My good Christian son is gay, what do I do?

Esther MarieAnn - posted on 10/08/2014 ( 36 moms have responded )

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My boy Danny has recently expressed his interest in another boy at school. I've tried to tell him that it's wrong and that it's against the good Lord's will, but he won't listen! This is not the way I've raised him, and I know God would be on my side. I've told him ever since he was young that if he ever liked another boy, I would disown him and sell all of his possessions, but now that he has, I don't know if that's what I should do. I've tried sending him to bible camp, I tried yelling at him, I even sat him down and made him pray to God for forgiveness for three hours, but nothing is working! I've talked to my pastor, and he said that the only way that will for sure make him straight, is to put the sign of the cross above his head before he goes to sleep and sit right next to his bed and pray all night long. I've done this for a week now and I don't know how much longer I can stay awake. Please help me make my son see that he is wrong!!

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Jen - posted on 10/08/2014

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Homosexuality isn't a lifestyle choice, it's biologically programmed into your child. Making him feel bad ashamed about something he has no control over is only going to make him resent you. I suggest you learn to respect his choice, even if you can't agree with it, if you want to have any sort of relationship with him. If you teach him God hates him for something beyond his control you're also going to teach him to resent God. I also believe a parent's love should be unconditional, as Jesus gave love unconditionally to all.

Michelle - posted on 11/07/2014

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Do you not understand that your religion is wrong in thinking that homosexuality is wrong?
There's nothing you can do to change a person's sexual preference. That is decided in the womb so if you really want to get technical, you are responsible since you carried him.
The more you go on about it to him the more he will rebel, how about let it go and see what happens. You actually haven't confirmed how old he is.

Robert - posted on 10/11/2014

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Rochelle,

Your faith is strong, which is good and I'm not here to bash religion. Sorry if it came off that way. It just rubs me the wrong way when people don't love their kids unconditionally. In my opinion if you have kids then you love then no matter what. I don't care if anybody on this earth or not says "you're not suppose to love your child because..."
Without the love, attention and good guidance most kids will grow up doing bad things.

Lori,

I'm not an atheist! If you must put a title on me then I prefer agnostic. I tend to lean toward scientific facts but the universe always has something to offer everyone when they need it most. There's always good karma too. I'm no wolf in sheep's clothing because I'm not here to bash your beliefs. I'm all about love and respect so I do apologize if I came across so negative.

Kids deserve unconditional love and anyone who doesn't give them that probably shouldn't be have kids.

Rochelle - posted on 10/11/2014

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Robert,
You obviously misinterpreted my response. If you read it again I did tell her to love her child and not push him away. However I did mean to say when she is praying on her own, (not with her son) to say all those things because he doesn't understand what's going on and her aggressive behavior will push him away. As a believer of Christ it is my job is to pray and speak things that be not as though they are. My job is have faith that everthing will turn out Ok and to train my child accordingly. You obviously are not a disciple of God's word that's why I advised her not to take counsel from the ungodly because people who believe otherwise don't understand why we do what we do. She does need to approach the situation with wisdom and understanding. By the way I have 3 girls and 2 boys and 4 of them are teens. We talk about everything. They have done things that I didn't approve of but yet I still forgive and accept them the way God forgives and accepts me. Eventually when they are own their own they will make their own decisions. Right now they are in me and Dad's care and it's up to us to see their strengths, talents, and weaknesses and help to bring out the best in them. It's up to us to guide them. They don't know who they are and I'd be a fool to have insight on the greatness inside of them and be like it's their life let them decide at such a young age. I will train them up as I should. I once was a wayward child. My mom took drastic measures to try to keep me in the faith and be a good Christian girl. It didn't work because she didn't operate out of love but of anger and fear. I dabbled in homosexuality. I did drugs and sold drugs. Through it all I never forgot my teaching. GOD was speaking to me in the drug house. He was speaking to me in the club. I heard his voice because my mother put me in a position as a child to learn who he is. Before you know it my life changed I start learning who I was. One thing I know for sure is my mom never stopped praying for me. I have lesbian coworkers They call me to pray for them. They call me for advice. I also have an 18 yr old niece who is lesbian. She knows I do not approve but I love her. I respect her by not dogging her and she respects me by not bringing it around me. She even comes to church with me sometimes. I really could go on and on but online messaging will never tell the whole story

Michelle - posted on 10/11/2014

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Like I said, go and post this in the Christian Mothers group or something because you are far too religious for most normal people.
You are bordering on being a cult!
Most religions I know believe in being loving and compassionate with all people. Forgiveness and tolerance are also taught, not narrow mindedness and exorcisms.

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Esther MarieAnn - posted on 08/26/2016

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Ok it's been like two years since I posted this originally and I just wanna let y'all know it was totally a joke. I'm actually a gay trans guy myself and I'm actually so happy about all the defense "Danny" got on here. Good to know how lovely most people really are.

