the fact is, as long as he is there for his boys, he doesn't need to be there for you. I think you need to find a way to move past your hurt, and accept that you are now merely co-parents, and given your sons are adults, they are actually the ones who make all the decisions about their contact with you and their dad. Eventually, you will need to co-grandparent too, but hopefully by then, the hurt will have subsided and you will be better equipped emotionally to manage that relationship.

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