My husband is ignoring me while visiting his family in CA

Victoria - posted on 09/12/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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this is a HUGE rant, Im trying to get this off of my chest but still get some sort of insight. Bare with the babble please :/

My husband and I have been together 7 years. Every time he visits his family in CA he ignores me. Will hardly talk to me, wont call, ignores my calls, etc. Back in the beginning it was understandable. we were VERY young, I was pregnant with our first, he was scared, I nagged him. Fast forward a few years our first is 4 and Im 8 months pregnant with the second and our relationship is rocky. I finally let him go on a trip home where I just leave him ALONE. I talk to him only when hes ready to, which actually was sort of often...Then he gets home and he tries to kick me and the kids out, hes over the marriage, he is tired of me and my "nagging and fighting", he barely makes it to the birth of our daughter and is also telling me just hours before I deliver her early morning on the 5th of July that this will be the last 4th of July we ever spend together...I come to find out later that he is doing this because he met a girl over there. and shes technically a family member b/c her mom married his uncle recently. We spend many months fighting over it and eventually we split for a while, he ends whatever it was they were doing and a year and a half later we are back together after a lot of turmoil, ignoring each other, and a deployment to Afghanistan.

He has been home from Afghan for about 2 months. Now he is back over there visiting for a couple of weeks. He spent a great amount of effort emotionally preparing me for this trip, telling me how he will not associate with that girl even though he will come across her because unfortunately she is family (gross), that I have nothing to worry about. Well too bad, I've been worrying. He immediately put distance between us once he got there, hardly calling again, not answering calls, said hes busy running around with family blah blah blah, He wasnt sending his typical I love you messages or checking in on us. I went a little crazy the first few days, demanded he tell that girl right away to stay away while he is there, called him a ton, etc. Now he wont talk hardly all. Hes explained again that he is just busy and he was on my side and agreed I have the right to stress and worry because of what happened last time and he understood me until I started tripping out...now hes still on my side but hes very annoyed and doesn't want to talk to me until I calm down. which as of yesterday I have told him I have calmed down a bit and I plan to just not talk to him until he wants to talk to me...But then I start thinking, "wait that's what I did last time and he got into cahootz with that girl!". He is going to a wedding in Yosemite for the weekend over there and of course she will be there. So now we are mixing alcohol, partying, a little cabin in the woods weekend getaway, and here is my husband right in the middle of it with her. on top of that even after he had told me he would never talk to her again, whenever hed drink or party, even right in front of me, he would start to text her. She was his drunk dial... Thats been stopped for over a year but still...I also know they talked a bit when he was in Afghanistan and we werent together. so Im concerned how alcohol will effect his resolve to stay away from her. He did tell her to stay away and that she needed to respect his marriage and our kids, but hes also been known to do what I ask him to do and then tell people sorry she made me. I do not know what to think or do. Like I said hes sworn it will never happen again but god Im so paranoid and untrusting. Yea I also know Im a bit controlling..

I'm a basically just ranting right now but hoping someone will read this and say " hey I sort of get where this crazy chick is going with this, here is a solution." Was he really just intending to visit family and do nothing more and really was just busy?? I've also put it into my head that he plans on leaving me again like last time...his family always convinces him to leave me or something close and why not do it again? They are a pretty unstable bunch and when you mix them and my tendency to be hot headed and paranoid it ends badly...

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Gold - posted on 09/12/2013

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first of all if he would have loved you in real he would not have listened to any1 else even if its own family. Secondly its his duty to respect you in front of his family and lastly if he is not giving you respect than you should fight for it or just leave him for a while. If he is really yours he will come back to you if he doesn't come back than move on he don't deserves you

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