Need a recommendation,My 2 months old baby,always wants me to carry her up,otherwise she will cry.

Heba - posted on 12/29/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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shall i leave her crying for a while till she stops,as i heard that if i cry her she will used to be carrried all the time,which will not make me able to do anything else,

if i try to leave her crying to stop by herself,,for How long?

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Brittany - posted on 01/03/2010

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Reading all these mothers who have been told that their tiny infants need to learn to be "content" on their own breaks my heart! I wore my daughter in a Moby Wrap when she was little. I was able to do anything I needed to get done and she was happy to be close to her mother. 2 month olds can't entertain themselves for any extended period of time. All they want is to be close to you so they can smell you and feel your breathing and heartbeat.
Also, it does not spoil them. Infants cannot be spoiled. Can they become accustomed to a routine and then protest when it is interrupted? Yes.
Crying it out just teaches a baby that s/he cannot depends on his/her mom to come when called.

Renae - posted on 01/01/2010

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I would not leave her crying at such a young age. The only time I ever believe it is ok to leave a baby to cry is when it is necessary for cry interpretation used in sleep training (another story that we wont go into right now!).



I think you should start to encourage independant play. Can she lie down and hit at things hanging above her? Or is she amused by lying under a mobile or playing in a bouncy seat? Whatever it is she does to play at this age, get her doing that while you play and talk to her. Then you stop playing and let her continue playing by herself, but you still stay sitting with her. While you are sitting there start doing something else like read or fold laundry so your attention is not on her. Then after a couple of days of doing this, move a few feet away from her and sit and do something else. Then a couple days later move further away. Keep moving slightly further away until you can leave the room for a couple of minutes and she will keep playing and doesn't cry. Then leave for 4 minutes, 6 minutes, 10 minutes until you can leave her for 15-20 minutes to play on her own. At 2 months you cant expect her to play for any longer than that. By 6 months you will be able to leave her for about 30 minutes at most and by 10 months its about a max of 45 minutes.



When babies learn independant play from a young age they automatically play by themselves for longer and longer as they get older and you get more and more time to get things done.



Having said all of that, if you have to leave her cry while you do something necessary - shower, go to toilet, feed the dog etc. Then its not going to hurt her, you have to do what you have to do. But hopefully you will get her playing independantly soon and have time to do these things. It worked for my baby.

Jamie - posted on 12/30/2009

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My daughter did the same thing. And honestly, I just carried her around with me in a front pack. Then when I would lay her down I just got really excited as to show her that it was fun to play by herself. It only took about 1 and 1/2 weeks and she became much more content playing on her own. Also you might try talking to her even if she can't see you, my daughter seemed to be comforted by just knowing that I was close by. I do agree at this young age they really need to develop a trust relationship with you. She needs to know that you are ALWAYS there for her, independence will come in time!

Sherri - posted on 01/05/2010

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They've done research that shows that babies are not capable of soothing themselves for a very long time. It's an old wive's tale that holding your baby will spoil her. Trust me. :-) She needs mommy. Good luck!

Zeenia - posted on 01/04/2010

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Hi Heba, she will probably just cry for a few minutes may be 15 - 20.. but she will stop.. she wont go on n on... try getting her attached to some toy or some music ... see if you can make her get into a habit of holding her favourite toy or blanket when she is crying... this picking up practice.. is not happening all the time, as they get used to us holding them all the time... the thing is that they get used to this picking up pattern very fast and they know that as soon as they cry some one will pick them up

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Cristina - posted on 01/03/2010

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Swaddle her nice and snug then place something that smells like you in her crib that will give her the sensation of being comforted by mommy, also the saddle makes them feel safe like when they were in the womb.

Eleshia - posted on 01/02/2010

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hiya i hav the same problem but my health vistor says that you just have to leve them to cry and every now and again go and put your hand on their stomk and just say mammys here and keep doing that and in the end thier we carm down many take hours but i done it and it work wonders for me

Krystal - posted on 01/02/2010

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Babies do not cry to be manipulative, they cry because they need something....ie: love, attention, food.



I strongly do NOT agree with the cry it out method, and no I do not think you should just let her cry. Most babies will not stop crying even if you do this, for hours, until they literally have worn themselves out...raised their blood pressures, ect. It's just not a good thing.



A really good DVD to watch is "the happiest baby on the block". You can get it on Netflix. It really explains babies and their needs for the first few months of life.



Also...why not get a great sling? My baby loves to be held too, and always has. He never liked swings or any of that...only wanted mama! So, a sling came in really handy.



Also, you can not spoil a child that young...so no worries there either!

Teresa - posted on 01/02/2010

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They need to cry and learn to calm down on their own. Or u could just lay them on the couch and sit next to them and lay your hand on their chest so that way they know you are still there.

Stephanie - posted on 01/02/2010

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Its ok to let them cry, but when you CAN spare a moment, hold them all you can! they grow up too fast, and you will never have this time again. Your 2 month old will not get spoiled if you hold her alot. Try a sling too...it keeps them close, but frees your hands...