Esther MarieAnn - posted on 10/20/2014

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I cannot simply forget my religion, and if my son goes against it then he is wrong.

April - posted on 10/14/2014

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Hi there..I know this can be very hard for you especially being christian but forget the religion part..do you love your son??? im sure you do,,therefore you accept him no matter what...its only being gay there are many people gay/lesbian..there i nothing wrong with it at all..it is his choice and hes chosen that..being a mother is having to accept our children for who and what they are ..gay. or not..lesbian or not.love is all that counts and i know if you are there for him he will always love you no matter what because you have accepted him :) please accept him for who he is,,,,your son....your child.your everything needs you the most right now :)

Snow - posted on 10/13/2014

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Being gay is NOT a choice, and I'm tired of ignorant religious people thinking it is. Why would someone choose to be treated this way?? How disgusting to tell your child his feelings are wrong. Even at 9 he can know if he likes boys or girls, why? Because they are born that way.

Your bible has been proven wrong so many times, it always baffles me that people still preach it. Seeing as you're a woman, have you even read it cover to cover? It says awful things about women! Indoctrination of children should be considered child abuse. How SICK to tell a child, believe in this, because I say, or you'll burn in a fiery hell. DISGUSTING!!!!

Rochelle - posted on 10/11/2014

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Robert,
If you knew the bible you would know it teaches about wolves in sheep's clothing. It warns about false teachers who appear to be right but really deny the faith. It speaks about how things that are right will be taught to be wrong and its not because God changed it, but because people changed it. Regardless of who changes what in 20 years the word will always be the same. Not that it matters to you.

Lori - posted on 10/11/2014

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Robert - strawman argument however...

no one is here to "debate" this - simply to assist a Christian women who is having difficulty. but instead, the flaming atheists came out to attack and tell her how wrong she is and even went so far as to attack her beliefs.
not what this post was for...the "other-than-helpful" posters are not going to change someone's religious beliefs by calling names, mocking, etc. if you want to bash Christianity, I am sure there is a wiccan or atheist or occult section on here for those moms. I'm sure there are "rainbow" moms too (although biologically speaking that is not really possible).

esther - good luck, love your son and our prayers are with you. pray for the haters. pray for your own peace.

Robert - posted on 10/10/2014

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Lori,

I guess the secular has ahold of those priests who have ahold of them little alter boys.

They bible will be rewritten or the pope will so being gay is acceptable in 20 years or so and being gay will be accepted to certain religions. Its inevitable. Change is certain in life.

Robert - posted on 10/10/2014

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Rochelle,

That's just creepy stuff. You want her to completely invade this young man's privacy and basically control his every move hoping that will keep him from being who he truly is. No matter what she does he will eventually become the person he wants. So he will either grow up knowing his mother loves him and respects him and his choices or he will be in a constant state of confusion do to the garbage his mother filled his head with, not wanting to show his true self to the world he will eventually figure out his mother caused this horrible pain and shame he feels inside. He will resent her and eventually hate her for it.

A question for you Rochelle,

Do you have kids? If so, are any of them gay?

If you don't have kids or haven't been put in this situation then you shouldn't be offering such controlling and damaging advice to this woman. We there I believe in god or not, I simply told her to love her child unconditionally. My message is love and acceptance. God or know god, if everyone just loved each other and respected each other this world would be a better place.

Lori - posted on 10/10/2014

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have to agree with Rochelle - taking advice from those who don't have the same moral compass as yourself is not going to help. unfortunately, the secular already has a hold of your son. prayers work wonders.

Rochelle - posted on 10/10/2014

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First I would like to say blessed is the one that doesn't take counsel from the ungodly so don't listen to those who aren't even in agreement with your beliefs about God. I'm sure it's hard processing what he believes to be ok. Train him up the way he should go and he will not depart from it. You can teach him truth, however truth and love must travel together. Don't push him away by all the aggressive religious tactics. Pushing him away will push him closer to that lifestyle. Also Life and death is in the power of the tongue. When your in prayer speak that he will be successful, he will be made whole, he will follow God according to his purpose, speak the plan of the enemy will not prosper and rebuke every unclean thing that try to enter through his ear gates and eyegates. Pay attention to what he watch on TV and the music he listens too. You may even have to watch what family members he has been around. Hopefully he has not been sexually abused by anyone. When he is at school go in his room and annoint his bed with oil. Every time you touch him say a prayer. He doesn't have to know. Whatever you do show him love. That doesn't mean u have to approve of a boyfriend. We all have messed up but yet God still has forgiven us and showed his mercy and grace.

