Need Advice ASAP Regarding Relocating?

Kathleen - posted on 08/22/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

11

7

2

Hi ladies. I hope that this is not too off topic but I need some advice/an objective perspective. I am a stay at home mom with a three year old son, expecting another little boy December 16th. We live in Naperville, a west suburb of Chicago. My husband was offered a job promotion in New Orleans which would mean moving the beginning of March. The salary increase is significant and it would also mean a vast decrease in my husband's travel, and the job seems like a good opportunity for him. You may be wonder: what's the problem? Well, the area I live in offers tons of park district classes for 0-5 year olds, I have a children's museum, bounce houses, and a multitude of kid's play places within a 10 minute driving distance, I am very involved in my local church/mom's group, and all of my friends and family are here. My mom lives only 15 minutes away which is helpful with my son and with a new baby on the way. I am also close to all of my extended family (several aunts, uncles, and cousins) and holidays ad birthdays are always a big event - some of my warmest childhood memories. I am also concerned about my mom if we move because although she is independent, my dad passed away five years ago and my son and I are pretty much daily company for her. She is devastated by the idea of being separated from us. We just returned from a trip to New Orleans (looking into moving to the Mandeville area if anyone is familiar) and the park district there does not offer classes to kids under six. Plus, their are no kids indoor play laces or anything like that in the town. They do have a MOMs club chapter but I would definitely have fewer opportunities for classes/places to take my kids than I do now. I would also have no help/family/support system, although I am sure I could adjust and make new friends. I am just really torn on what to do and I am sorry this is so long. It would be more comfortable for me to stay here, especially with a new baby coming, but I don't know if that means it's right. I don't want to be the inflexible wife who holds her husband back from a great career opportunity and the financial security it would offer our family. Basically, I don't want to keep my husband from taking this job and I know it would offer more financial security, but I am struggling to give up everything I have where I currently live. I am also struggling to decide whether a move away from family and the opportunities offered is best for the kids in light of the financial aspect and the fact that their father would not be traveling. On top of everything, I have been in a constant state of stress and anxiety and I am worried about how this will affect my LO. I know none of you can make the decision for me, I guess I am just asking a what would you do type question and trying to get an outside perspective. We have to decide pretty quickly so if you are kind enough to have read all this and leave me a response, thank you thank you, thank you in advance!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sharon - posted on 08/26/2012

120

4

18

I am currently living in Naperville. We moved here from Houston and before that two places in California so I know what it is like to move around and it always for my husband's job. I have three kids who were various ages at the time we moved. I was comfortable and did not want to move from every place we lived in but when I did I always found something better about the place I went to than where I came from. The first time we moved, we were leaving my husband;s family who always got together for everything and it was hard. I know my kids probably wished they were closer to their cousins even though we visited every year but they also had some great life experiences and learned about different parts of the country. I can tell you that after living in Houston, they South is much different than Naperville. There is nothing like Southern hospitality.

Also, you kids are young and it is better to move at that age that when they are older. Our last move from Houston, my oldest had just graduated HS and the other two were in HS. My oldest attended Loyola Chicago but the move was the hardest on her. While the other two made friends in HS, she had no one to hang with when she came home from college. Naperville is a great place and it does have so many things to do. I always thought I wanted to go back to Houston but the longer I stay (going on 5 years now) the more I enjoy it. My kids, however, would go back to Texas any day of the week. Sit down and talk with your husband about your feelings and your options, what is important for your family and your future. Make a list pros and cons and weigh them out. Good luck! "Sometimes when things seem like they are falling apart, they are actually falling into place."

4 Comments

View replies by

Anna - posted on 08/27/2012

1

0

0

This is an interesting question, as I live in the Chicago area and we are contemplating a possible move to Europe for my husband's job. Our children are 2 & 4, and we moved here from Washington D.C. a couple of years ago to be closer to our family in WI and IL. I have to say, we loved living in D.C. and although we grew up in the Midwest, we went to college and had careers out there and and felt more connected there than here. But we took the transfer here to be close to family. Ironically, my mother passed away suddenly from breast cancer, my brother and his wife and baby are moving out of the area next summer and my father is also thinking about moving. I guess the point is, things can change for everyone, and if you stay because of other people you don't know their situations won't change, too. Could your mom live part of the year in New Orleans? I have number of friends whose parents split their time between locations and my father is considering that also. I love New Orleans, by the way - I have a good friend who lives there (she's in the neighborhood by the zoo, which has some great old homes and lots of families) and I think you will find there are more resources and opportunities there once you are there (if you go) than is apparent now from the outside looking in. I can definitely see why it is a hard decision, but ultimately if you give it a few years and you really don't like it, you can always move back - as someone else said, doing it now while the kids are young is the best possible time to do it. Good luck :)

[deleted account]

I'd have him take the job.



My husband is in a comfortable job for the rest of the family, but it is driving him mad. He asked me if I would be alright with him looking for a new job. Honestly, I like his job, we get free membership, the kids get discounts of lessons and sports. But, what good is that if he isn't happy?



It is so hard to say "Go for it hunny!" when inside you are screaming "No, I'm comfortable here!"



Keep looking in the area that he would be working if you moved. If there is a Y there, they should have programs for children 6 months to teen.

Navy - posted on 08/23/2012

45

0

16

Hey there Kathleen.



I think I can add some perspective from a military wife's view. When my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our daughter three years ago, we had to make a hard decision. We weren't stable financially, and I couldn't work, my husband and I made the decision for him to join the Navy. Which means we had to uproot from our friends, family, local activities, churches, etc. Everything was left behind for the financial/medical security it would provide us and our daughter. Now we live over six hundred miles from our home town. We've had to make new friends, find new places to go to, etc. It's no where near the same, and we don't have much help in the childcare department, but it's a work in progress. It will take time to find the new things you will need, but I've no doubt that you will find them.



Financial security was first and foremost with us. And I too had a mother to be worried about. But I know my mother was/is strong and can get on in life without me. Our mothers aren't our children and they've been on this earth far longer than us kids, so I'm sure they can get along fine without us. You could help ease her transition by finding her activities to go to as well, near her, or by Skyping ever other day with her. My husband, daughter, and I, Skype with his family occasionally. to keep the connection. As far as friends and churches; new ones can be found, and made. Nothing is impossible. It will take time, but you can do it. Us military wives have to uproot multiple times, so it's equally challenging to make friends, have support groups, etc. But we do it. So I believe you can do it too.



You're right about not wanting to hold your husband back in anything. I try to encourage my husband to make the best decision for us. So if he has a job opportunity in Texas, and we live in VA, then I'm going to give him the go ahead. He enjoys his job in the Navy as a Corpsman, and so I encourage him taking any and every chance to better himself. Seeing as how I can't work, I need to know that he is happy in what he does and the decisions he has to make. We discuss our options, and make a knowledgeable decision based on how we feel about the situation, and plainly, if it's the right time, or not. etc. Have you talked with your husband about your concern/fears/worries? That's always good. I let my hubz know exactly how I feel about any major decision we face, and together, we make the choices.



I hope all of this made sense and can help comfort you a little. I was eager to travel and see new places when my husband got his first orders in the Navy. Both of us being from small towns in AL, it was a great opportunity. It's rough though, no lies, we only see our families and rarely our friends for one-two weeks, once or twice a year. But I don't think I would trade it for the world. Knowing my family is well taken care of is first and foremost for me. So if being away from everyone is what we have to sacrifice to do so, so be it. Good luck with your decisions, and the obstacles ahead, though. I wish you the best! :]

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms