My husband slaps me in front of my daughter

Lovely - posted on 06/11/2013 ( 319 moms have responded )

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This is the first time I am writing. My husband says I am fat and sit at home doing nothing. Today he slapped me on my face in front of my daughter. I am crying now and my daughter is watching me. I do all the work at home. My husband stays out of town most of the time. Everything is on me, but I am still happy to do everything thinking its my duty. Everyday I expect my husband praising me for everything I do but he never says a word good. As soon as he comes home he starts picking on me saying I wasn't doing anything all day. I feel sad and cries then he scolds me again saying that I cry everyday and he thinks it would be a bad luck for him. No matter what I do to make him happy he always make me cry for silly things. I need some advice please help me......

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Emma - posted on 06/16/2013

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Things I told myself while I was in a domestic violence situation and what I wish I could go back in time and tell myself in response to those things:

1. "He doesn't beat me enough for it to really be considered domestic violence"

Domestic violence starts out small and escalates- get out before it gets worse. He already emotially abuses you and he's already struck you. That is enough of a reason for you to get out. Also you don't need to justify it he's hurting you it doesn't matter if it is more emotional than physical you need to leave. Also did I mention that it will get worse if you stay?

2. "I have to stay with him for the baby. I don't want my daughter to have divorced parents."

There are plenty of kids who's parents divorced and they turned out just fine. While it is sometimes ok to try and work things out instead of divorce if you are in any type of relationship that you would not want your kids in then you need to get out of it. Believe it or not your relationship decisions really do affect your kid's relationship decisions. My dad was horribly emotionally abusive to my mother but she stayed with him because she thought it was best for us. Then I ended up in the same relationship and I didnt een realize the similarity until years later and I had been through several bad relationships and I didnt understand why because I didnt seek them out. I may not have looked for bad relationships but i sure as heck didn't have the sense to get out of them.

3. "I have to stay with him to justify deciding to stay with him so far even though he's beat me and cheated on me but i stayed with him this long and if i leave now it will be all for nothing."

If you choose to continue going down the same road with himthen you will continue going down the same road with him and he will continue to be abusive and he will continue to cheat an no matter how hard you try to make it work and change it you are still going down the same road and will not change where you are going. So do something different and leave him this time.

4. "I threatened to leave and he promised he would change and I really think he meant it this time."

And how many times has he made this promise? And then he get better for about a week or so the. It is back to the same old him. This is probably the 100th time he's made you this promise and you still believe him? Wake up he's not gonna change this time just like he hasn't changed the 99 times he's made this promise before and if you do stick it out he's still not going to change.

5. "But he has changed permanently a little tiny bit so if i stick it out and let him change a little bit at a time like he does whenever he promises to change them eventually it will all be worth staying with him and putting myself through this."

You shouldn't try to wait for him to change. He abuses you emotionally. He's struck you several times. You aren't just putting yourself through this- you're putting your daughter through this too. Do you really want her to grow up thinking it is ok for man to belittle and hit her so long as she can get him to "change"?

6. "I'll just drill into my daughter that she shouldn't stay in abusive relationships."

Lecture all you want. If you don't lead by example it is not gonna make a big impact. You know that you're in an unhealthy relationship and that you should leave but you're choosing to stay in it. Actions speak louder than words. Leave him.

7. "I have to stay with him because I have nowhere to turn to. He didn't want me to keep in touch with my friends and family so I cut them off (in an attempt to make him happy) and after I made a huge mistake like that I can't face them and they probably hate me."

Your family still loves you and will still be there for you even though you chose him over them. I know you think you are alone and friendless and nobody likes you anymore but a very surprising number of friends also still care about you and will stay to support you. Were you an idiot? Yes, but know that you are a well loved idiot despite the mistakes you've made. I know this is hard to believe right now especially since he seems to have the whole world turned against you but it only seems that way because he cut you off from those who love you and only surrounds you with people who he has influence over. Leave him and go back to your friends and family. Just because you turned your back to them doesn't mean they turned their back to you.

"I am ashamed for letting myself get into this situation and maybe if i try hardit will all get better and no one will ever have to know that my relationship was ever anything but perfect."

That is a fantasy that will never come true. Swallow your pride and leave. Everyone makes mistakes but it takes a special person to be able to admit to them.

"I've tried so hard in this relationship and If I keep tryig maybe he will show as mich love for me as I do for him."

Look he doesn't actually care for you even though he says he does actions speak louder than words and his actions show that he doesnt give a fuck about you so you need to move on

"Everything is my fault and I am the one at fault. His criticism is harsh but true. I just need to try harder."

He's making you depressed and as a result you have no energy. Your beating yourself up, he's attacking you, and his family and friends are attacking you because he blanes everything on you and they believe him. They're in the wrong and you need to leave him or else you'll never drag yourself out of this depression and you'll never get your energy back and you'll never be able to perform at your best as a parent. All the mood boosting foods and exercise and happy pills in the world wont help if your main contacts are people who are always putting you down. You won't have the energy to prove that all the mean and hurtful things they say about you are wrong unless you leave an get put of that environment.

Leave him. As soon as he goes out somewhere take your daughter and leave. Don't pack. Don't change your clothes. Organizations can help you with food shelter and clothing. You can always order a replacement birth certificate and social security card. You can always report your credit cards as lost and order new ones or have them locked until you can retrieve them safely. If there are baby keepsakes you cant part with get them all together now- pretend you are making a scrapbook or a keepsake box. Then as soon as you have the chance take your daughter and leave. Whatever you do Don't tell him you are leaving- not even as a threat i a fight. Don't pack. Don't prepare. Just get in your car with your daughter (or have a friend pick you up- you may have to go without a carseat in that situation so make sure your friend drives carefully) and go. Get out of there. The most dangerous time in a domestic violence situation is when the victim tries to leave so you need to get yourself and your daughter out as fast as you can. Go to a friend or family members house and call a womens shelter from there. Also be sure to change your passwords.

