Needy 8-month-old. What do I do?

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

Hello. My daughter just turned 8 months. I'm a work-at-home mom, so I'm with her most of the time, and her daddy's been working late nights lately, so he hasn't seen her much the last couple of weeks. The past few days, she has gotten so clingy! I can't even set her down for 5 minutes without her screaming like it's the end of the world. She used to play by herself all the time. Part of me wants to ignore her when she acts this way because I'm afraid that giving in and picking her up will only make it worse. But she also seems too young to just let her scream. I just don't know what is the right way to handle this, and it's wearing me down really fast. Please, give me advice!!

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Mandy - posted on 09/24/2009

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my son is 8mo and has been like that for a long time now.

if someone he doesnt know so much as looks at him, he cries till he cant see them anymore.

i put him in a sling when he is being particuarly difficult. i have found that if a kids dvd is on, hi-5 at the moment is a fav, he is happier to be on the floor playing., i find i spend more time on the floor with him than sitting on the comfortable lounge!



i also have a 6yo and i am enjoying my baby wanting me because before you know it, they will be independant and not want you as much.



my 8mo doesnt let my hubby do anything even when he is home. i have found that when i have a bad day, if i change my attitude towards the lack of personal space, it helps me ALOT.



make sure when she does sleep, you take some time for yourself, read a book, have a bath, do whatever you want, so that when she is awake, you will be more relaxed.



all the best and it will get easier....i know this is said alot, but it is onlyu a stage they go through.

Brandy - posted on 09/24/2009

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I have a very independant 17 month old who went through a phase like this at the very same age and I felt the same way about giving in at first, but in the end decided to just let the housework go a bit to spend time with her and after a few days she was back to her old self and she is sooo independant now but every once in a while she just wants to cuddle with mommy and read a book.

Alicia - posted on 09/23/2009

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My son was usually pretty good at playing alone at that age. But sometimes he would just stop for a few days and was so whiny and just could not be left alone. It was often when he was getting sick or cutting teeth. So it might just be a short term thing (fingers crossed for that.)
Or it could be more complex. Like the others said, give her some attention when she really does not seem to be able to play alone and then hopefully the distraction of the toys will take over for you. Also try playing some fun music in the background if you can work while it is on. It might just liven things up a little and help give her another focus. And try new toys...either rotate the ones you have so they seem fresh or just anything that is baby safe that you have in reach like an empty water bottle...something new and novel that might give you a few more minutes. I find with my son eventually he just gives in to self-entertainment if I offer enough new possibilities for play.

Melanie - posted on 09/23/2009

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I am home a lot with my daughter as well. When she started to get that way, I would sit on the floor and read her books (she's a book girl)! Then I wasn't constantly holding her, and she usually would start playing with other toys and go off by herself after a while.

Krista - posted on 09/23/2009

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Babies are needy by necessity. I would have to say that given the information you've provided about the situation, she's most likely noticed that her daddy isn't around and instinctively, she is worried that you won't be either. It isn't necessary to refuse comfort to a child in the name of not spoiling and allowing her to cry needlessly isn't the answer. Babies are born to be held by their mothers. I like the carrier idea, a sling or something, don't just ignore her. If she is responding to her daddy not being around, ignoring her would be the same as you not being there either.

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[deleted account]

Thank you all for your advice. It's good to know that this is normal, and hopefully it will pass soon. Even when her dad comes home and tries to play with her, she only wants me lately, so I'm exhausted. But it is wonderful to be with her all day, and I have to remind myself of the reason that I chose to work from home to begin with. So I guess she will get some extra attention, and hopefully that will help. Meanwhile, I think I smell a poopy diaper. Gotta go! Thanks for all the support!!

Ruth - posted on 09/23/2009

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Sometimes small children get clingy when they're about to reach a major development point--crawling, walking, something like that. My daughter does it. And that's also the age where they get really attached to Mommy (or whoever takes care of them all day). Now that she's 10 months old, she's a little less clingy.

And 5 (or maybe even 10) minutes of crying won't hurt your baby (although it can be emotionally draining for you, if you're not used to it). If you really don't want to deal with the crying, now may be a good time to pull out a baby carrier, if you have one--she can be 'held' by you, but you can get things done with both your hands (especially if you can put it on your back, instead of your front--it's harder for them to reach what you're working with).

I know it's hard to deal with, but try to enjoy this stage as much as you can--you're everything to them right now.

Jess - posted on 09/23/2009

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My daughter does this too. Esp. at night time.She will throw a fit if im not holding her and she wont even go to her dad. She is getting to the point that I cant walk out of the room without her screaming. I think its just because we are with them all day long. When her dad gets home I go into other rooms and get some stuff done or just sit and read school books. It seems to be helping because then she is not seeing me all day long. Go spend some alone time when you can. It will help both of you!

[deleted account]

My son does this on occasion. What works for us (sometimes) is if I play with him for a little bit and get things going. Then he gets into whatever it is he's doing, and I can go on with what I was doing for a little while.

Cyndi - posted on 09/23/2009

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Sounds to me like she is having seperation anxiety. This is pretty normal for her age. It is one of those things that should pass over time. In the meantime, maybe set her up a play area near you where she can keep you in your sight. Hth and good luck..

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