my partner wont help!!!

Cara - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )




my partner works full time mon-fri. he has never changed a dirty nappy, refuses to walk our 16m around the bloke in his pram cos he says its easier to drive. he hates changing our sons clothes n its always a big arguement if i ask him too. he says that i can do it better n quicker than him!! he wont do washing, dishes, take bins out, take rubbish out, put his clothes away, read a book to our son hates bathing him and the list goes on. when he gets home from work he's dinner is on the table then he lays on the couch till he goes to bed. am i being to critical or am i enabling him to do nothing..please help im going crazy=)


Rachel - posted on 05/10/2010




It sounds like this could be a couple different things....

a) He may be uncomfortable being around a baby. Babies are little, fragile, breakable. He may just be one of those guys that doesn't get too involved until the baby is a kid that can wrestle around and talk and hang out with. He may just need some time

b) He may be completely overworked and just in need of some time to rest when he gets home. Having a baby to provide for is way more stressful to him than changing a diaper or clothes is for you. He may need a little pampering and then he will return the favor!

c) It could be that there are deeper rooted issues which makes it hard for him to be there for you. Maybe y'all just need to talk with each other, and the answer could be a hard one, but remember to always be a supportive strong krutch for him and he will always be loyal and supportive to you as well.

Good luck, I hope you feel better about things


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Rachel - posted on 05/12/2010




sorry to say it ladies, but it seems that a lot of you need to realize the potential we all as women have. we ARE superheros!! we have the ability to multi task in ways that men would never understand. We have been bringing up babies for a millenia, men have been providing for a millenia, they only just recently started helping since we liberated ourselves starting burning bras saying we deserve more! by all means, I'm not saying we should go back to the cave, but if y'all can't handle the role of being a stay at home superstar, then maybe y'all should switch with your men, because I bet they'd happily take your place and have you go to work instead.

sorry if that's a little harsh, but just the way I see it

Veronique - posted on 05/12/2010




OMG! He sounds just like my husband. Right now i'm at home on mat leave but in July i will goignback to work and we have 2 daughters. When i had my first my husband said that when i eould go back to work that he would help. Well i went back and ended up doing all on my own. Then i got pregnant with my second and he's telling me now that when i go back he'll help me. Well needless to say i don't believe a thing he says now. This one you'll probably enjoy. The other day we were going shopping and the girls were dress all ready to go out the stollers were next to the door with the diaper bag he just walks by goes in the car and waits. So what did i have to do put both girls in there car seat put both stollers in the car and grab the diaper bag ( all in the rain by the way ) well once i got in the car i was so piss off i told him just forget about it i'm not going anywhere and grab my girls and went in the house. He ruined my day just by doing that. He's told me so many times that he'll change but it never changes so i just take care of the girls my self. Anyway sorry i can't help i'm in the same both as you.\
Good luck sweety

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2010




sounds like some things may be takin for granted for, your a mom and wife not a super hero! i think you need to state your point and get it all out on the table but make sure your recongnize that he does work and is tired but some things gotta change and try not to play the blame game he may get diffensive but understand where your coming from and how you feel! it took two of you to make a baby it should take two of you to raise one! good luck

Katrina - posted on 05/12/2010




WOW! I think maybe you should try not having dinner on the table for him everynight, dont make it easy for him. Motherhood can be stressful at time, he needs to get it together and put his share in. You didnt make that baby by yourself, he needs to be apart of his life to. If hes expecting you to do every single thing with that baby, than you should expect him to cook for himself, you can do everything, sounds like your kinda taking care of one baby and than man baby! My fiance, wouldnt last two days without what I do for him, and at the same time he also helps me with our daughter, so its okay that he expects dinner on the table. Becuase I know when dinner is done, dishes will be done for me as well, and than he takes our daughter out for a 45 min walk. Good luck

Amanda - posted on 05/12/2010




I totally feel you, my boyfriend has only changed our sons diaper once! Its heartbreaking it really is. We didn't make these babies on our own so why do we get stuck doing all the work? I love my son to death but it would be nice if his father helped me out a little more. For example, if hes home and I go for a shwoer, I have to take our son with me because he won't watch him for 15 minutes. Or I'm busy making bottles or folding laundry( which he doesn't help with at all ) and our son is hungry, he sits there until I get up and make him a bottle, I ask him to feed our son and he freaks out. And then when we fight he always says that I say he doesn't help me with anything but I don't I wish I did say it more often maybe he would help me. We live with his mom and she helps me more then he does, she didn't help me make this baby so why is it her responibility to help?

Rachel, her son is 16 months, you think he'd be comfortable around his own child now hes had plenty of time.

Louise - posted on 05/11/2010




This needs urgent addressing. The only way to make this man pull his weight is to plunge him in at the deep end. Make a hair appointment or something on Saturday and do not tell him. Then just drop into conversation 10 minutes before that you are going and leaving the baby behind with his dad. make sure the baby has been fed and is in a fresh nappy and then just leave. He will be forced to care for him. It sounds to me that there is no bond between father and son and the only way to sort this is to make the dad understand that his son is totally reliant on him. If you continue to do everything he will never bond with this child. Stop doing all the household chores and let the house get cluttered up he will soon realise that he is being selfish and just how much work you do. If you keep doing it for him he will never appreciate what you do and will take it for granted that you will do it. If he says you do it as your better at looking after your son then just reply well practice makes perfect! Are you going to raise your son with the idea that a woman has to do everything whilst a man slobs out on the sofa? No this is an equal world we are not in the 1950's now! Kick his butt into action! Good Luck!

Roxanne - posted on 05/11/2010




i fell you. my husband is the same way. only mine works graveyard well not as much. he goes in at10 or 11 and gets home around 2 and plays on the computer until about 4 and then desides to go to bed. i don't think it's fair for us to be awake to watch the kids well they sleep so the rule in my house is if i'm awake then so are you. if i can't sleep in no one can and it's only fair. we fight alot about that too and eventualy he gets mad at me complaning and he'll just do it but why make a big thing out of it when you know your going to do it any ways. right! and yet he still tells me let's have another one! ha ha i don't think so you can't play with this one but you want another one your stupid. we have 3 kids together well not together but in our family. i have an 11 yr. and he has a 15 yr. and we have a 3 yr. together. they were very big gaps as you can see it took me a long time to want another one cause i already went through it one time and i didn't want to do it again but it happened i just think men are assholes! sorry for my language but that's how mad they make me. i feel your pain just know that you are not the only one with a man like that.

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