Ive found that music helps when coping with a break up. I line the high energy songs when I'm moping. They dont even have to be about breaking up. My break up/ fighting playlist includes "inside out" by eve 6, "u + ur hand" by pink, "it's my life" by bon jovi, the jessica simpson version of "these boots are made for walking" (its faster), "in the end" by linkin park, "high road" by fort minor, and i've recently added "50 ways to say goodbye" by train
Also Edge of Evil by JA Jance is an absolutely wonderful and empowering book.

Anita - posted on 06/20/2013

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If your husband is telling you to take the kids and leave from his house, it means, not only does he not care about you, but he doesn't even care about his kids. If your kids have to grow up in the presence of this man, not only will they feel the same rejection and neglect that you feel, they will duplicate this in their future relationships. To be honest, if he doesn't even want the kids around, I think he's trying to force *you* to leave him, so he doesn't have to leave you.
First thing that I recommend is that you contact a divorce lawyer. Know your options. Don't run to any shelter until you know what power you have. A wife with two kids to support, and a husband who threw you out, will cost him alimony and child support. You will be taken care of financially. I suggest you do NOT make any sudden moves until you see a lawyer, and you can do that tomorrow, it won't take long. The minute you sign up with a lawyer, citing emotional and physical abuse towards you and the children, believe me, the world and the courts will be in your favour. You don't have to go to a shelter, he will have to give up the house for you and your children, and he will have to leave.
When you get to the lawyer, discuss getting a restraining order against your husband.
These are all smart things that smart women do, if they want to have a good life for their kids.
You know what else? If you can borrow money, get a private investigator to look into what he does when he's out of town. It seems to me that if he's trying to get rid of his current family, maybe he has another family or girlfriend or even wife.
Lovely, you are not giving your kids a good life by subjecting them to a life of abuse and neglect. You are in fact being selfish. For the sake of keeping up appearances, you are wiling to stay married to this guy who is ruining any chance of emotional stability, and physical safety for you and your kids?
You are wrong to worry about your parents feelings, instead of your children's safety. I think you are making excuses, as women tend to do.
I know what I'm talking about, I used to do it too. One day I got smart.
I hope you go to a lawyer asap. And please, don't sabotage yourself by telling him what you're doing (as a threat to him, to make him afraid). For God's sakes, give your kids a really good life. Give *yourself* a good life.
Also, the reason I am telling you to go to a lawyer instead of going to a shelter, is because life in a battered woman's shelter is not great. Often, it makes women think "i'd rather put up with my husband, than to live in a shelter" so it has the opposite effect of what you really need: PERMANENT change. I volunteered on a suicide phone line for 4 years, I used to work night shifts on weekends and holidays. I heard from the women who had fled to the shelters, and then fled from the shelters. Its not all that peachy. For some, it is the only safety from a psychotically violent person, but in your case, you will do better with a lawyer. Now stop sitting online and reading posts from moms who can't do anything for you, and go make an appointment with someone who can. You are the only one that can change your life. Not me, not 'God', not the 207 moms who responded so far. Only You Lovely.

John Duffy - posted on 10/08/2013

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Your husband is a bully and a wife beating abuser, your husband also did was something evil in front of your daughter, watching you getting hit, you need to get rid of him very quickly, physical, verbal and emotional abuse is 100% completely unacceptable and your husband is not going to change at all, Leave him as soon as possible!

Laurie - posted on 06/18/2013

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This unhealthy relationship with your husband will 100% shape your daughter's view on her relationship with men. It will teach her that slapping is normal, and more importantly, she will seek out men who degrade her rather than empower her. I know you know what you need to do...you need to leave him. If he is coming home and immediately picking on you, it may be something he feels he has the right to do. And he does NOT. You need to leave this situation immediately. I'm not telling you to get a divorce (that's what I would do) and if you want to work on your relationship you should be apart to do so. Remove yourself and your daughter from the toxic environment. If he isn't willing to work on your relationship, he never will be. You deserve more.

I was a sex crimes and child crimes detective for a long time. I personally dealt with hundreds of battered women and children. I can tell you at some point, when hurting you isn't enough, he will seek out your daughter. It may not be tomorrow, but it will almost definitely happen if she becomes defiant. Aside from being a cop for many many years...I was the daughter of an alcoholic father who at times would get physical with my mother...I saw it maybe 4 times and it left a lasting and damaging impression on me. One that at age 36, I am in therapy for. You may think that your daughter will speak up if she is afraid, or tell someone if she can't take it anymore, but she won't. I have been her and I can tell you that she will hide her feelings for fear she will upset you or your husband. She will learn to be quiet as to not disturb the delicate balance of the household. She will feel alone and this will effect every ounce of her personal, professional, and emotional life. If not leave him for yourself...do it for your daughter. Because you may not think she is paying attention to the insults, but she is and is storing them in her head and heart like poison.

