My mother-in-law keeps telling me to let my one-year old cry, but I can’t do that. Who is right and what can I do??



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Laura - posted on 12/09/2011




I don't like letting my babies cry either but sometimes you need to. I know if you continue to respond to crying they become accustomed to it and could cry more wanting your attention. Even though your MIL is trying to help, she should also know that you are the mother and will take any advice but not always use it.

Jenna - posted on 12/07/2011




I don't believe one way is right and the other is not. For some babies, crying it out is the only way to get them to learn to sleep on their own. For other babies, they don't have to go through that because they learn early on how to calmly go to sleep by themselves. You do what you feel is best for your baby.

However, if you keep complaining about how the baby won't go to sleep when you're around your mother-in-law, expect to hear advice you might not want.

That's one thing that irritates me--people who complain loudly about the same things over and over again but won't take any suggestions. Sometimes you just need to vent, I understand, but if you know what she'll say when you do, don't vent around her if you don't want to hear it.

Bonnie - posted on 12/07/2011




It's up to you. There is no right or wrong answer here. You are her mother, not your mother-in-law.

Joyi - posted on 12/07/2011




The doc told me to just let the baby cry - that sometimes the crying is a way for the baby to de-stress. He said that to let the baby cry up to 20 min or so and if the baby is still really crying, THEN start questioning the reason why, etc... maybe gas, or whatever. If the baby is maybe still whimpering, then let the baby finish soothing itself. My two never made it past 5 minutes or so (of the bawling type crying) unless they were somehow uncomfortable from illness or tummy cramps.

[deleted account]

You are the mother here, not her.

Crying decreases as a child learns other methods of communication. I don't give in to tantrums to stop the crying, but I wouldn't just ignore my baby either.

[deleted account]

Your the mother so what ever you feel is right is right. Your one year old still doesn't know how to communicate all that great so crying is kind of unavoidable. My one year old cries and its fine, my almost three year old still cries when she can't communicate clearly, she knows we are trying to hear what she is saying but sometimes its hard so some of the crying comes from frustration and that is also ok. Don't let anyone MIL or not try to tell how to parent, we all do it differently. :)

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