Need advice! Husband has job offer out of state!

Stephanie - posted on 09/19/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I need some opinions. My husband and I have a 19 month old together. We also have my 8 year old who lives with us and sees his father every other weekend or when it's convenient for his Dad. I am a stay at home mom and my husband has been working for the same company for 17 years. We live in Texas and my family is here and we see them almost everyday ( I help my sister out with babysitting). We are very close and they help us out whenever we need help as far as babysitting. He also has his family here too. My husband has moved in the past, but my kids and I have not. He recently was told his company was closing the shop here in Tx and if he wanted to continue his employment along with his benefits he would have to relocate to Georgia. They would increase his salary to compensate for the cost of living and assist with moving fees. The problem is I'm not sure if this is the best move for our kids. We have bad credit, not much in savings and the place we are renting the landlord has already offered us home owners financing when we are ready. We love this house and the neighborhood. If he turns down the offer he will get a severance, but we are pretty sure he will have to take at least a 3-4 dollar paycut. I want us to stay and have told him if we would I could get a part time job and adjust our schedules so we would not have to incur the cost of child care. I understand he has worked so hard and wants to retire with this company. I'm worried about moving up there with nobody except us. I'm thinking what if something happens and I don't have anyone to watch the kids ( we only feel comfortable with certain family members watching the kids). I'm also thinking about my son. He has a relationship with his Father and they visit at least once a month. He is in soccer here and has been with the same coach and team for the past 2 years. I don't want him to feel like we're taking him away from his biological dad and hate us for it. Plus I mentioned previously we have bad credit and am not sure what kind of housing we could get into up there. We would have to downsize a lot. I do not want him to subconsciously hold a grudge against me if we don't move down there and even worse him have a hard time finding a job here although he has already had several prospective employers show interest in him since his work skills, certifications, and work history. I also do not want to move up there and subconsciously hold a grudge against him because I feel I think we can make it work here. Please help I just want what is best for my family and all of our happiness. So lost and just want to make the right decision. If it was just my husband and me we would already be moving, but its not and we have to make the best decision for the whole family.

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Jenna - posted on 09/19/2013

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From my years of experience in marriage, communication is the only way. It sounds like you need to sit down with your husband and have a real heart to heart. Show him compassion and let him know you understand why he wants to move but then honestly and openly tell him your concerns for moving. It sounds like family plays a very big part of your support system. Talk about how that could affect you as not only a family but as a couple. Without a strong marriage there can't be a strong family. Whatever you decide, both of you need to give it a 100% chance in order for it to work. If you do decide to move, maybe you can say you will try for example two years and if it isn't working out for both of you, you return home. You may surprise yourself and like it. The bottom line is that you have to be supportive of each other whatever the decision is and go into it wholeheartedly. not holding a grudge. Do what's best for your family. Keep the lines of comminication open and when you make that decision, both of you must give it your best shot.

Stephanie - posted on 09/19/2013

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Our agreement says both scenarious and the visitation times. It shows if we live 100 miles within each other and if we live farther than 100 miles. From what I know if we did move I would have to get a judge to sign off on it. But if his father contested then we would have to go to court. It's very unlikely his Dad would do that because he is a more threat no action guy. For instance when we first split he threatened to take me to court for custody because he said he couldn't stand to be away from his son even a day. Luckily we did not have to go down that path and we went through a state mediator and came to our current agreement. There is no where in there that says I can't move just that I have to notify the state and him. Regardless if we did have to go to court I've heard since my husband is the main provider and it is for a job relocation the judge would more than likley approve the move.

Jenna - posted on 09/19/2013

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What does your custody agreement with your older son say? You may not be able to move if it is in the agreement.

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