Need your opinion, is my husband right, or my dad?

Cat - posted on 10/25/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Ever since my mom passed away in 2005, my dad has been flying over from where he lives to stay with us for 3 months at a time (6 months over the year) While he is here, we pay for most of his food, though he does sometimes buy groceries, toilet paper, and paper towels etc. He helps with dishes and some housework, he helps with mowing the lawn and some yardwork, and he watches the kids if we need him to. There is only one area in which there is debate in our household.



Last night, I took the kids to their dance classes and my husband worked late and my dad was home alone. At one point he missed letting the dog out and she pooped in our dining room. Instead of picking it up, he left it there for us to clean when we got home. Who knows how long it was there. We were gone for about 3 hours.



My husband was a little upset over it. He felt it was gross and disrespectful. My dad feels that the dog is not his, so he doesn't feel obligated to pick up after it. My husband on the other hand feels that my dad is living with us for 3 months at a time and he's part of the household and should pick it up since he was the one who missed letting the dog out.



Who in your opinion is right? While I didn't like that my dad just left dog poop on the floor for who knows how long, I also see his side as the dog is our responsibility. What is your opinion?

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Tammy - posted on 10/25/2011

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How old is your Dad? Maybe it's difficult for him to bend down and clean it up and he just doesn't want to let on that he's in pain? Maybe cleaning up poop disgusts him and he just can't do it (my husband is like that). Maybe he genuinely dislikes the dog and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you so.
I think that you should be thankful that you still have a Dad in your life and that your kids have a Grandpa (I never had one) and just overlook the dog poop incident(s). So, you or your hubby clean it up when you get home; it takes the most minimum amount of effort. And I suggest that you put notes around the house to remind your Dad to let the dog out.

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Cat - posted on 10/30/2011

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Hi everyone, thank you all for your responses! Here is an update to everyone's questions and what has happened since I first posted - First of all, yes, my dad is physically able to pick up after the dog and let it out. Otherwise if he wasn't, it wouldn't be an issue. I think it was my dad being lazy and not wanting to clean up after it. The problem with my dog is that she is 16 years old (a senior citizen herself!) and if I leave her outside she barks all day and annoys the neighbors. I did speak with my dad nicely and asked that in the future he clean up if he doesn't let her out in time and in return, I said that I'd try to keep her in the kitchen if I go out (she has her own space in the far corner of the kitchen with her bed, food and water. I have agreed that if I have to go out for a while, I'd block her in with a baby gate. The next morning, my dog did have an accident in the dining room again, but my dad did pick it up, but left the bag there (I guess so I'd know?) I didn't complain though because at least he picked it up (and the bag was tied so it didn't smell. I just took it out when I got up to take the kids to school. It's hard because my dog is really old and going blind so it's hard for her to get around the house, so I've been letting her out when I can and then blocking her in the kitchen at night so she doesn't have anymore accidents around the house (for some reason she holds it if she's blocked in her area) Thanks again, for all your great responses!

Sharlene - posted on 10/28/2011

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Hi .Look I know his your dad but that pooh would'nt smelt he should'nt the pooh before you and your husband got home and as for your father not paying his way, If he does those odd jobs around the house I would'nt bother.Cheers darls

Lacye - posted on 10/27/2011

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Both are right actually. While your father should have picked up the poop simply because that is just nasty, the dog does belong to you guys. Have you thought about putting the dog outside on a leash while yall are gone somewhere so that this won't happen again? That way your dad won't feel obligated to have to take the dog out or clean up after the dog.

Angel - posted on 10/27/2011

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You know, I think the important question is not who is right and who is wrong... It is over and done with... your hubby's episode of anger is also over and hopefully done with... I think the important question is how we can prevent this from happening again and what is really bugging your dad:) if you can resolve that, you will have happy dad, happy hubby and happy you:) hahaha...

User - posted on 10/27/2011

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And to add to my point, the way I would see it is that's pretty much the equivilant of your Dad missing the toilet when he went to pee and not cleaning it up because "it's not his house or his toilet so it's your job to clean it"

User - posted on 10/27/2011

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Definitely siding with your husband on this one, if he's living off of you guys for three months at a time then he should take on some responsibility around the house.

Jessica - posted on 10/26/2011

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I gotta side with your husband on this one. If your dad had just let the dog out, the dog wouldn't have relieved itself on the floor. If your dad is going to be living there for 6 months out of the year, he can very well take on some of the families responsibilities.

Janice - posted on 10/26/2011

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I definitely agree with your husband. By staying with you 3 months at a time he is part of the household and should pick up after the dog if necessary. Plus thats just gross.

Michelle - posted on 10/26/2011

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Your husband is right. If one of the kids had an accident and your dad was home alone with them he would change them (or hopefully he would). It shouldn't be any different for the dog. It is gross and the house had to smell. Sounds like your dad was just being lazy.

Nayuribe - posted on 10/26/2011

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i believe that if you're asking this qs, it's because he IS physically able to clean up some dog poop. having said that, he should've cleaned up. i'd let this one slide. he just needs to remember to let the dog out, as simple as that, if he forgets, the he has to clean up.

[deleted account]

Your husbands right your dad should have cleaned it up, I'd clean it up if I were there for just the day so if I was there for three months (without having to pay into the household) I'd expect to be expected to tidy up messes like that especially if I was the only one in the house. I'd speak with your dad and express that in the future you'd rather he didn't leave messes for you to clean up as he is a part of the household too for those three months and you would appreciate it if he would participate in the household in a balanced way.

Michelle - posted on 10/25/2011

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Your dad is staying with you and I agree with your husband, yes the dog is not your fathers but he was staying there and he is pretty much living there therefore it is his responsibilty if no1 else is home, unless he is physically unable to do it

Angel - posted on 10/25/2011

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I think u should talk to ur dad. People who behave bad feel bad.. This applies to all people young and old.. He might have been upset abt something u are not aware of or was unconsciously calling out for ur attention and love.... Whenever my mum starts to behave strangely, I know it means I need to spend at least an hour to listen to her talk for her to become "normal" again;)

Jessica - posted on 10/25/2011

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Some clear cut boundaries need to be discussed so that there are expectations from both sides that are out in the open. Time to have a family chat.

Lisa - posted on 10/25/2011

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I'm with your husband. If it was an everyday occurence that the dog made messes inside the house your father shouldn't have to pick up after the dog.

It was gross that he'd sit in the house and smell dog poop for three hours, however, since it was just a one time accident, I'd let it slide.

Corinne - posted on 10/25/2011

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Wow, I was in my mums house for 10 mins the other day and the dog peed, I got the mop and cleaned it up! I'm with your husband on this one.

Cat - posted on 10/25/2011

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@Liz, no my dad has experience with dogs as I grew up with a dog. Now while my dog growing up was an outside dog, my dad was the one who always picked up her poop out in the grass (though he's not really an animal person). I kinda agree with you. I put myself in the same position and if I was at my in laws house and their dog made a mess, I certainly would pick it up! Thanks for your response.

[deleted account]

I think your husband is right. I would clean it up, if I were staying at your house for 3 days, let alone 3 months.

It's also just gross to leave it there.

Is your dad not a pet person? Totally inexperienced with pets?

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