Please email me if you need to talk. Stay hopeful and get out of there. Laurie

Monica - posted on 06/16/2013

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my mother used to say misery loves company. the point is either your husband is an unhappy person or he thinks he can take how he is feeling out on you. I was in an abusive relationship, it only gets worse if they are not willing to get help and do what they need to do, but they need to do this on their own.
if you allow him to continue, he will think it is ok to do this and slapping you in front of your daughter is not good for her or for you. you don't want her growing up thinking it is ok for a man to hit a woman, thinking that is love. it is far from it. you don't want your daughter thinking it is ok for her father to hit her mother. you should call the police and file charges against him. he may need psychological or psychiatric help but don't tell him that or he may get angry with you and take it out on you again. once a man hits a woman there is usually no going back. start saving money on your own, but don't tell him. if you can seek legal help to find out what your rights are, but again don't tell him.
after what some of the other women wrote, you should get out.

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David - posted on 12/26/2014

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OK ... there are separate issues here

FIRST ... is the issue of your husbands character, demeanor, attitudes, behavior.
Simply put, you need to dumb the asshole.

SECOND .... you need to dispassionately reflect as to whether or not there is any truth in his complaints about your life, life management, activities, etc

THIRD .... you need to realize that by staying and tolerating such a relationship and behavior you are abusing your daughter and allowing your husband to abuse her and teaching her that such a relationship and behaviors are acceptable - BAD IDEA

FORTH .... you need to realize that maybe men in general and your husband in particular do not value a perfectly clean home nearly as much as they value other things, such as an athletic spouse, interesting conversation based on projects or passions or accomplishments, or other things to share or do. You expect to be valued for that you are doing, but what if what you are doing has no value to your spouse? eh? It is what YOU think has value, but not everyone values the same things ...

FIFTH .... ARE you fat and lazy ? Can you run 5 miles or swim 5 miles ? Can you do 200 situps ? if not, why not ? Maybe you are fat and lazy physicslly ... so fix it ... not for him but for your own health and future ... if that is the case ... get fit, take pride in your own life and existence ... FOR YOURSELF ... not for anyone else.

SIXTH .... people who DO THINGS and have PASSIONS to ideas, visions, projects, ... a worthy LIFE MISSION ... that is DECLARED and SHARED ... excite and inspire others ...folks who sit about without such passionate activities or commitments ... are well ... boring ... and soon lose joy and pride in themselves ... and become frustrating to others to be around ... FIND YOUR LIFE MISSION AND PASSIONS and then get busy making yourself a more valuable person to yourself and to humanity .... and your daughter .... go back to school and get a Ph.D. .... and MD ... start a social movement to right a wrong ... DO SOMETHING WORTHY ... and I promise you ... if you do so, you can find a man of character .... not another asshole like your husband ...

If you think of yourself as a house-keeper and sex partner ... I have bad news for you ... any man with any character and education can find all the sex he wants ... and can hire a housekeeper for cheap ....

You need to have greater value than that if you want to have a good relationship, love, marriage ....

Ask yourself ... WHAT DO I BRING TO THE PARTY / MARRIAGE ?

No matter what dump your current asshole husband

But reflect seriously on how you got where you are and on making some changes so it never repeats ....

BECOME A WORTHY PERSON
Find a worthy mate then ...

FIRST ... find yourself and spend some time "becoming all you can be"

Carpe Diem !!!

David - posted on 12/26/2014

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt


STOP CONSENTING TO BE INFERIOR

Cheron - posted on 03/25/2014

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I heard on a show I was watching that, the best way to loose it power is by believing u don't have any. Take your power back, get urself 2gether, believe n urself.

Pam - posted on 03/25/2014

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Problem 1: He is escalating That is he is getting more dangerous. If he thinks he is losing control, he could escalate much more rapidly. In fact, a married woman living with her abuser is generally safer than a married woman who has left her abuser in the last year.
Second: Don't count on domestic violence meaning the abuser won't get custody and will have to pay child support. In fact, because of no-fault divorce, DOCUMENTED PRE-separation DV (which she doesn't have in this case) is brought up only about 30% of the time in divorce cases (judges and lawyers think it makes things too messy, and then there is the whole he said, she said mentality) Check your own state laws on what training in recognizing Domestic Violence court officers (judges and Guardian ad Litem and CASA advocates) have...and then check if it's about how to recognize a traumatized child or is it how to recognize if it's a poor put upon manipulative lying batterer or a traumatized scared angry abuse victim. (Quick answer: Court officers who make the custody decisions in DV cases are not trained to recognize it and get it wrong more than half the time...)
Here's a doozy: 70-93% of adjudicated custody cases involving domestic violence-MEN get full or joint physical custody AND in 1/3 of cases Mothers get no visitation or minimal supervised visitation..

Pam - posted on 03/25/2014

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US and Canada Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233
If you are in the UK 0808 2000 247
Most states and some local areas also have hotlines.

Talk to someone. They will listen. They will help you figure out what to do. It doesn't matter if you choose to stay or choose to go, they will listen and they will try to help you decide what is right for you.

Here's s couple of things for you to know....He hasn't "just" gotten abusive. Yes, he was charming when you met and that's why you married him. Abusers are usually the most charming guy in the room, in public. BUT He has been running you down and trying to make it your fault for a long time. That's emotional abuse. and it can be worse than actually getting hit. But now he has hit you. He is escalating. And just picking up and leaving isn't a great idea either.
You need to have a trained DV advocate help you make as much sense out of the situation and your options as possible.
I won't say go. I won't say stay.
You have to talk to someone who gets it.
Call the hotline. Now.

