MY HUSBAND DOESNT WANT TO HELP!!

Natalie - posted on 01/28/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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How do I get him to understand that I have a aNEVER ENDING JOB and that it is work and it is hard and I am tired from "WORKING" to He isnt the only one who has a JOB!

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Natalie - posted on 01/29/2010

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OMG!!! I dont know what to do. I just know that it is gettin really hard. He is a good man he just doesnt get how hard it REALLY is. He may sleep but he wakes up and needs to be loved on and rocked and fed and changed and bathed... Its not an easy job keepin the house up and not even having time to shower... DID I MENTION I COULDNT EVEN brush my teeth till about 4 PM!!!!! IT was NOT fair. HE doesnt understand it one bit and I want to be able to be on here more often but my only option is once everyone is down for the night... IT is SO unfair... I hardly ever get to put on make up or anything. The other night he told me I could drink and get tipsy since I didnt get to for 10 months!! so that morning you can guess who had the pounding headache and who was up at 5 30 am with the hiungry screamin poopy baby... it was ME.. I never catch a break... WHERE IS MY MAKE UP?? lol and why does my hair look a mess 24/7.???

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2010

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If you figure this one out, let me know! I've basically been on my own with our twins since they were two weeks old!

Shannon - posted on 01/28/2010

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My husband is pretty understanding about this now, but he didn't really get it until he spent a day with the kids without me. Just tending to them all day was exhausting for him. He didn't even deal with keeping up with the house work. I'd give him a day (or even a weekend if possible) with just he and the kids. And expect the house will be trashed when you get back. Just know that it will so you won't be upset about it. It will give you a break and hopefully him an understanding. Sometimes it's hard to put ourselves in others shoes (human nature). His job maybe stressful at times and he sees that you don't have a "boss" to answer to. I can argue that, and you probably can too, but don't. I can remember thinking what would I do with myself if I stay home with the kids. I had no clue what JOB I was taking on when we decided I should stay home. I was sure I'd be bored. Then the job started and I had never felt so overwhelmed before. Anyway, give him a chance to experience it. Hang in there. Try to keep a positive attitude. And don't sweat it when things don't get done. Also, try and take a night a week (or every 2 weeks; or even 1 per month) to visit with girlfriends. Don't use it to bash husbands (that way you don't go home angry with him), but just to enjoy girlfriends. I don't do this regularly, but after I meet with girlfriends I realize how much I needed the break. I also highly recommend planning dates with your husband and planning time to just sit on the couch and talk (2 separate events). Let him unload work problems on you, tell him funny things the kids did that day, etc.

Heather - posted on 01/28/2010

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Act like your arms are broke!! hehe! Isn't that what they do? Or get really really sick so they have to stay home and do it all. that' really taught my husband when I was sick and pregnant with my second! I literally had a hard time opening my eyelids so I could do nothing!!

Denise - posted on 01/28/2010

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:) I understand exactly how you feel! I recently lost the job that I LOVED and was forced to become a stay at home mom. Now that I am, it seems like I hear, you are always at home and don't do anything. The truth is, a man will never understand the duties of a mother! We cook, clean, mother our children and still have to find time to be sweet adoring and loving wives! It ain't too pretty when you get to that point. The only thing I can say is, make him. Start putting your foot down and if the baby needs a diaper changing, you sit on your butt and eventually he will get up and do it once he realizes that you are serious about helping. Tell him it is time to man up, you didn't make this baby on your own, therefore you don't have to care for this baby on your own. It took my husband 8 months before he was comfortable enough to do things without me asking him to. It will get better! PROMISE!! Chin up! WOMEN ARE WARRIORS!

Christy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Alot of working fathers do not see everything we do because he is not there to see. My husband never really understood everything I did until my mother got sick and ended up in the hospital. I had to leave town for about three days to be with my mother, and he had to stay home with the kids. By day two he was a wreck! He couldn't clean the house because the kids just kept messing it up again. The laundry was piling up and he could understand why, and everytime he we try to get the kids to do something they would just look at him and laugh. He was begging me to come back home so that he could go back to work. As far as he was concerned his job was easier than staying home with the kids, and he works in law enforcements!
Just make sure you make some "me" time for yourself. Don't "ask" your husband, that will just give him time to make up excuses. Tell him that you have to go out on this certain day and you need him to watch the kids, and that you will only be gone for a few hours. They are his kids too, and they need Daddy time just as much as you need time to remind yourself that you are a woman and not just a mother and a wife.

Bronwynn - posted on 01/28/2010

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Take a couple of hours off one weekend. A day you know he will be at home. Go out with some friends and make him babysit ... bribe him if you have to (offer him his choice of move and you'll pour the beer)
A couple of hours is all it will take. It took until my second before Daddy noticed the fact that I had NO days off and no 'me time'.

Otherwise you could give him HIS chores aswell ;)
He could tuck the kids in bed and read them a story, or play time with daddy - 1 whole hour of NO mommy (call it Daddy/Baby bonding time) it works in my house.
and then take it from there.

Hayley - posted on 01/28/2010

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i kind understand how u feel hen ma son's dad never maid an effort but i brought thomas up my self untill sep 09 i know it is hard but u can do it :)

i am 19 now and have done everythin ma self but in a way its good coz i set the rules and at the end of the day he is the one missin out not u



just tell him tht he needs to start bonding with ur child b4 its to late xxx

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