Need advice! Husband has job offer out of state!

Stephanie - posted on 09/19/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I need some opinions. My husband and I have a 19 month old together. We also have my 8 year old who lives with us and sees his father every other weekend or when it's convenient for his Dad. I am a stay at home mom and my husband has been working for the same company for 17 years. We live in Texas and my family is here and we see them almost everyday ( I help my sister out with babysitting). We are very close and they help us out whenever we need help as far as babysitting. He also has his family here too. My husband has moved in the past, but my kids and I have not. He recently was told his company was closing the shop here in Tx and if he wanted to continue his employment along with his benefits he would have to relocate to Georgia. They would increase his salary to compensate for the cost of living and assist with moving fees. The problem is I'm not sure if this is the best move for our kids. We have bad credit, not much in savings and the place we are renting the landlord has already offered us home owners financing when we are ready. We love this house and the neighborhood. If he turns down the offer he will get a severance, but we are pretty sure he will have to take at least a 3-4 dollar paycut. I want us to stay and have told him if we would I could get a part time job and adjust our schedules so we would not have to incur the cost of child care. I understand he has worked so hard and wants to retire with this company. I'm worried about moving up there with nobody except us. I'm thinking what if something happens and I don't have anyone to watch the kids ( we only feel comfortable with certain family members watching the kids). I'm also thinking about my son. He has a relationship with his Father and they visit at least once a month. He is in soccer here and has been with the same coach and team for the past 2 years. I don't want him to feel like we're taking him away from his biological dad and hate us for it. Plus I mentioned previously we have bad credit and am not sure what kind of housing we could get into up there. We would have to downsize a lot. I do not want him to subconsciously hold a grudge against me if we don't move down there and even worse him have a hard time finding a job here although he has already had several prospective employers show interest in him since his work skills, certifications, and work history. I also do not want to move up there and subconsciously hold a grudge against him because I feel I think we can make it work here. Please help I just want what is best for my family and all of our happiness. So lost and just want to make the right decision. If it was just my husband and me we would already be moving, but its not and we have to make the best decision for the whole family.

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Stephanie - posted on 09/19/2013

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We have actually been doing a pretty good job discussing it. I've told him I support whatever decision he wants to make, but he wants both of us to decide which I respect. I do trust him, but we already had decided staying was the best choice until recently some of his coworkers who have made the choice to move have been telling him he needs to do it and it would be good. Keep in mind these are all single guys with no children. I just feel we discussed it weighed out the pros and cons made a decision and maybe now he is letting his coworkers influence his choice to want to go bc they just have to pick their stuff up and go. We on the other hand have a lot more to consider with 2 young kids and will face a lot of challenges adjusting. Regardless if we do decide I will be supportive even if I have to fake it for the sake of my husband and kids. I respect you for having the courage to move with 5 kids. That is very brave and thank you for your feedback.

Lilia - posted on 09/19/2013

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Hi Stephanie! I have moved with my husband due to school and jobs several times. We have five kids but no step-kids. I have felt a measure of your anxiety and I would encourage you to trust your husband in the decision to move or stay. I have gained and regained so much respect for my husband as I have watched him make those decisions and I have stepped back more and more as he has earned my trust. You could really help your oldest son by focusing your efforts and concern on him at this time. As you discuss concerns with him and relay both his and your worries to your husband, you could really become a great anchor for your family in the middle of a stressful time. I am not saying to cease talking to your husband about it, just to trust his judgment and to keep him informed as to were you and the kids are standing on it all. You would be surprised how much more serious he will face this challenge when he knows he has your trust.

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