Kati - posted on 02/16/2014

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D-I-V-O-R-C-E! To some it is a dirty word, but as a child of divorced parents who at one time were both in abusive relationships, for some it is the only answer. If he can slap you in from of your own children, then who knows what else he is capable of. It does not matter what you did or didn't do. It does not matter if you have to move out of a mansion into a one bedroom flat with your babies. ANY sacrafice is worth it to not let your children grow up in that. They see more than you know. It effects them. NEVER "stay together for the kids". Trust me, I was much happier as a child living with a working mother, and living on food stamps than i ever would have been as a child in a nice big house watching family members hurt eachother (my mother left when I was only months old because of abuse). It made both of my parents better for it. You can do it. You are strong. Nothing, no marriage, no person, nothing, nothing, nothing is worth that. It is not just physical, it is mental. You are a person, not a thing. Not a whipping boy. Not a punching bag, verbal or otherwise. There are state services to help out women in your situation, no matter where you live. Stay strong. Prepare for the storm, but you will come out stronger on the other end.

Stacey - posted on 02/04/2014

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A man that does not appreciate what he has, is a man that believes he has better conquests in line, just waiting for him. In his mind he is convinced that he's only settling for you and when you look like you're honestly about to leave him. Reality hits him and he will honestly be sorry after what he's done to you, but if you forgive him, it will only reinforce what he believes about you further. There is no fixing him because it is not his fault. Where he is concerned you are the problem and he is done trying to fix you, so now he'll just beat you because again he thinks he's doing you a favor just by sticking with you. My advice to you is to show your daughter how to be a strong woman, and to show that fool that you're better off without him. Believe me I've been the abuser and I've been abused and it will only get worst.

Cinderella - posted on 01/26/2014

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WAIT A MINUTE! He slapped you??????? NO NO NO NO, you need to leave him immediately. Ladies, we do not take violence from men! One slap, and I'm out the for, see ya in court! Move out, move on, get child support.
I don't know what advice these women are giving, you need to get out before things get really violent, watched the news lately?

HONESTLY? He's probably seeing someone else, he seems unappreciative, irritated by you, you need to stop taking the abuse right this second.
Next time he leaves town pack your bags, and get out.

Leave a note telling him you are not going to stay and take this abuse, do not tell him where you are going, you need to leave, and take some time to think about what has happened to you.

Sherika - posted on 01/26/2014

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Stop crying....your husband is preying on your weaknesses. You would think that the man you married would be your bestfriend but it doesnt always happen that way. Read Proverbs for strength. Learn to love yourself. When you love yourself it will shine all over you and a person will think twice before treating you the way your husband does. Love your daughter enough to show her what she should do if a man ever put her in the shoes you wear now. We buy new shoes all the time and trust me my dear you will get new shoes. Dont regret wearing these too long. In the meantime, find out is he cheating on you. How??? Well, if you ever get hold to his phone download a spy app. I use spytomobile. It records all activity on his phone. All text and calls. There is also a gps system that shows his direct location. But be sure to follow the directions carefully. That way he wont have a clue..all you have to do is pull it up on your phone or a computer. If not that, use his money to find someone to spy on him. When you get your proof, take him to court and sue him for ailmony. Dont stand around and be treated that way. Do something for yourself and stop trying to please him. I love you woman. You are a treasure and deserve to be treated as such and so does your daughter.

Shirley - posted on 01/25/2014

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My heart goes out to you and your daughter . You are on a abusive relationship and its only going to get worst. You have to make a decision weather to stay and be very unhappy and your daughter seeing you cry and been slap by her dad. She will need help . It's only shoeing her how men should treat and respect her and think its okay . It seems to me whenever he comes home he cannot stand to see you because may be just maybe he had someone else when he is away and been satisfied bh that person. Take care of yourself and your daughter . Don't ask him if he Is seeing some else because that will give him excuse to hit you and get more angry. Be very wise and make your plan. Check out everything . You deserve better than that and if he truly loves you he would not treat you like that. Love yourself first then him. Check out his where about. Start walking in the days that will help you lose weight and feel good about yourself . Eat well stay away from sweet and junk food. Drink lots if water, pray alot and The Lord will help you to take Care of yourself.

Pamela - posted on 01/16/2014

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I have to say unfortunately, I'm in the same boat as you. The only difference is the abuser is my boyfriend. He abuses me in front of our 3-month old son - usually while I am breastfeeding him because he knows I can't just get up and walk away from him. He is also a very controlling man. I gave up a 20-year career to give him this baby which I mostly paid for (IVF). Then again, I've paid for everything else after (all the baby gear, diapers, wipes, medical bills and vitamins). He does not contribute any money towards our son. I own my own home but I feel like a prisoner here - and I may end up losing my house because I don't have enough money anymore to pay the mortgage. My boyfriend is very controlling and constantly threatens me he is going to spend his money to hire a good attorney to take our son away from me (all the paperwork I have states our son lives with me). My boyfriend made me give up all my other children for him and like a fool - I did. Now I'm ordered to pay over $1400 in child support per month and I'm not even working. Abuse affects everything and can ruin your life and your kid's lives. You need to leave this abuser - at some point, I will leave mine too. Have a plan - do your homework. You will be in my prayers.

Frenulum - posted on 01/14/2014

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1. Report him to the police. You hold all the cards.

