Need Help.

Shannon - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My step daughter is 8 years old. I have been raising her since she was 3. She is very emotional child. I started to go back to work and she had a very tough time with me working. Her Biological mother abandoned her when she was 2. When I started work she told me that I was doing the same thing her mother did. I was home at 4:30, off on weekend, and off on all holidays. But for her when I was not home when she got off the bus I was not there for her. So I quit my job to stay home with her. Now every time she is mad she calls for her mom. Her mom doesn't want anything to do with her. How do you tell a 8 year old that her mom doesn't want her. How do you make her notice all the things that you do for her. I feel like I am losing the battle. I do everything in the world for her and she still doesn't care. So any ideas on what to do. I do I make myself feel better.

7 Comments

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Patricia - posted on 04/27/2010

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I have a 8 year old daughter and she is at that age where , if I am not there then I dont love her to.I went back to school about 6 months ago and it broke her heart and mine to.But she is at the age where I explaned to her that the weekend we will spend time with eachother.She now loves the time we spend together.I think that you should sit down with her and talk about her feelings and what she wishes will come out of this.I know that you have so much love for her and she does show it back.I think bonding with her will gain her love for you.She may also need some counceling to get throught it all.Best of luck to you and her. Be patient and she will come around.

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I agree- counseling might offer the help that she really needs. She is dealing with abandonment issues and confusing feelings. She may also know that it pushes your buttons to ask for her mother when she's angry with you... She needs to be able to express her feelings and work through her feelings of abandonment and she needs to know that your love is unconditional and that she can count on you. Keep on offering her your love and support, but don't let her walk all over you, either. Check with her dr. to find a good counselor.

Kelly - posted on 04/26/2010

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I really like Jessica's suggestion about councelling.
This poor girl is no doubt feeling the loss of her mother more now than when she was small. She probably just needs to talk/vent to someone and NOT feel she'll get in trouble for it. Continue to love and support her and she'll come around.

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2010

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You just have to be consistent. 8 year old girls are just learning how to be emotional. Stick with loving her and it'll all pay off. Maybe you could both go to counseling so she can have someone outside of the family to be a listening ear. I think your choice to be home with her is awesome. Check with the school and see if you're allowed to have lunch with her once a week. Good luck. I taught 3rd grade before becoming a mom so I dealt a lot with 8-9 year old girls.

Evelyn - posted on 04/26/2010

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Shannon, get help from a church. First she needs to learn to love herself. Then she will understand that others love her too. You have an uphill battle and cannot do it yourself. It really takes a village to raise a child. Find afterschool programs that are for girls specifically, they really will help with her self esteem. Do it now because as she gets older it will be extremely difficult. Best wishes, you are in my prayers!

Amber - posted on 04/26/2010

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Just keep up on loving her, she is confused if she knows all about her biological mother, my cousin is a step and her son has a ton of emotional issues, it was the same situation...and now the bio mother has other children and still does not want anything to with her first one. If all else fails I would get her into some counsling, it may help. Love conquers all though. Let her know that you love her everyday, and that even as mad as she gets at you that you are not going to leave her, you have to reassure her. Good Luck and if you need to just vent you can e-mail me ingersoll_amber@yahoo.com.

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