New SAHM, I feel like a failure!

Nicole - posted on 04/26/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I was a full time working mom and now I'm currently a SAHM, I have a 5 month old and an almost 4 year old. I'm having such a hard time with this, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. My house is messy, the laundry isn't done, my son won't listen to me, and my 5 month old is still waking up 4 to 5 times at night. I feel like everything is a disaster and literally like I'm failing! I go over to other friends homes that have kids and theres no toys on the floor, no piles of laundry and I don't understand how they do it. It's making me feel so insecure.

I've talked to my husband about it and he wants to get a house cleaner but I keep saying no because 1) The house is messy and I don't want visitors and 2) It makes me feel even worse that I cant get it all done and we have to pay someone else to do it.

How do you guys keep your home clean, laundry done, keep the kids and hubby happy while still finding 2 mins to yourself?

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Tracy - posted on 04/26/2015

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Ugh. I'm in the same EXACT situation. . I've been a SAHM to a 6 year old, 2 1/2 year old and 16 month old for just over 1 yr and still to this day I have yet to have 2 min to myself if anyone else is awake. I have to stay up till 1 or so just to be able to have some "me" time. Its funny that the first post I saw on this page today described my situation as well! I'm the kind of chick who can give all kinds of advice but has trouble following the advice I give. Here's my advice for our situation 1: Let your husband hire the help for you. If he cannot be there to pitch in and help you get to the point that you can control the cleanliness and keep it up then let him hire someone to take his place. At least your house will be clean. That is a miracle within itself when you have 2 wee people destroying anything you clean up as SOON as you finally get it cleaned! 2: Don't go to your friends houses. Meet at the park. Go to the zoo together. Whatever. As long as your not looking at their home and how sparkly it is and then having to go into your home and obsess over the "lived-in" look your house is sporting. I did the same with my friends. I would feel so depressed by the time I would leave their homes that I wouldn't want to clean my home or I'd stress over every little thing that wasn't perfect at my house that much more. I didn't want to compare my home life to theirs and pout over the differences. So I changed the situation so I could still see them but not their houses. Btw every time I would ask them how they kept it so perfect they would all say " It was easy!" You don't need that thought rolling around in your head. They were just saying it was easy to either convince themselves they really are "superwomen" or they were able to get rid of their kids the hour before you got there so they could run through their homes at light speed picking up and shining so they could psych you out. 3. There is NO "perfect" mother. There are lots of different flavors of moms. Perfect is not on the menu. Believe me. If it seems too good to be true.... I'm sure you see my point. Just be the best mom YOU can be. 4: I have been researching different cleaning schedules and de-cluttering sites so I can downsize and make my life and my families life simpler. Try looking at Flylady or other sites that have tips and don't make you feel like a fool for even thinking about having to schedule menial tasks like vacuuming. When your a SAHM with little ones around your ankles all day having a schedule to clean by is the one constant you can rely on. (I'm learning VERY, VERY slowly) Eventually I hope to have my kids schedules and my housecleaning on a schedule that syncs. 5: Enjoy your babies while they are still babies!!! The best advice my own mother has given me on staying home all day and not having a spotless house is this " As long as the dishes are done, the kids are content and the husband is fed then you've done your 3 main momma jobs!" Don't fret over the rugs not being spotless and spend all your time scrubbing while your kids feel looked over. As long as it gets done at some point this week or next or maybe the next... My point from one (almost not as stressed) SAHM to another is that you need to just be glad you can stay home with your children while they are small. It is the hardest job on earth in my opinion and most days I think about job hunting at least once. But I wouldn't have it any other way! Good luck to you and all the other SAHM's of small ones! Wish me the same!

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Dawn - posted on 05/04/2015

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I work at home as an MT and have kids. For me, I use a schedule. It's not a bad idea to have someone come in once a week and help you do the deep cleaning. You are not a failure. You are just adjusting!

Jennifer - posted on 04/30/2015

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Babies Don’t Keep
By Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Lullabye, rockaby, lullabye loo.
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo,
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo,
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs;
Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.



*We have all been there. Do what you can to keep everyone clean, dry, and happy. Happy kids are a million times better than a clean house! If your husband wants to hire a cleaning service, take him up on it Momma!! You'll have one less thing to worry about, and a happy mom makes a happy household. Most mere mortals just put up with a messy house for a few years, because the baby and toddler years don't last. It's a magical, stressful, sleep deprived time, just do your best. Promise your kids won't remember a messy house, but my kids DO remember every time I've put down what I was doing half way through to play with them. I used to try to do one thing for each room a day while I was in there. :)

Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2015

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don't be so hard on yourself. I think what you need is a new schedule for you and your children. try using google calendar or even writing it down (if you are old school like me). you can plan your day accordingly and make sure you don't overwhelm yourself every day (especially in the beginning). have block times for "clean the living room and bathroom" and a different day "kitchen and hallway", laundry, etc. Look up freezer meals on pinterest to help eliminate some of the time in the kitchen!!! i swear by these. take some time either before they wake up (which i know seems early enough) or as soon as they go to bed to go take a warm bath and drink a glass of wine. don't be afraid to " date your husband" get a sitter once a week to go enjoy yourself. if you make it a habit it will be much needed break! mommy's deserve them too. is your 4 year old in school?

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