2. Pick your daughter up by the feet and hit him on the head like a baseball bat.

Betty - posted on 01/13/2014

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Get a restraining order and KICK HIM OUT!! Why should you leave your home when he's being abusive! Divorce him! People don't change when they claim they are sorry...they just wait awhile and waste your time until another day when they believe they have the right to become abusive again. Ask for maitainence and child support as it is your right and your child's right. It is depressing to realize what a mistake in judgment about the man you married who you believed loved you. He absolutely does not love you! People who love each other provide protection, safety, compassion, emotional support, friendship, and maintain the welfare of their family through the purchase and making of food, clothing, and other household necessities as well as keeping the home and clothing clean. Marriage is not one sided. It will not set an example for your daughter if she sees that the right way a marriage works is that the man has TOTAL CONTROL and is ALLOWED to be abusive whether it is physical or verbal. She will grow up and choose a similar type of husband because it is the only thing she is learning. YOU need to take steps to prevent that! If you can't get a restraining order then you and your daughter should leave at once and stay with a relative, friend, or a women's shelter. If there is a hotline for your city on abuse...call it. Press assault charges on your so called husband and go through with it and don't drop those charges!!! If you are afraid of him then go somewhere where he cannot find you or your daughter...Get help with the local resources if there are any. Check with HUD for housing if you need to and get on their list for housing. Check out welfare if you need to but get HIM OUT OF YOUR LIVES! This is not the time to allow pride to stand in the way of your safety and/or your daughter's. Hope this helps! Been there and know it is not easy!!! Good Luck!

Refilwe - posted on 01/12/2014

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Hi my dear sister,

Just pray to God to give you strength and courage (read Luke 10:19). What your husband is Satan plan to bring you down and know that what good work you are doing even wgen your husband doesn't see it God sees it. Tell God about what your husband is doing and Him to change your husband.

Be strong that nothing will disturb your peace of mind. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. God does listen and answer. Stay blessed.

Vicky - posted on 01/12/2014

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sweetheart get out of there. You don't need to put up with that and your daughter doesn't need to see it. If you cant do it for you then do it for her. I have lived through an abusive husband, I think verbal abuse is harder to take as it wears you down to the point where you no longer believe in your self. You are stronger than you think and your daughter deserves to see you as such. good luck

John Duffy - posted on 01/06/2014

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Your husband is a bully, a coward, a dirtbag and worthless piece of trash, also your husband calls you fat, let me tell you something, your husband has a VERY FAT problem, your husband slapped you in the face in front of your daughter, second, you said your husband stays out of town most of the time, madam, that is a red flag, he might be cheating on you as well, you need to kick your scumbag husband to the curb and as for your daughter, you need to protect her right now!

Kanitha Renae - posted on 01/06/2014

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I know where you are. I left an selfish dirtbag just like that less than a week ago. 4yrs, and girl... it just takes a little bit of longing for something better. your poor baby girl will ultimately suffer the longer she sees you like this. she cries for you, but you won't see, cause she wants to be strong for you. she will stress at school and lose focus sometimes, and go in another room to hide her tears cause she can't make it better. she sees you coping , telling her subconscious, a woman must just deal with it.... fast forward twenty years, and you drop by unannounced only to hear her husbanbutd telling her how lazy she has been lately, that he works his a#& off all day to come home to a stupid f^%*king bi%#h who appreciates nothing. he opens the door, pushes past you, and when you look at your daughters bruised arm, reddened face, and tear soaked shirt, ask yourself this: would you do anything to take away her pain, give her strength to get out and move on? of course you would. now, rewind back to now.... in order to raise a strong woman she has to see strength in you. she has to be told, and shown that it's NOT OKAY to be treated like anything but a princess. she'll always love dad, don't ever try to change that. but he sees you as his possession. he probably has a good roll in the hay with whoever, cause he doesn't worry bout you going any place any way. he "flips the script" on you because if you're constantly thinking about what you did wrong, then his guilty ass can keep on keeping on. that's a shallow, selfish, vain individual who probably grew up seeing the same thing your little girl is witnessing now. you gotta quit feeling sorry for yourself. your girlfriends are tired of your same ol sob stories no matter what they say. when you realize that you have one person that truly cares besides immediate family, the better off you'll be. oh, and no matter what you think, blood IS ALWAYS thicker than water. no matter how mean a man he is, mama and daddy will backdoor you, lie, steal, and cheat for they're boy, you better believe that.i know you are depressed and scared. but sometimes you gotta get under someone else to get over someone mean. vows, marriage, all that, blah,blah,blah..... he broke the vows a long time ago. screw what other people think. haters are gonna hate, and hate no matter what you decide to do. screw them. get your tan on, eyebrows waxed, hair did, and nails too. buy you some sexy matching underthings that he can't see cause it's not his. then, you will slowly get confidence and then when you get looks from men that pass you by, you'll remember what it means to be desired again. girl, you have been neglected on so many levels. why rob yourself of one of the best things in life. why let your baby girl know see true love as a fairytale instead of something you choose for yourself? you can replace material things. you work at home while he is away. so make a savings account he can't touch. keep deposit slips in a box buried in the backyard if need be. put what you can back if its only 5 bucks per paycheck, it'll add up. reach out for any free assistance, cause it is out there, just not advertised. unless the home is your families, let it go. his memory will never leave, and you need to start over with new memories. quit thinking about any good you guys had once, that's over!! he doesn't love you, obviously and that's his loss, he will feel regret in time, and then you can forgive him without looking back, just wishing him the best, and not giving him another moment of your precious time. life must give us bad so that we can truly appreciate the good when we get it. one day I hope you see that and see that it may have hurt but it was worth it. because when you become strong enough, life can begin for you as the meaningful and beautiful thing that creation meant for it to be. to let it pass by wanting the change to come to you is selfish, and I say that cause I have been selfish too until now. forget the mean man who doesn't love you. it's time you start loving you. it truly is beautiful to be a victim. embrace the pain knowing how much you can now understand true love when it comes your way. and it will come your way. take it one day at a time. starting today.for her and for you. I hope the best for you. I know you don't know me personally, but I do know your pain. I truly hope ive given you some advice that can help you wipe away the tears. clarity will find you if you open your mind and let it consume your heart. good luck on your path to happiness.- Kanitha Mabry, 32