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Honestly 2 months is a little too early to be worrying about if you are holding too much. At that age you pretty much have to do what you can when you can; that is when baby is asleep. It get easier; trust me!

Avery - posted on 01/01/2010

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it does get frustrating i know, if you have one of those playmats that go on the floor that would be a great way to get her used to laying down or playing by herself for a little while, my son used to have me walk him all over the house and i really couldnt do anything, it gets easier as you go along, and they seem to get more independent. it is easier if the mat flashes lights or plays music, and i would suggest a 10 min trial and after 10 mins if she still doesnt like it then try playing with her with toys, or i agree a snuglii would work too, i could never use one though my son absolutely hated it and would scream untill i took him out of it

Denise - posted on 01/01/2010

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It does not hurt to let them cry but make sure they don't need anything else first. I am a single mom and my youngest son was this way. I spoke to the doctor and he told me to let him cry it makes their lungs stronger. but as a mother I would only let them him cry for a 1/2 hour no longer

Robin - posted on 01/01/2010

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I know it is frustrating and difficult to carry her around. Try a "snuggi" or one of those front carriers. They work great and some are not that expensive. Look on ebay/consignment shops or many local retailers.



Think of it this way - you have carried her for 9 months so she is used to your heartbeat and the closeness she feels when with you. I know that it is difficult and means some things will be left undone, but she is not always going to be this small and will not always want to be carried or even around you. Enjoy the time you have with her before you know it she will not need you any more.



You aren't going to "spoil" her. The world - even her crib - is scary and cold when all she has known is your uterus!

Callinda - posted on 01/01/2010

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I agree with everyone else who has recomended a carrier or sling.
Your baby just wants to be with you which is perfectly normal, and she is too young at only 2 months to leave to cry for long periods.

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Try a front carrier or a sling. That's what I did with my daughter. You can't spoil a baby that young. She needed to be carried most of the time, so I would put her in the front carrier and that way got things done. When she got older, we would face her forward so she could see what we were doing. My husband even wore the carrier when I had to cook. She loved it. It didn't spoil her, now she is very independent. I used a sling when she was too small to hold her head up, then when she was strong enough to do that, I switched to the front carrier. I found the front carrier easier on my back and shoulders.

Rose - posted on 12/30/2009

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Have you taken her to the doctor to make sure that she doesn't have colic. If they have wind and are lying down it can be uncomfortable for them.

Shasta - posted on 12/30/2009

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Applie the 10min rule and you by now know wich cry is wich, google Nanny 911 the y have an episode a bout this.

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I don't believe you can spoil a baby, they need you and they are communicating something to you, your baby needs you ..to feel safe.
Every baby is different too and the 'cry-it out' method never worked with any of my kids, more like crying begets more crying:(
I have 4 kids, only my third was challenging, and I learned to wear him, in a sling, and a Mei-tie and baby backpack and a wrap. But Wraps are my favorite, there are not tight. Google, baby wearing and you will see the differt options.

p.s I never liked the expensive Baby Byorn, they out grow too quickly and are expensive, a wrap can be worn from newborn to toddler and it is fun to carry baby in them,
Good Luck!!!

Stefie - posted on 12/30/2009

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My daughter wanted to be held I think until she was able to crawl. I used a sling that I made because that is all we could afford. I would recommend a carrier like a Moby wrap. I actually got one when she was about 6 months old. With a sling carrier I found that your neck and shoulder get sore after a few hours for older babies.
I actually gave up trying to get her to go into her stroller. I use a carrier and a back pack. It is much easier to get through stores with out maneuvering a stroller.
With a back pack the weight is distributed, also try to keep the bag light!

Christy - posted on 12/30/2009

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my daughter was the same way so i got a front carrier for her. it allowed me to get cleaning done and would allow a parent with older children to care for the children while still "holding" the baby. infants, especially ones that young, like to be close to and cuddled by their parents. i was told to think of the first 3 months home as the "4th trimester". if you establish a relationship of security and trust early on your child will know when you put them down in the future that you're not abandoning them and will learn to be independent.

Courtney - posted on 12/30/2009

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why not get one of them carriers? keeps the baby close and happy but at the same time keeps your hands free to do other stuff...and when YOU feel she is ready try and get her use to her swing or if big enough an exersaucer? mine loves the swing even falls asleep in it which leaves me free to do many things yay! the key is re-chargable batteries! lol

Chrissy - posted on 12/30/2009

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Sometimes you have to just let them cry otherwise when they are older they will not know any different.. its a hard process but it needs to be done unless you want your little girl hanging off your arm all the time. Leave her crying till she stops unless you think theres something wrong with her, in that case go see her.

Maria - posted on 12/29/2009

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Hi Heba,

My understanding is that when babies are that young the need they soothing. It's part of establishing feeling safe. The know not the idea of being manipulative. That comes later down the road...



I know it must be very frustrating, but I'm sure it is only temporary. Could she possibly be colic? If not, keep trying different toys that may spark her interest. A bouncy seat may sooth her and keep her preoccupied. But, at the end of the day, if you need to leave her for a few moments while taking a shower etc she won't have serious problems due to that.



So, keep your spirit up. As she gets older it will get easier.

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