need encouragement- husband and I are constantly fighting, 12 m old constantly whining

Katie - posted on 12/06/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I feel like I'm losing it today, and I guess I need some encouragement. So far this has been my day: woke up, went to the bathroom and sat in something wet...husband doesn't lift the seat up on the toilet because it doesn't stay up due to the child lock on the toilet seat. He says it is too annoying to try to go to the bathroom and hold the seat at the same time, to him I reply: it is more annoying and disgusting for me to sit down on your urine. We've had this fight several times. These are the types of fights we are having. We seem to get in silly fights like this all the time. Almost every day he leaves for work saying something sarcastic like "just another wonderful day" which really only makes things worse.



He gets mad at me for not having time to do laundry, for not having the house clean, for not showing him enough affection, and don't even get me started on the fights we have about money and moving. He is somewhat helpful with doing dishes after dinner and watching our 1 year old son in the morning while I'm trying to take a shower and get ready, but for the most part he isn't home because he's working a lot. (He has a pretty demanding job, and also opened his own small business on the side.)



My son just turned 1. I'd say he has always been a pretty needy child. Wants me all the time, wants to be held all the time. Cries and pulls on my legs until I pick him up. At the same time he seems to be a high-energy child (comparing to other children we see at play groups, etc.) He runs around the house destroying everything in his path...hence why our house is always a mess. It's impossible to keep up with. Yesterday he scratched my face so hard that it bled, and I now have a huge scab on my face. Looks like I got in a fight. When I nurse him he pulls my hair the entire time. I try to distract him, hold his arm down...he fights me until he gets his hand free and pulls my hair again. This morning he bit me so hard while nursing that my nipple is still sore 4 hours later. Everything with him seems so difficult sometimes. Like when I try to change his diaper he rolls over the minute I set him down on the changing table. I have to find small things from around the house that aren't toys for him to be occupied with while I change him. It's been the only way! So far this morning he has been whining and clinging to me...so much that I had to leave him cry (tears) for a few minutes so that I could fix myself breakfast- I was starving. He stops crying the moment I pick him up. He's able to play independently with his toys for a few minutes (that is how I am able to type this up now), but in a few minutes he'll notice me and come over crying until I pick him up.

I love my family, but some days I just feel so depressed. I try to remind myself that my son is young and won't be this way forever, and that I should try to focus on the fact that the reason he wants to be with me all the time is because he loves me and I'm very important to him. But somedays reasoning with myself just doesn't help. I am also depressed because my husband doesn't seem to understand how difficult my days can be with our boy. When I try to explain to him he just says I'm complaining all the time. He knows he's hard on me too...he apologized for yelling at me on Sunday for always having the house messy and I fought back saying that it's impossible to keep everything together when I have almost no help from him.

I think it's probably impossible for me to fully paint the picture of what's happening here...I could write for days. But, I know that some of you probably experience similar situations, so you understand. I just need some cheering up I guess. Thank you for "listening."

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Tammy - posted on 12/06/2012

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Sounds like you both have fallen out of love with your child due to his rambunctious personality and are taking it out on each other.

Regarding the diaper change, I suggest you change him in his crib, rather than moving him to a changing table. Try distracting him with a cracker to chew on, or a musical toy.

Regarding your husband and the toilet. It seems like he either has aim issues, or is using the toilet in the dark. Instal a motion censor light in the bathroom and draw an X or target at the bottom of the bowl. The humor in it might get him to actually try being neater.

Regarding nursing, put your hair in a ponytail and wrap a towel or a scarf around your head to keep your hair safe. Give him something to hang on to. If he really likes hair, get him a Barbie type doll. Yes, I know it's for girls, but you don't need to let him play with it all the time, just to hold the hair while nursing.

Lastly, I recommend you enroll your child in some daycare for just a few hours a day, so that you can have some time alone to refresh, to clean and general get your life in order. Also, get a professional (not a teenager) to watch him some nights so you and your husband can go out on the town together.

I am sure if you decide to do some of my suggestions, or even others, you and your husband and the baby, will feel a lot better.

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Katie - posted on 12/06/2012

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Thank you Michelle. It really does help to hear that I'm not alone! Sounds like you have your hands full too...it must be hard with 2 children so young. I feel like I can barely manage 1 sometimes. :)



I do tend to let him cry a bit now because he's a year old and I feel like he should be able to wait a few minutes so that I can finish whatever it is that I'm trying to do. As for pumping...I just feel like I don't want to bother with it. Thank you for the suggestion though. I don't get much out when I pump and my son doesn't take a bottle.



My husband and I have been married 4 years. I think babies is really stressful on a marriage, which is why I can never understand people who think they should have a baby to save their marriage. That is a terrible idea! I know it's just a time in our marriage that is rough. Someday perhaps we will look back and laugh at the situations we find ourselves in now. I'm not concerned about our marriage ending or anything like that. It's just stressful sometimes right now. And it's not all bad- we have plenty of laughs and share some fun times too. But it's just hard right now.

Michelle - posted on 12/06/2012

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Oh Katie :) sounds similar to my life. I have a 19 month old little girl and a 6 month old little boy!

its hard for me to get anything done too :/

My first one was pretty easy going (sometimes) but my son HA! total opposite. I have learned that sometimes I have to let them sit there for a few minutes and cry. Picking them up as soon as they whine only teaches them that when they do they will always get what they want. By letting them cry for a few minutes they usually will calm down (at least some of the time).

and instead of nursing have you tried to pump? That will help with the hair pulling! :)



As far you and your husband go, how long have you two been married? I know my husband and I used to fight just like you and your husband. Pitty fights every day sometimes more..

If you can get your little one to be more independent and less reliable on his mommy that will help your sanity and also help your relationship..

Wish i could be of more help :)

I hope your day gets better

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