Javan - posted on 12/28/2013

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HE IS CHEATING BABY. A LOW DOWN CHEATING DOG! HE HIT YOU BECAUSE YOU AIN'T HER! You don't have to take the bad treatment! What you got do is pull yourself together and figure out what you gone do about it. Because one day he might up and leave you and the children

Paulineg - posted on 12/26/2013

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NEVER DEFEND AN ABUSIVE MAN,,, KIDS OR NO KIDS WHEN IS BAD IT,S USELESS,,,my friend was in the same situation, she use to support those shit coz she was in a foreign country with no family around, she sufferd thought he was gonna change but it,s like it was in is blood. she end up leaving the bustard, she had 2 kids with him, and now my friend has a good job and the kids are doing just fine.. so my dear please stop abusing urself with that man did u sign a contract or what??? u re better off without him.. as the say IS BETTER TO STAY SINGLE THEN TO HAVE A BAD PARTNER.. Keep well and make a decision

Paulineg - posted on 12/26/2013

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NEVER TRY TO DEFEND AN ABUSIVE MAN.... KIDS OR NO KIDS WHEN IS BAD IS USELESS,, my friend was in the same situation but she was in a foreign country, she use to support those shit because she had no family around but she end up leaving the bustard..she had 2 kids n now she has a good job n the kids are doing just fine..as the say IS BETTER TO STAY SINGLE THEN TO HAVE A BAD PARTNER..

Vanessa - posted on 12/24/2013

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That is seriously a bad situation for both mother and daughter it's best you get out of it before your daughter gets any older

Chana - posted on 12/18/2013

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First let me commend Larry for raising is daughter on his own and I am sorry for your lose. I agree that there is nothing wrong with a playful slap on the butt or lovingly teasing. My husband teases me all the time but that is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. But you are right no one, man, woman, or child, should ever think that abuse is normal because regardless of how you try to justify it it is still wrong. God Bless Larry you are doing a great thing!

Larry - posted on 12/17/2013

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A playful slap on the butt is fine but a slap on the face is not OK. My wife died of cancer so I'm raising my daughter on my own. I don't want her to ever think that abuse is normal. Admittedly I have patted her on the butt and said go and do your homework.

Chana - posted on 12/17/2013

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God Bless all of you that are or have been in abusive relationships. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who would never abuse me or our children. The only thing I can say is that no one deserves to be abused, physically or emotionally, so for the sake of you and your daughter you need to get out before it gets worse. Your family will support you even if you think they won't all you need to do is ask. God Bless you and your daughter.

Rivka - posted on 12/15/2013

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The first thing you gotta do is get counseling. A life coach, group therapy and support. something.
You got to build yourself esteem up and re-evaluate your value system about marriage and family. Could be you value system is a good one but his value system is not yours.
You said your child was watching. So get out there and show her your strength.
Look at how many people are here giving you help.
In coaching you learn to set your goals.
You could offer to your husband couple counselling. Just to see if he is willing to be part of the marriage.
My sister, she is so smart. a lawyer that passed the bar in three continents.
She had the same problem. She ran away to relatives and he promised that he will behave. They separated and they got along. Got together again and he controlled her personal life just so that they had to file for chapter 11, then he tried to commit suicide with the children.
Today they are divorced - thank G-D. He does not show up to his visits.
I have another friend that got divorced from her husband because he caused her to lose her baby. She is an amazing jazz singer and pianist. She chose to not marry again. Has 3 children without a husband. The father can visit but has no legal obligations.
So each person finds a solution that is good for them.
Every relationship has disagreements, But that is what they are. not more. It means that the belief system is the same with mutual adjustments that get to be discussed and agreed mutually appon. So that the relationship can grow on together through life.
The way you deal with this is how your children will deal with it.
There is no room for any kind of violence psychological or physical.
Good Luck,
Rivka

Briana - posted on 12/11/2013

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I am so happy that a male said what I really didn't wanna say...but that's real and to come from a male...so you really should take heed. "lovely"

Briana - posted on 12/11/2013

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Well to be honest love he may b doing alittle more than hanging out and were he's hanging at makes him uncomfortable.....him putting his hands on you always the 1st sign of unhappiness. ..but it can turn around.....try this and get back to me...whatever it is he complains about do that specifically:).if he st I ll complains tell his ass to do the way he want it.....ackowledge that his slack and non appreciativness is A downfall and make u feel that doing or not doing is gonna pointless. ...because its always the same outcome .....tell him which rolls with you..(LOL THAT'S A SIGHT TO C HUH)

Larry - posted on 12/08/2013

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Prepare to leave and divorce is my advise. No man aka father is worth it. I am a single parent father and I know that you need to get out of there. There are lots of single parent resources available. I am a man and know that no real man in his right mind would ever disrespect his children. This may sound crazy but there is no site like this for fathers. I'm raising a 10 year old daughter on my own and I don't have a clue. The one thing I do know is don't rely on the cops to help you..

Claire - posted on 12/03/2013

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Been in your position stayed for 10 years not realising it would affect the kids in the same room or not they know my son suffers now from the abuse he saw and heard and it's 10 years later still affects his life don't put your daughter through that honestly it's hell GET OUT you deserve better no one deserves to be treat like that take care xxxx

Amanda - posted on 11/29/2013

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You should just leave now. Don't waste your time on him. Don't let your daughter think it's ok for a man to slap a woman in the face! Get everything prepared and leave him. He's just disrepectful!

