My little girl is almost 2 and im dreading nursery

Lisawatson1 - posted on 10/27/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I love my little girl so much that the thought of leaving her with strangers at nursery is so upsetting to me, im worried she may not get on with other children although she plays well with my sisters kids, but shes more for playing with boys than girls, i hope she will enjoy it and i hope i'll cope :/

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Katie - posted on 11/07/2013

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This is a really interesting conversation. I have a 2 year old girl who I feel under pressure to put in daycare part time to 'socialize' her. Mind you, there is nothing anti-social about this child. She is well within the normal range for all of her development milestones and plays just fine alongside other children at playgroup, toddler gym, park etc., so why does almost everyone I talk to tell me that I need to 'cut the cord' by leaving her in a group care setting?

I've come to the conclusion that there are a combination of factors that make group care such a popular phenomenon within the SAHM community. First, there are children who do actually enjoy and benefit from this type of care. They have outgoing personalities and love the structure and activities of group care, and perhaps even sense of adventure that they can get from being away from mom for a while.

Second, there are moms who NEED the time away from their kids. Some children have such intense personalities that they drive their parents mad if they are together 24/7. If the parents can afford it, it is in everyone's best interests for the kid to go to daycare a day or two a week.

Third, there is real pressure from the working mom community for us to accept that daycare is actually a very positive experience for children. In my mind these moms have no choice but to believe that their kids are benefiting from daycare because they either can't stop working, or they want to work so badly that they they need to believe that they are giving their child an advantage by being in group care. Most of these kids are probably doing just fine, I'm just skeptical that they are gaining any benefit above and beyond what a child staying with mom all day is.

The problem for me is that I don't fit into any of these groups. My DD doesn't enjoy group care, I don't feel that I need the time away from her, and I don't need to work. But yet I still feel the pressure to put her in daycare under the assumption that it will be good for her.

We tried daycare for a few weeks and I was made to feel like a complete failure for not 'sticking it out' and forcing her to 'work through' all of the negative feelings she had about being at the daycare center. I should mention that she doesn't have separation anxiety - she is quite happy to stay with dad, grandma or a baby sitter she knows.

So, to the OP I would say this: If you don't need to use group care and you don't want to use it, then don't. Take your kid to library story time, toddler gym, play group, the pool, the playground etc. Give her plenty of opportunities to interact with other kids of a range of ages and don't worry about her social skills unless you see red flags of anti-social behavior. Soon enough she will be in elementary school and she will have all of the 'socializing' time she could ever dream of.

Lisawatson1 - posted on 11/03/2013

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Hi Stacy, I thought I was the only one that felt this way and over thinks everything, my childhood was good and my upbringing with both parents together throughout so i'm not sure why im so scared of letting my daughter out of my sight, ive another 2 yrs or so with her before i have to consider putting her in nursery, she goes to parks and talks jibberish with passing kids but when she plays with my nephews she quite rough but if my neices try to play with her shes reserved and pushes them away until shes ready to interact. Im a single stay at home mum but i live with my parents and younger sister so shes alot of people to interact with so she hasnt got just me all the time, shes very bubbly and funny i guess it upsets me to think of her being bullied as my sisters kids are going through that with theirs at the moment, but i guess you've just got to take everything in your stride and deal with things as and when they happen.

[deleted account]

I understand your fear. I cried the first time I left my toddler at the YmcA nursery for a work out. I heard him screaming, "momma" all the way down the hall. The ladies running the nursery had to coax me away. The first 3 visits, as I was working out, the ladies would come to get me b/c he had become so distraught, he vomited. 3 TIMES!!!
We've worked through it though its still very hard on me. I use this nursery as a springboard for both myself and him for future "school".
Obviously, they need to learn social interaction. But im his mother. We are unable to have more children. I overcame cancer. He will be in school, God willing,
for the next quarter of his life. I'm so glad I read this post. Thanks Jamie, I'm keeping it in perspective and letting go of judgement. :)

[deleted account]

Thank you Jamie. You are one in a few to resonate my good intentions. I feel that early years spent with your family are hugely beneficial. My husband and I saved for years so that I could be home with our son. Unfortunately, I have been judged and questioned regarding my 2 1/2 yr old, only child, not in daycare, so not being socialized. Keeps me up at night struggling with my heart.
Thank you for so eloquently stating a side in which I can relate.

