needing help! Im depressed and tired of being a SAHM

Wilmarie - posted on 01/27/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello I'm 23 years old and have four children ages 6 years (girl), 4 years (boy), 2 years (boy), and 8 months (boy). I had my daughter who is 6 yrs at the young age of 17. huge mistake! I don't regret her just my decision. I was on bc and was the 1 % that got pregnant. I graduated high school though and ended up going to college and juggled a job at the same time. I then dropped out of college to join the Army and then shortly after married my daughters father who is also in the Army. We then had another child, my son who is 4 years. I ended up getting divorced from him in 2010 because I found him cheating on me with another Army wife. Long story. Anyhow shortly after I got divorced I meet my current husband who was also in the Army and we had two boys, my now 2 year old and 8 month old. I am still in the Army but only a reservist so I don't work full time. I just do drill once a month. I am a full time stay at home mom. I feel like a living nanny though. I do everything cook, clean and take care of the kids. Its hectic with four children. My husband is nice enough though on the weekends when he does have a weekend off to take care of the kids for me and help with chores in the house. I been feeling depressed lately. Sad and angry all at once. There are times I wish I didn't have any kids. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but I wish I would of waited. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like my life is just one boring routine same thing everyday. Its frustrating. I want to go to work but financially we wouldn't be able to afford daycare for four kids. My husband and I don't have time for each other ever and it hurts our relationship a bit. The only time we get to spend together is when the kids are in bed by 9 pm and even then we are both so tired and end up falling asleep because we are so exhausted. I have family here in town but my divorced parents are too focused on their own lives and don't care. I spoke with my mom about feeling depressed and not getting a break from the kids and if she could watch them and her excuse is that she works and has to pay bills. She doesn't even work weekends and all I am asking her is if she could watch the kids one Saturday not everyday. And still her excuse is she works and is getting old. She is only 43 btw. I'm guessing 43 is old for her LOL. She does party it up with her bf on the weekends though. They are at the bar every weekend almost yet no room to watch her grand-kids :( And my father got married to some 28 yr old Filipino girl and is expecting a child with her at the age of 50! and since he has gotten married has distanced himself. Its sad how I have family who are close by and no one to watch my kids to get me a break or to let me and the hubby have one date night so we can reconnect. Its hard trying to find a babysitter who me and my husband can both trust let alone be affordable. Everyone knows daycare/babysitters are not cheap. I would prefer my family but like I said they won't. When we went to visit my husbands family they watched the kids for us so me and him could go on a date. It was so nice of them and we needed that. Only thing is his family lives far. We live in Texas and they live in St. Louis MO. We want to move closer that way we could have some actual Grandparents who would love to watch their grand-babies every once in awhile. I really needed to let all of this out. I was on the internet today and put in google "tired of being a stay at home mom" and this site had popped up and I was surprised to find that I am not the only mom who feels the way I do. Its nice to know that there are moms that feel the same way and are going through the same things. If any of you moms could give me some advice/tips on how to cope with being a stay at home mom and stay sane that would help. Also some advice on what me and my husband can do to reconnect even though we have no one to watch the kids??? advice would be great. Thanks so much for reading and God bless!!!

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[deleted account]

Gee....my husband is 43. I don't think he's old, our kid is only 8.

Anyway, about coping. Winter is always the hardest because you are cooped up inside all the time. It is easier to get out in the summer, but do try to get out sometimes in the winter too--check local bookstores for "Story Time" events (most have them at least once or twice a week, should be same time every week), Starbucks and Spill the Beans do them weekly as well, and you do not have to buy a coffee.

Could you afford a Mom's morning out program? I am assuming your 6 year old is in school, so you'd only have 3, and there are lots of very affordable programs for just 3 hours a couple of days a week. Does your husband ever have weekdays off? (Sorry, I have no idea how the Army works, but you mentioned working weekends, so I thought maybe he got a weekday off if he worked weekends). If so, you could put the kids in the mom's morning out and have your date then.