LadyRica - posted on 11/27/2013

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angelic.... i am not happy that her husband hit her and also in the presence of her daughter.my advice to lovely... if you truly love your husband sit him down and ask him what is your offence that he complains alot about you,try fix what he has been complaining about and then watch if he still complains and try to hit you.this is what i am trying to say that angelic got it wrong
dear angelic have you heard from her husband....you just pass out judgement,maybe both started exchanging words which led to the slap?words are powerful it can built and destroy.she said her husband stays out of town most of the time, is it for work purposes or leisure.

angelic you said the man has some control issues?do you know him?i cant say that statement to someone i dont know,has he controlled you?you said the problem is not her but her husband...do you know her?has she been your friend?have you live with her?
if truly we want to give a real verdict we will hear from she and her husband and also their daughter...

you are the one in the same boat and obviously doing nothing because your words already speaks you have been there...from your words i think you are too quick to flare up like you are always right(mrs right) how can you just pass judgement like you are God as if you have lived with her.....ok turn the table around it was the man who said his wife just slapped him in front of their daughter?what will you say?

you don't know maybe right now they have reconciled and happy again...
and i do not wish or desire you see good or bad in my post....i am only giving an advice and she is not under any obligation or compulsion to adher to it..its a choice..

have a nice day angelic

LadyRica - posted on 11/27/2013

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angelic........we are not living with them.i have only made the statement based on what she said and i don't know if he has been slapping her,she just said(my husband just slapped me right now and also comments her husband always say).we have not heard from her husband and so i cant pass judgement.i am not God.and point of correction i am not in the same boat we are in maybe you are the one in the boat because who have a sharp tongue.you dont know me and already making silly statements.you said you are tired of women that allow them selves to live like this and always try to make it better believing something is wrong with them.
i cant condemn a man only becos of what i was told hid did,i dont live with them,all i can say is for her to find solution and sit her husband down and know whats wrong.she never said he has been hitting her but always calling her fat and then hit her. you sound as if you live with them lollllllll please angelic like your name just go and live with them for some months or a year then come back with your report. i dont know if she was just sitting on a chair and the husband just slapped her and i dont know if she lashed back at her husband with annoying word when her husband feels his word was a joke and he hit her?

LadyRica - posted on 11/27/2013

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angelic........we are not living with them.i have only made the statement based on what she said and i don't know if he has been slapping her,she just said(my husband just slapped me right now and also comments her husband always say).we have not heard from her husband and so i cant pass judgement.i am not God.and point of correction i am not in the same boat we are in maybe you are the one in the boat because who have a sharp tongue.you dont know me and already making silly statements.you said you are tired of women that allow them selves to live like this and always try to make it better believing something is wrong with them.
i cant condemn a man only becos of what i was told hid did,i dont live with them,all i can say is for her to find solution and sit her husband down and know whats wrong.she never said he has been hitting her but always calling her fat and then hit her. you sound as if you live with them lollllllll please angelic like your name just go and live with them for some months or a year then come back with your report. i dont know if she was just sitting on a chair and the husband just slapped her and i dont know if she lashed back at her husband with annoying word when her husband feels his word was a joke and he hit her?

Angelic - posted on 11/26/2013

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OMG!
Are you seriously giving this lady the advise you just did? You must be in the same boat and doing absolutely nothing about it.
This man obviously has some control issues. Him hitting her is not about what she is or not doing, how beautiful or not she is making herself when he arrives home or how fat or thin she is. THIS IS ABOUT HIM AND ONLY HIM!
I'm tired of women that allow them selves to live like this and always try to make it better believing something is wrong with them.
The problem is not her, it is her husband. If he has never hit her before and this is something knew, then she needs to look at what is different about him. She said he works out of town a lot.... Well, maybe he started and affair, maybe he hasn't and wishes he could or maybe he just wants to be single and does not want to be the bad guy that walks away. Either way, something has changed in him.
About the only thing I seen good about your post was for her to get a job.
@ Lovely..... You may be afraid of how hard leaving this man would be and trust me, I'm always the person that says anything can be worked through in a marriage with the exception of being mentally, physically abused or drugs. That is something that is inexcusable ( and for a guys prospective, my husband agrees.) It is especially hard when you are a housewife and not working outside your home and everyone's situation is different. How you change your situation may be different from someone else's way.
What I can tell you if you stay or not....You need to remember one thing. Children, contrary to what others may think.... Are a product of their environment and take what they have learned and apply it to their own lives as they grow. If you allow this man to hit you, chances are your daughter will allow a man to hit her. ( her reply to you when she is older will be--- Leave me alone mom, stay out of it.... Dad hit you and you stayed)
Very sad situation but how you change it is up to you and always remember, Its not you with the problem, Its him.

LadyRica - posted on 11/25/2013

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hi, do not worry God is in control and i think you need to take measures.there may be many reasons why he slapped you but why should he slap you and again in the presence of your daughter! if he can stand so low to do such a thing,its bad.
i would advice you look for a job even if is free you have to work for someone.it seems to him doing chores is not a job.then again try to be that sexy woman he ones got married to,even when he comes home let him see you wearing and looking beautiful with make up on and your hair neatly arranged. in fact wear your high heel shoe on,even if you are fat doesn't mean you cant look beautiful for example look at Adele the artiste,her former hubby dumped her becos she was fat not knowing inside the fat was a beautiful talented singer and also beyonce was cheated on many times by her former boyfriend becos he just saw a home girl not knowing the home girl will be a star.
i would advice you go for fitness class even though its 10mins,try your best becos i know your kid and husband need your attention.i tell you when your husband sees that you are going for fitness and the way you are dressed up and looking so happy and beautiful with confident he will understand better.
plsssss dont ever you cry in his presence because he makes silly statement instead laughhhhhhh, laughing works because he will either start laughing with you or begin to wonder......
NOTICE: let your tears be to God for help and strength