[deleted account]

I appreciate your view of the daycare conundrum. I share your view that daycares were initially for parents who had no choice due to working.
I am a stay at home mom, I want to raise my only child. However, play dates with his best buddy, four months younger, who attends primrose 5 days a week, is without a doubt, progressive in speech and table manners. I am constantly on line trying to school myself the best way to teach him. He's 2 1/2. I obviously want every advantage for him but cannot stomach the fact that I can stay home with him yet am still advised to put him in daycare. I make sure he has at least 3 play dates a week. I also take him to all local parks to interact with other children. I hate feeling guilty that I'm doing wrong. I just want to cherish the time I have with him now,

[deleted account]

I'm with you. I'm so worried that caretakers will neglect him. I have a 2 1/2 yr old. He's ( according to me) (crazy mom) much more a hyper and exploratory toddler with super sensitivity. The thought of him being in some form of neglect , hurts my heart and triggers anxiety. I wish I could just trust. All my friends have their children in daycare. I never thought I'd be this neurotic mom. I can't fathom leaving him at some daycare all day. I'm not special. Better moms do it all the time. I, like you, would love to know how to accept it.

Lisawatson1 - posted on 10/31/2013

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Thank you all for your comments, it has helped me see things differently. I guess becasue shes my first and my only child im just protective. She gets on well with my sisters children, mainly the boys so she may be a tom boy lol but she goes quiet whenever shes near strangers or if strangers talk to her. I guess time will tell maybe this time next year ill be wanting her out for a few hours, but i love her and just think i over think everything! - xx

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2013

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To a degree Jamie is correct but many years ago there was also a bigger family network. The saying "it takes a villiage to raise a child" comes from when everyone helped to look after all the children in the family/villiage.
These days there isn't the support network let alone the social interaction that children used to get being in a large social group.
If you are regularly socializing with other children and adults and your child isn't scared to talk to others then she has a point. If you don't have a big social network or family then children do benefit from preschool and the social acpects of life.

Jaymenicholls - posted on 10/29/2013

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I have a different thought. Are you legally required to put her in nursery? Of not then ask yourself why you would be doing it.

I disagree that it is for the child's benefit. All those skills mentioned have been learned at home for eons before preschool became a popular commodity. And it is just that.

Try and find a homeschooling community, even online, and you will be much more confident about keeping your child with you at least for those preschool years. Even if you don't continue on to full-fledged homeschooling, you will see just how wonderful it is to have her home during that precious time.

Most parents put very little thought into this. If you were to hire a nanny, would you not want to know their history, work experience, discipline style & personality, etc? Why do we not interview teachers the same way?
These people are essentially taking over our roles as parents and we just let them!

Listen to your heart. Not out of fear, but out of intuition. Your heart is telling you something.
There is NO proof that this early 'schooling' is necessary or even helpful in the long run, other than to create an industry out of our youngest citizens and the fear parents have that their child will somehow 'miss out' on something.

Michelle - posted on 10/28/2013

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You have to think of it another way. Stop thinking about YOU and tell yourself that it's for HER. It teaches the children how to get along with others and social interaction. It's a very important skill to learn because for the rest of her life she will have to interact with others.
You would probably benefit from finding yourself a hobby or something to do while she's there. Keep yourself busy so you aren't worrying.

Lisawatson1 - posted on 10/28/2013

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She doesnt go to nursery until shes 3 but the thought of it is worrying me so actually taking her will be hard enough, im sure they will let me stay with her but what if they dont? and even if they do they'll not let me stay with her every day :/ i guess im just being over protective as shes my first and only one!

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