Need some advice about my hubby!

Jennifer - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a wonderful husband. He is great with the kids, and he loves me with all his heart. He works really long hours (sometimes 16-18 hrs. a day). I really miss him a lot when he is at work and we talk on the phone almost all day long (he drives a truck), but I miss him being here in person. He has always been the kind of person to help others whenever possible. Lately his friends have asked for his help a lot, and we can go weeks without ever really seeing each other except to say I love you and good night. He tries to include us whenever he can, but when he has three men (they are amish and don't drive) in his suv, there isn't any room for me and three kids with car seats. Sometimes I really wish he would tell his friends no and come home with me, but then I feel selfish. He has always been a very helpful person and that is one of the reasons I fell in love with him, but sometimes I need a little help too. When I do say something to him, he feels really bad, but then I feel even worse, because I know those same friends have helped him (and me) out a lot also. What are some ways that I can tell him to be home a little more without hurting him?

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Well, I am a very giving and helpful person to..especially when it comes to my parents and it does cause some conflict between my hubby and I too...so I understand really both points of view. Don't feel guilty asking for help. But, it has to be the way you ask that matters. If he has a schedule that you can work around..pick the days that he will have off work and ask him to keep a particular day open for you and the kids only..and the other for him for whatever he chooses to do..maybe even on a calender just for him to look at and remember. For example: if he has off Tuesday and Friday. Which ever day you pick Tuesday for ex. write on there that that is Family Day and then he can appreciate what that means..plan something for all of you to do that day and then leave the other day for him to choose(helping his friends or him doing something for him to relax) if you give a man some freedom to know you will stick to your promises than he will respond better to you. (hopefully) hope that helps.

Jennifer - posted on 12/18/2009

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thanks guys. We do try to do that once in a while, but with his work schedule and the fact that we are really picky about who watches our kids, it only happens once every couple months. He usually only has one day a week free, so if I asked him to do it every week, then he would have no time for his friends, or our kids and I don't want to do that.

Renae - posted on 12/18/2009

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First thing I thought of Dusty has already said. Can you allocate a set time every week, whenever you can fit it in, that just you and him spend time together? Would this help knowing that you at least have that time every week?

Dusty - posted on 12/18/2009

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well... have you asked him for a date night so that you two can be together( just the two of you no kids no friends just you two) some times that helps you feel that you get the time with him you need and then him helping his friends you will not feel like you dont get time with him.

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