i also think maybe your husband is been ridiculed by his friends either close friends or colleagues that his wife is just fat and does nothing. seriously communication is needed in marriage if a man don't like the way the wife is whether fat or thin you tell her kindly by suggesting solutions either personal exercise or get a trainer. there was a story about a man whose wife knows nothing about cooking and becos of that he was planning to divorce her becos he loves eating,many of his friends said divorce her what kind of a woman that would know nothing about cooking but it was another good friend who advice him to enroll his wife into cooking school and he heeded to that advice and enroll her into a cooking school now quess what? they are all happy together and living happily married and now he hasssss so much to eat that he doesnt want to eat to muchhhh, lolllllll and is soooo much grateful to God for using his friend to tell him the right thing to do.
don't yell back at your husband becos he calls you fat and idle just say thanks for the compliments,i am sure going to do something about this positively and i would need your help.i need to attend a fitness school...pls find a fitness school for me or a trainer and see his facial expression.and be serious about it. he is acting this way becos the young beautiful woman he got married to is changing in size maybe too much.men are attracted by what they see....and when he come back from home let him see the house as a romantic home with a beautiful wife well dressed and your daughter well dress expecting daddy home for a lovely dinner.
i tell you he will so regret slapping you,apologising again and again and how to make it up with you and your daughter
be strong and firm to your husband and i do not mean to be mean to him but rather romantically strong and firm.
God will help you as you plan positively to help you and your family in Jesus name.Amen....

Mmantwa - posted on 11/24/2013

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he does not deserve you never be ashamed you are a good wife he is a looser he must go and find a wife who is not fat then he will be misereble

Leela - posted on 11/23/2013

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So heres some tough love.Your husband is HITTING you, worse yet in front of your daughter. Is this the behavior you want her to role model??? Instead of the pity party I just read, get up and do something for the both of you. Complaining to a bunch of strangers won't get you and your daughter out of that situation. Clear your head and start looking for ways to get help. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I watched my mom go through the same thing. Took me years to get over. If you can't love yourself enough to leave, then do it for her.

Chris - posted on 10/02/2013

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Is this the first time? Do you love your husband, but can't stand his behavior? I could say "Leave! Get out now!" but in reality, I understand that there are a variety of reasons why someone could not do that in the immediate future. Stop expecting praise from your husband, and believing it's your "duty" to do everything. Take back your emotions, and don't allow him to push your buttons or belittle you. You have given him a lot of power emotionally if you are looking for your sole happiness only from him, and looking for affirmation of praise from him. When you allow others to define "who" you are, and "how" you should be, you lose your sense of self, and hand over emotional power to those that want to control you, or the situation. You have to get it from you first. And, you have to be strong for your children. Reserve your emotional energy for your children. Separate your emotions from him to gather your strength, and know that you are doing the best job you can do.

Physical abuse is completely unacceptable. You need to set the limits and boundaries with your husband so he understands that he cannot do that. And then, you need to make the decision as to whether this is a relationship you want to salvage, and an environment you want your children raised in. If not, then start planning in advance. Do you have access to funds that you can start saving separately? Can you start therapy or counseling in your area to help you get strong emotionally? Look towards your family, church or community resources to assist you. But, the first step before you do anything is to take back your sense of self and emotional power, because you are a separate person from your husband, and you are entitled to a life free from physical and emotional abuse.

Jess - posted on 09/24/2013

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Get rid of him asap! He is committing abuse, both physical and emotional! U don't need him, ur better off without him. A real man should never hit a woman and this is the example ur. Setting for ur child that this is ok to treat woman like this! Please get out of this toxic relationship!!! Xx

Sarah - posted on 09/17/2013

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I think most people do not understand or know exactly what a stay at home mom does during the day.
Personally, i think you need to get out of the marriage. Nobody should EVER put a hand on you, neither alone nor in front of your child.
Youre husband sounds like an abusive man. Sounds to be emotional, psychological, and now physically. Because of my past...im telling you, get out now before it gets worse, or its too late.
There are many resources for you to obtain help no matter where you at. I wish you well.

Lena - posted on 09/16/2013

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Unless you want your daughter to end up with a man that treats her like shit, you need to leave. That is unacceptable behavior. I hope you get the help you need before its too late.

Amber - posted on 09/15/2013

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When you allow such pain in your life your precious daughter sees that and will think its okay if she's treated the same way or she can treat people that way. You deserve to have so much than that.

Alisa - posted on 09/15/2013

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your story makes me cry. your husband seems to take advantage of you, and you allow it. both of you are teaching your daughter how to live by example. you know you are good, you are beautiful, you are a good mom, wife, etc etc...why let someone convince you otherwise? why defend yourself of something untrue.

it may be easier said than done, but you must dig in your heals and find your happy/productive place in life and live it. anyone slapping anyone else's face is never ok, especially in the circumstance you describe.

MELIEMU BOSE - posted on 09/13/2013

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My advice to you is to discuss with him and call his best friend or relations to discuss with him. If he does not stop, you can leave him. Do not tell him you want to leave, run for your dear life. I wish you luck.

Rachel - posted on 09/11/2013

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My only advice is to leave. No man should ever hit his wife. No man should ever put down his wife.
Your daughter is going to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to hit her because she sees him doing it to you.

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