Michelle - posted on 10/10/2014

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If you want support then post this in the Christian Mother's group. Not everyone is so obsessed with religion that common sense doesn't apply.
Yes it is wrong to think that homosexuality is wrong. The Bible doesn't have any scientific backing so I don't believe.
I have 1 question for you, if we all descend from Adam and Eve yet incest is a sin, aren't we all sinners?
If you can answer that logically then you may persuade me to take you a bit more seriously.
I went to a Catholic school and questioned all of the hypocritical stories in the bible. That's all they are, stories. They have been rewritten so many times over and translated from different languages that some things get written wrong.

Robert - posted on 10/09/2014

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Do you know that the Bible has been rewritten so many times by MAN so you aren't doing gods work you are doing the work of man. You are so ignorant about life. You should try living life with love not hate. You disgust me. Some day you'll wake up and realize that the Bible is shit and there is no god. Religion was invented for structure in society. Evolution is fact lady so I'm sorry to burst your bubble.

Lori - posted on 10/09/2014

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and - if he is gay and ACTING on those tendencies, he is not a good Christian BUT he can still be a good son.

Lori - posted on 10/09/2014

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your son may be too young to "date" anyway but - that issue aside - my children (who are now adults) know what we believe (and what they have been raised also believing). I love them but loving your children does not mean we have to agree with or condone what they do.
if your child is still in your home, they follow your rules...no matter what the subject. once they are on their own, it is their life they are living. you don't have to approve or condone their behavior. you just love them. you can even express disappointment. and, always, pray for them.
we don't have to accept their choices...we just have to love and pray for them.

Robert - posted on 10/09/2014

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If you think your son is bad you should take a look in the mirror or at all those priest molesting little boys. Seriously are you going to disown your own flesh n blood because some fictional character that you've been brainwashed since childhood tells you its bad. Get a grip lady and be a good parent and love and support your son no matter what. I can't believe I even responded to this

Esther MarieAnn - posted on 10/09/2014

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Is it really so wrong to think homosexuality is against the will of God? It's unnatural. It even says in the bible that man shall not lie with another man. I know God is on my side in this. I'm getting Danny exorcised next week with the other members of my church who agreed to it. I truly believe this is the right thing to do.

Michelle - posted on 10/08/2014

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This one of the reasons I dislike religion!
How could a Mother treat her own child like that? You are supposed to love your child unconditionally. Homosexuality ISN'T a choice, it's the way they are. I am surprised that he even told you if you had already threatened to disown you.
I hope that you don't do and "exorcism" and that you don't do any more damage to your relationship with him but given your response, I don't see that happening.
Don't be surprised if he disowns you and moves on with his life.

Jen - posted on 10/08/2014

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I second Sarah, I'm just not sure I could phrase it as well as her. I must say reading your response made my blood boil a bit. It also made me feel, despite the trouble I have with my own children, like a wonderful mother because I would never stoop so low as to try and force my children to change who they are or teach them that God's love is conditional. Jesus showed love to everyone, even sinners. I don't believe he died so that mothers could freely hate their own children, and as a representative of God your priest should be act according to the way Jesus taught. I must also add that it's this sort of attitude, hatred and ignorance that causes people to turn from the path of God. I suppose if I tell you I'm gaudiya vaishnava you would also believe that I deserve to go to hell, even though you won't take the time to understand what exactly that means?

May God bless you, even though you spread hatred in His name.

Esther MarieAnn - posted on 10/08/2014

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I am appalled at all of your unsupportive views on this issue! I've been thinking about getting Danny exorcised. A few members of my church said they would be willing to help me with this. I don't think just accepting this is the right thing to do. I know he's a good boy, but he's just been led away from the path of God. I talked to my pastor again and he said that maybe an exorcism would help our problem. I've also deleted all of the "One Direction" and "Backstreet Boys" on his iPod.

Pamela - posted on 10/08/2014

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you sound exhausted. it might really help to find a Christian councilor, or supt. group, somewhere you can safely share your feelings so you're not speaking words that will destroy into your relationship with your son. It's not to late.. start speaking positive things over and to him I know it's hard but forgive, ask him to forgive you for things said in anger, or hurt. Things said and done might have created more harm than good. Each day admit you need help, ask for wisdom remember you are not alone

Pamela - posted on 10/08/2014

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wow, ok first of all Breath! When my daughter told us she was..i thought my heart would break. I held her and told her I love you no matter what. I prayed not just for her but My own heart. She moved in with the other girls family, she attempted suicide. I sat by her side..and kept praying. our relationship was strained but she knew I was here for her even when she spewed out hate by God's grace He kept me sane and quiet. God loves you and me in spite of our sins. We don't know if our children will follow the Lord But God doesn't stop loving us ever! Please stop using God this way. I can see you want to make him change, and would do anything. You can't Make him straight. God can change His desires..he did this for my daughter. she is now in happily engaged. but even if that doesn't happen. He is and always will be your son. Danny needs you

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