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Ebony - posted on 11/17/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My child's father was excited at first when he found out that I was pregnant, but when I chose not to be with him anymore because he was showing violent behavior now he acts like he doesn't want anything to do with her. What do I do?

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If he is showing violent behavior be thankful he is not fighting for her. Child thrive in a positive and safe environment. She needs positive adult role models, even if they are not her biological father. My husband had 3 abusive adult role models in his life (mother father and step mother) until he was 7, and then had 2 positve role models who took him out of that and into a safe environment (his grandparents). Now he is a father he is so worried that he is a good dad, and that Joshy will want to keep him in his life (my husband has never been violent towards either of us, or anyone that I know of in his life). Keeping her safe is more important then her knowing her father.

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Chantelle - posted on 11/18/2009

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Hi, maybe i can shed a bit of light on it from your babies point of view :) Im 22 and have just had my third baby. When i was 8 months pregnant a girl on facebook became a very good friend of mine and we met up and talked one day, seemed normal and casual to be honest. Next day i find the weirdest message in my inbox saying she is my cousin and she thinks i need to know about her??? what on earth she onna bout was my first reaction. When i told my parents they told me to delete her but curiosity beat me and i asked her how. She told me only my mum could explain. Once again i rang them and asked. My dad came down from yorkishire to tell me that he actualy werent my biologicle dad. This killed me as i never even had suspected such a blow. Turned out my real dad aka ( sperm doner)< i called him hadnt tried in 22 years so why now i thought. My mum and dad ( gary) explained that they hadnt told me incase when i was younger and more funrable i went to search and he dismissed me. I totaly agreed with them and also said rather now than earlier as i can manage dismisol now im older and i have better instincts now. I have met with my bio dad and we have sorted a realtionship out he seems very sympathetic and well i dont need to go into that. All i can say is my dad ( GARY) is my dad as he has been there for me from birth and he still says im his number 1 daughter first born :) im closer to him now more than anything now i found out he had raised me and never made me feel different< hense i never even had a slight thought i werent his. Basicly what im saying is if the babies dad isnt mature enough now maybe thats better for you baby. In future something may happen between them and he may want to come back in hopefully your child will know what he/she wants, you never know they might even tell him to get lost because they got a new dad. I realy dont know because everyones different in situations with sooo many complications. So dont waste your time on him because he will only disapoint you. Let him do what he pleases and know no matter what happens your baby has got you and only he is missing out on the best thing in his life! Hopefully in a few months he will realise his mistake but also he might be like my bio dad and waste 22 years. My mum and dad(gary) protected me till i was old enough to protect myself and make decisions of my own and i thank them for it. Its very hard still and sometimes i still cry. But now i just think ive got all my family regardless of him so with or without him my life is complete, its just nice to have another person in the family but he got to earn that :) x I hope his sense comes back to him for his sake as for your baby all he/she needs is you and always know your as strong if not stronger without him :) i hope everything works out for you and your baby and if you want to confront him just tell him that if he wishes to loose out on his child bigger fool him because he will NEVER ever get that time back :) xxxx

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2009

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Let him come to his senses , and if not she will be better off and you will too for that matter , I'm sure you want to raise your daugher without violence , because even though they are very young they still know somewhat of what is going on . If he come to grips with having something so special as a daughter and is he can't relize that you are special too cause carried her , gave birth to her and is raising her , That is his problem and like I said before you are much better off. You and her only deserve the best Remember that always ~ I hope this did'nt sound to corney and it shed some light on your situation ~~ Michelle

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Nothing. Let him go. My daughter's dad was the same way. A man with no desire to be a father can't be a good one. No dad is better than bad dad. You're all your baby needs =)

Shannon - posted on 11/17/2009

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my sons father took off when i was a month prego no sooner than i told him the news he was gone, my son is now 3 and my husband has been daddy for the past 2 years, i say try to be a good mom and raise your lil girl, you don't need a man to raise a child. i raised both my kids on my own up until 2 years ago, i'm still having a hard time letting some one help me take care of them, it helps to have a family raising a child, but all it takes is one strong parent!

Melissa - posted on 11/17/2009

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say good riddence and find a man to treat you right and with respect. Put the baby and you first... remember.. alot of moms do it without a man... its not unheard of anymore and often ... everyone is better off that way.
i am 22 and alone with 3 kids.. a three year old and a pair of newborns... everyday is a struggle.. but i know my kids are better off wihtout that crap influencing them.
but then again thats just my experience good luck in whatever you choose!

Shayna - posted on 11/17/2009

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Your definitely not alone in this situation, this is very very common! It's hard for me to personally related because I don't have this problem, but I do know people who do have this problem.



It's hard with fathers to immediately bond with babies at first. It is a very surreal situation for them, especially if he has never even met her before (I'm taking it he hasn't from what I read?) There is not much you can do. You can not force someone him into a relationship with her. I personally wouldn't want him to have her if he was not interested, especially as you say he has violent behavior!! You have to be the mother & father here. I could never imagine taking on the role of being a single mother! You can be happy & raise a very happy healthy little girl without the help of him. She needs to be your number 1 priority in life now!

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