Four kids is a lot. We've only got one and we struggle with exhaustion. I try to pack time for myself and for us as a couple into any little nook and cranny I can.

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Chassidy - posted on 01/30/2013

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We also have that sort of thing in Nova Scotia. Our local gym offers daycare for $2/hr per child. Of course you have to remain in the facility but even if you went to the cafeteria for coffee with girlfriends;).

[deleted account]

I don't know that working would be a good option for you considering that you are already exhausted without the extra burden.

Spill the Beans is just like Starbucks. Not all do the story times, but at least 2 Starbucks near me, and one Spill the Beans does them, as well as Barnes & Nobel and Fiction Addiction (both bookstores). Oh, and don't forget the library, all of our local branches have story times and they do them on different days, so you have one almost every day. I like those because they usually let you put the older kids in the story room and you and your 8 month old can sit in the library and read a book or just relax.

I would LOVE summer all the time. I hate winter. It doesn't snow here, just gets bitter cold, but my husband and son both love snow, so we usually spend a month or so in the mountains and I'm annoyed with the snow the whole time--one big MESS. We are leaving next week to spend February in VA and I'm really not looking forward to it.

Moms Morning Out programs are usually run by churches. Around here, they are about $100/month per kid, but you usually get a discount on additional kids. They are not really a "day care" because they usually only keep the kids for about 3 hours, 2 or 3 days a week. They do a lot of fun activities & it's a good way to socialize. Moms usually hang out and chat for a while after while the kids play on the playground. Check local churches--you don't have to be a member to leave your little ones.

One other thing that might help with spending time with hubby. A lot of the dance schools, gymnastics schools, Martial Arts schools, gyms, and places like Monkey Joes, Pump It Up, Jump Zone, or Bricks for Kids offer a parent's night out. You pay $10-$20 per kid and they will keep your child for about 5 hours on a Friday or Saturday night. They are there with tons of other kids, and they usually have a fun activity planned. A lot of them use these nights to make kids want to come to the school, so be prepared for that, but we use them all the time, and J knows there is a limit to how many classes he can take.

Wilmarie - posted on 01/28/2013

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Thank you Kelly for the advice it was helpful. 43 is still young to me but apparently my mom thinks she is old at 43 lol. Me and my husband get out a lot with the kids we take them to the park during the week day with our two German Shepherds. he gets off work at 3;30. My oldest child, my daughter is in school. Your right with four its crazy. Not to mention I have to drive my daughter to school everyday and try to get her to class on time. It's difficult trying to get four kids out of the house. Then I have to pick her up from school and try to not be late in picking her up then i have to run to the base here to get my husband. I know you mentioned it is hard to get out of the house in the winter where I live its always summer. We have 80 degree weather right today. Its burning out. I live in South Texas so we don't get four seasons :( I miss getting four seasons. I have not seen snow in awhile. But I did not know Starbucks does story time. I need to diffidently check into that. I've never heard of spill the beans before I am assuming its just like Starbucks. Also, I saw you mentioned mom's morning out program? What is that exactly? Is it a daycare? I have never heard of it. My husband and I were talking yesterday about looking into a daycare that way we could go out or even an affordable sitter. Thing is it's very hard to find an inexpensive daycare/ babysitter for four children. We have not gone out in awhile. Last time we went out was when my sister watched our kids but my sister moved out of town to Killeen, TX her husband who is also in the Army got stationed in Fort Hood. My husband does have his weekends off but starting now till June he will be working Saturdays. He is pulling overtime at work. He isn't in the Army anymore he got out because he was injured. He still works for the Army though as a civilian. He is a mechanic for the Army's helicopters. He makes a descent amount of money $60,000 (his work and disability he gets from the Army) a year but it doesn't feel like it with four kids. We are always tight. I would love to go to work but daycare is so expensive. A friend of my husbands who works with him pays 160 a week for his little girl to go to daycare. I have four so like 500 a week for me. I would need to find a job that makes at least 20 an hour to even cover daycare and make some extra. But kids are a handful in general doesn't matter if you have one or four. They all are exhausting and cost a lot of money :)

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